Hello my gp friends. I’ve been away for a while - being summer and with work we’ve all been rather busy. Ds is really enjoying the sunny weather and long evenings as are we. We struggled a while with trying to stick to his usual evening routine (ds not wanting to sleep at 7pm), but then we thought ‘hey, it’s summer and generally we are always out and about so why aren’t we now!’ So we’ve been visiting friends and going for walks in the evening and ds has loved it. He just slept later in the morning which was really nice, and fitted well with our routine. It has meant me and dh haven’t had much alone time together and he has been a way a bit too, but i think everything is ok with us.

We had our kitchen window put in - it’s in the basement and there is a 540 year old bread oven in there. it’s been damp and smelly while we’ve been fighting listings for the past 3 years, but now its done and we have light and air and its lovely. it sure did mess up the house and I have been finding it a bit difficult to cope with all the disruption. we think we will sell now and try to find somewhere with a garden, but we still need to do some other stuff before we do - so it make take a while before we do!

anyhow the reason i’ve got a few minutes to update you all is ds is asleep as he is poorly and i wondered if you wouldn’t mind giving me your thoughts? he’s had a temp on and off for the past 5 days - it’s not too high by his standards, 38 degrees this afternoon. he is generally fine in the morning but it’s around 5 that he gets really grumpy and feels hot. he was sick and temp tuesday, fine wednesday, fine thursday, temp last night and tonight. he’s really off his food and not eaten anything today, but still bf and drinking lots. i thought it was teething, but now i’m not too sure. i’m wondering if he is brewing something up - the pox!

the other thing is his temp is different in each ear so tonight it was 37.1 in one and 38 in the other. last night is 36.7 and 37.8. i always read the highest one to be on the safe side but i don’t know if this is normal or a sign of something else.

he also says to me ‘ouch’ pointing to his hands and feet, but not all the time. he general just says it to me then carries on with what he’s doing! he seems quite sensitive - if he trips up or bumps into something he crys, which isn’t like him either.

i’ve given him one dose of nurofen last night and tonight and it really seems to help me sleep, and brings his temp down.
I don’t think it’s ear related as general his temp just sores straight to 39/40 for a couple of days then he’s back to normal.

the other thing is bf is really making me feel yucky at the mo . I can feel angry and i want to push ds off me. Ofcourse, i don’t but i find myself wishing i wasn’t feeding anymore. ds is obviously mind reading and telling me on no such terms are we ready to stop, so he has upped his feeds to double what they were. i don’t think i do want to stop, but the feeling is really overriding and i’m getting really supset. i also have had a period - my third//fourth since ds was born and i’m wondering if my cycle is back and it’s tied to that and pms! 

i do hope to be back on here more - i do log in from time to time, but find i’m abit out of the loop and also i realise i won’t have the time always to come back to discussions.

TIA and lots of love xx

I certainly don’t enjoy b/feeding when my period is due - i get the same feelings as you seem to, so it is maybe realted to the time of the month. 
It sounds as if he is fighting something off, so I would give him lots of immune strengthening stuff.  Re the temp - has he been lying down when you take it - the ear that is on the pillow will have a higher temp that the one in the open air.
Hope you are both feeling better soon anyway and good luck with the house. xxx

Hello!  So good to see you! 

Sorry to hear about ds being under the weather, I don’t have anything to offer but perhaps you could try the GP and put your mind at rest Re: ear infections and similar.  Could just be one of those things, I am noticing we are feeling a bit more prone to colds and coughs at the moment, all the damp weather maybe *sigh*.

The weaning urges, I can identify with.  I have had them on and off with Morgan, more than with any of the others, possibly because as she has gotten older I have found it more uncomfortable, possibly because my fertility returned so early, possibly because she has always been a more committed nurser and taken any avoidence on my part as serious rejection, I don’t know what it is.  Something I read recently that has really helped me to feel comfortable with what we are doing now is this: either be happy to nurse, or be happy to wean.  It’s not easy advice to take, you can’t MAKE yourself be happy, but sooner or later you do either have to decide that it’s time to wean, that it’s right for you and for your relationship, or you have to decide that it’s OK to carry on for now, and get yourself used to the idea. 

I just most of all hated the idea that I would continue to feel angry and violent towards Morgan when I fed her, and that it would hurt her that I ended nursings abruptly and didn’t make eye contact, things like that…

Once more, lots of rambling, not much advice!  (hugs)

Thank you.
Ds temp has just risen to 39.1! apart from being grumpy and clingy he is drinking and hasn’t a rash or anything. i’m sure it’s the ears, but as the doctor said the last time we saw him, he can’t telll if it’s a virus or an infection. He will give antibiotics but he won’t know if it’s the medicine that has made him better.  He said if he could cope with out them that would be good for him in the long run. i never know what to do, but it always happens at a weekend when it’s miles to the nearest out of hourse surgery!!

sarah - how are you doing it? especially during the night! I’ve thought about how we could try. I can manage a couple of daytimes if we keep really busy and out of the house, and i think if we walked or drove in the evening he might go to sleep, but it’s during the night that it would be really difficult and he would be the most upset.

ds temp is down to 37.8, and he’s perked up a bit. unless he seems to get worse we won’t go to the docs. i think temps go in a cycles so i imagine that will be up again about 3 in the morning!

I got to the point with Morgan, at night, where she was in her own bed but coming in to me in the middle of the night, every night…  I was starting to get those weaning urges plus I was so so tired as once she came into my bed she would just stay latched on and I would be awake the rest of the night.  So I started having Martin take her back to bed, and she howled but usually went right back to sleep in her own bed (with Martin holding her until she was asleep, or until the crying ramped up and I shouted, “oh for crying out loud, will you bring her BACK IN HERE, she is NOT going to sleep!!”) - if I hadn’t been able to do this, and have someone else be with her, I’d probably have had her back cosleeping but just refused to feed her at night.  I felt more desperate than I’ve ever felt before or since with anyone or anything!  Once we got through that I was able to keep nursing her during the day, and she’s still going at nearly four years old.

Rowan is sleeping in her own bed now (she’s nearly 18mo) and we have weeks when she’s in our bed mostly, but generally she sleeps til morning.  So that’s fine for me (though strangely you get used to these things SO fast and then one broken night feels like hell on earth!) and I’m not too worried about when she will stop coming in for milk.  I was having a lot of weaning urges with Morgan at this age, but I’m not with Rowan even though she is a biter!  The nights are what make the difference for me.  So in my humble opinion, if you need to reclaim some of the night in order to parent during the day, then that’s what you do.  As gently as possible, but knowing what you all need.

Pushing past the weaning urges is possible, and even beneficial, but only you know your needs and your relationship with your son.  You can and will do what is best for everybody. 

Glad he’s better right now, and I hope the temp stays down as it’s horrible worrying about them when they’re ill.  I have a major *major* panic every time Rowan runs a temp, as the only times she has done so we’ve ended up in special care!  *rolls eyes at self a little for this, since the others can be feverish and I’ll just shrug and give them homeopathic doses!*

Yup, agree with Sarah.  I think night weaning will make a big difference to how you feel.  I haven’t night fed for, gosh, I cannot remember how long - it’s been that long.  The only time I do night feed is if Rye is ill or perhaps very upset about something - but usually, these days, he just wants to be cuddled and rest his face on my boobs..lol I suppose they make nice soft pillows.

I do know, that I would have weaned fully if Rye was still night feeding frequently past a year old - being tired means I too quickly resort to the parenting I grew up with and my priority is try and be as gentle a parent as I’m capable of being… and tiredness can very effectively scupper that.  And to be honest, hun, I’m not sure I’d still be bfing now if Rye was a very demanding feeder.  In part it’s because I did have to go back to work full time when he was 5 and half months old.. so that forced a reduction to morning and lengthy evening feeds and with some night feeding.  But by about 9 months-ish he was sleeping through mostly so very rare to be having night feeds.  And these days he can go days, even a week or so without asking.. and then, like now, he suddenly decides boobs are lovely again and is feeding twice a day.  Although that is also coupled to the fact I’ve started putting him to bed in his own room again because the disturbed nights (he sleeps through, but he’s a fiddler in his sleep and I can’t bear it) were getting to me.  I feel somewhat sad because he himself would not choose to sleep in his own bed yet, and he does give me the trembling lip when I kiss him night night, and that pulls at my heart strings so much… but when its getting to the stage where one’s getting so very angry and snarly; well times to review the situation.

So where it’s been very rare indeed for months, for Rye to ask to nurse before bed… he is now and I’m honouring that. 

It’s damn hard, I so sympathise.  It is heart wrenching to implement a development that your child hasn’t shown a willingness for yet; when you know that in the long run it is the best for all.

((((hugs)))

Joxy.

Thank you Joxy. I talked to dh and when we know ds is better we will try settling him in his own room.

Here is our plan!

dh is going to the take ds to his bed (rather than ours) and read him a story, while he has some milk, and then i will go in and feed him to sleep. Hopefully over a couple of weeks he will sleep longer, so the night feeds disappear by themselves! (plan A) but if they don’t we’re going to try with dh going to him. When he’s sleeping through the night we will tackle the feeding to sleep!

Ds seems fine today apart from a bit tired. So i think it must be teeth or the pox!

Sounds a plan  

Fingers crossed your DS feels much better soon, bless him. 

Joxy.

Oh poo. Ds has temperature again tonight! I think I’ll take him for a check up tomorrow - this illness is a strange one. One day fine the next a temp it’s been like this for a week now!