Melissa Corkhill

By Melissa Corkhill

24th March 2013

When my younger was 3, he loved the colour pink, says Niki Bhatia. 'I bought him a Dora doll, a stroller and a couple of other dolls he asked for. While in preschool, he wanted My Little Pony, Littlest Petshop and Zoobles, which apparently were marketed mostly to girls.' But how would the other kids react?

Melissa Corkhill

By Melissa Corkhill

24th March 2013

Melissa Corkhill

By Melissa Corkhill

24th March 2013

One day, I heard my older son telling my younger one that he was “like a girl” because he liked the color pink and enjoyed playing with the kitchen toys . After hearing him taunt his brother, I had a serious talk with him.

I reminded my older son how he also liked the color pink when he was little. I needed for him to understand that toys and colors did not define kids. There were no boy toys and girl toys. Colors were just colors, and toys were just a way for young children to learn about the bigger world around them. We even talked about how their father loved to cook… so what was the big deal about little boys playing with the kitchen set. My two boys became the inspiration for my book, Pink is Just a Color and so is Blue.

Pink is Just a Color and so is Blue hopes to break some of the old gender stereotypes about children’s toys and gender specific colors. Why should the play kitchen be considered a “girly” toy. Aren’t most chefs men? Don’t we want our boys to be nurturing dads and husbands one day? So what is the big deal with little boys playing with dolls and stroller? Why are all toys for little girls aimed at making them domestic divas or princesses in the land of all things pretty and pink?

When my older son was little, I bought a kitchen set for him to play with. If the look on my husband’s face could kill!!! He couldn’t understand why I would buy such a toy for our son. I had to remind him that he was a great cook himself! When our boys were little, he helped to change diapers, bathe them and feed them. To me, that made him a greater man!

Interestingly, pink and blue did not have the same associations as today. In fact, in the early 1900’s, all the big fashion magazines promoted the color pink as a great color for men!! Being a shade of red, it was considered a strong and masculine shade. Blue on the other hand, was thought to be cool and dainty, and as such, a great color for women!! It wasn’t until as late as the 1980’s that pink for girls and blue for boys became a widely accepted norm in our society.

I recall talking to a woman once and about my book. “I read somewhere that those boys who like pink, playing with dolls and other girl’s toys at an early age are more likely to be gay,” she stated matter-of-factly. I was really taken aback by her ill-informed, biased assumption. Later I would discover that this was the same mom whose daughter dressed in boy’s basketball jerseys and shorts much through the winter! If there is any correlation between liking pink and being gay then is there a correlation with being a tomboy and being lesbian? And quite frankly, is that what our worry should be as parents?

I don’t have girls but growing up I mowed the lawn, helped my father paint the house and put in tiles. I was athletic and loved sports of all kinds. You could say I was a real tomboy! Most of my best friends in college were men. Today, I love to cook and take care of my boys. But I can also figure out how to fix the chain link in a toilet tank! And I still love to paint! I rarely wear dresses but I am sure I am not lesbian.

Typical toys for boys are related to fighting, aggression, competition, science, building and construction. Girl’s toys on the other hand tend to be related to domesticity, nurturing, home life, beauty and fashion. Take a walk down a toy isle for girls and be flooded by a sea of pink kitchens, dolls, beauty salons, jewelry making and fashion designing kits. Irony of it is that most chefs are men and so are a vast number of fashion designers!

Historically, toys were not just for fun but a way of training youngsters for their roles as male bread winners and female homemakers. Societal roles seem to changing but our notions of gender related toys seem to be slow in evolving. By limiting children to playing with certain types of toys we are limiting their play and life experiences. It is particularly limiting to girls. While men excel in math and sciences, women tend to stay in education, humanities, and domestic type careers.

Societal norms and ideals are changing, albeit slowly. There was a time when the woman’s place was in the kitchen. But that’s not the case anymore. There was a time when only men wore pants or only women took care of the kids. There was also a time when wristwatches were considered too feminine and real men carried pocket watches. Today, men sport wrist watches not only as a fashion statement but also as a status symbol. Gender roles, societal norms and fashions trends are changing and so should our attitudes about what it means to be a man or a woman.

I don’t deny that men and women are inherently, biologically and hormonally different. Sweden has one of the highest levels of gender equality in the world. There was a movement at one state run preschool to do away with gender specific toys, labels and practices. They went so far as doing away with addressing the kids as “him” or “her,” and referring to the children as “friends”, by their first names, or as “hen” – a genderless pronoun borrowed from Finnish. I guess that would be like the English pronoun “it”?

Gender neutrality, as it equates to gender equality, is good. But to totally deny our gender differences is wrong too. Being more gender neutral does not have to mean referring to ourselves as IT’s. Gender neutrality should not be seen as an attack on our masculinity or femininity but rather a road to equality and respect.

I have 2 boys and I see how different boys and girls can be. They do play differently; they interact with each other differently. But is it because that is the way we have been programmed to believe for so long? Is it because WE steer our boys and girls in a certain path…or towards certain toys or colors…because of our expectations of what it means to be a man or a women.

Bullying is such a prevalent issue in our society today. Unfortunately, anti-bullying and anti-teasing education often starts in middle school when most children already have an engrained set of beliefs and ideals. Research shows that children’s personalities are set by the time they are 5. They have already built a sense of what is right and wrong by the time they are about 10. Teaching kids to be accepting, open minded and accepting should begin when they are 3, 4 and 5 not 10, 11, 12. If they learn young that we don’t all have to fit into a mold, they will become better “tweenagers” and teenagers.

Pink is a beautiful color. And so is blue. But what is it about our society, that we have this need to put everything in nice little boxes? Why do we have a need to label and categories everything! Why can’t we just let our kids be kids. Let them explore. Isn’t our ultimate goal as parents to assure that our children grow up to be self confident, happy, secure and productive men and women?

If we as adults become more open-minded, then a positive, unbiased attitude will automatically permeate into our kids. Maybe our children will be more tolerant and accepting of each other and see individual differences as something to celebrate… rather than ridicule. When kids are accepting, they are less likely to tease or bully. So let’s spread the message that toys are just toys… and Pink is Just a Color and so is Blue!!!!

Niki Bhatia is a proud mom of her 2 boys ages 6 and 10. She is also the author of Pink is Just a Color and so is Blue. You can read her blog at niketabhatia.blogspot.com.

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