Hi everyone, I’m looking for a bit of help and guidance. I am not a religious person and do not believe in god. I would say that I am mainly a humanist as so is my husband. I have always celebrated Christmas but view it more as a time for family to get together, have a beautiful meal, decorate the house with pretty winter things, exchange gifts, and just spread love and happiness. I love the whole cozy buzz that comes at that time of year.
My issue at the moment is I don’t know how to go about the Santa thing with my 2 wee boys who are 2 years old and 4 mths old. If we don’t do the santa thing are we being cruel by taking away some of the magic that it makes and will they feel left out because all their friends will be getting presents from Santa.
Any advice or food for thought would be appreciated
Very interesting thread and not a huge amount to say other than I will be watching! We are finding ourselves in a similar situtation…Lilly is one next month and neither me nor my partner are religious or have an affinity with one religion in particular. (And above all would call ourselves humanists too) Santa has little to do with religion though as far as I know and is much more to do with make believe and fairy tale (which in honesty I’d rather go with!) though I wonder how you actually approach the subject…
I was quite old when I discovered there isnt a santa as such ( about 11) and I found it really difficult to come to terms with….always having quite a vivid imagination….I wonder if that was a hinderance to me or rather sparked my love for all things surreal….Im not sure.
Interesting. Am I right in saying that Santa Claus is based on a real person who used to deliver gifts to the poor or am I mixing that up with someone else? In which case, that always seems a really nice thing to celebrate, but it depends on how honest you want to be with your children. Do you do the tooth fairy thing in your house for example? I was quite old (about ten) when I learnt that Santa was really just my mum and I was really upset, but I carried the tradition on for the sake of my little brother (who in hindsight had probably guessed long before I did!!). My eldest recently found out about the tooth fairy and she was quite upset too and I felt mean for letting her belive in something so lovely. We had a long talk about magic and that there really IS magic in the world, but that the tooth fairy wasn’t real. I don’t know if it was better to never have that excitement of a magic fairy or to have it and then lose it!!
In our house, Santa only brings very small gifts which the children open on Christmas morning. I am pretty sure that my older children know that there isn’t a Sant Claus. They haven’t asked me outright because I don’t think they want to know the answer, but I overheard them commenting in suspicious voices that Santa had the same wrapping paper as Mammy! Oops!! Will be interested to see what other people think.
We are Christians, and we don’t “do” Santa (what does Santa have to do with being religious - most religious people I know don’t do Santa!), but we tell the stories - we decided before Jenna was old enough to understand that we wanted to be trustworthy about fantasy and reality without busting her bubble. Even more important for us is the blackmail involved, that all and sundry think it appropriate to THREATEN my children with lack of presents if they are naughty (or “if you don’t stop crying” etc). So from very early we have told our children that Father Christmas is a game people play. He lived a real life a long long time ago, people like to imagine he still delivers presents, but our stockings come from mummy and daddy.
Stockings happen first thing, are small, and contain a musical instrument (“what else is 5am FOR?”), drawing things, socks, a pound coin, fruit, and a gift of some kind (often a wooden animal). A larger shared present and anything from other people is downstairs in a big chest for them to open later in the day.
So far my boy has had a stocking each year from “Father Christmas” as I insist on calling him ( where we live he is universally known as “Santie” which I hate!) But I wish I had thought more carefully before starting this, as I’m not comfortable with the deception, even though well-meant, and my lad is already, at 5, asking some searching questions.
Wodgehog, I think you are right that he is based on a real person, who left coins in the stockings which some children had hung up to dry by the fire or something!
We don’t do the Easter bunny - I hide little chocolate eggs for him to find and he knows it’s me - and don’t think we’ll bother with the tooth fairy either, but I would feel mean if I told him Father Christmas wasn’t real, maybe because the magic of the stocking being filled was so special to me as a child. But if he challenges me outright, I suppose I will have to gently explain. Perhaps he will suspect, but keep the illusion going for my sake - I wonder how many children do that so as not to disappoint their parents!
I also meant to say the threats and blackmail drive me crazy too! Throughout December children here are constantly asked “Is Santie coming to you? Have you been good?”
I remember reading a thread about this last year too and I felt a bit torn then, as I do now. I have such fond memories of Christmas as a child. We would turn out the lights before bedtime on Christmas Eve and mum would read The Night Before Christmas to us under the fairy lit tree, then we would put mince pie and sherry out for Santa and carrots and water for the reindeer and I would go to bed so excitedly listening for sleigh bells.
By the time I found out Santa wasn’t real I was starting to guess anyway and it didn’t seem like such a huge disaster. I certainly never felt angry at my parents for being dishonest, in fact it gives me warm feelings to think of my mum and dad going to all the effort they did to create that magic for us. By the time DS came along I couldn’t wait to start creating the same magic for him, although it did bother me a bit that we were essentially being dishonest, as we are so open about everything else. Reading the posts last year and now, I feel like a real con artist, but I’m still not sure I regret going with the whole Santa thing. Santa only fills his stocking with an instrument, some chocolate coins and a few little fun bits. Ds knows that any other presents are from friends and family. Rather than suddenly burst his bubble now I think we will go with it year by year and be open as questions arise. I like Sarah’s idea of describing is as a game people play.
I remember reading a thread about this last year too and I felt a bit torn then, as I do now. I have such fond memories of Christmas as a child. We would turn out the lights before bedtime on Christmas Eve and mum would read The Night Before Christmas to us under the fairy lit tree, then we would put mince pie and sherry out for Santa and carrots and water for the reindeer and I would go to bed so excitedly listening for sleigh bells.
By the time I found out Santa wasn’t real I was starting to guess anyway and it didn’t seem like such a huge disaster. I certainly never felt angry at my parents for being dishonest, in fact it gives me warm feelings to think of my mum and dad going to all the effort they did to create that magic for us. By the time DS came along I couldn’t wait to start creating the same magic for him, although it did bother me a bit that we were essentially being dishonest, as we are so open about everything else. Reading the posts last year and now, I feel like a real con artist, but I’m still not sure I regret going with the whole Santa thing. Santa only fills his stocking with an instrument, some chocolate coins and a few little fun bits. Ds knows that any other presents are from friends and family. Rather than suddenly burst his bubble now I think we will go with it year by year and be open as questions arise. I like Sarah’s idea of describing is as a game people play.
I totally agree - even when I no longer believed in Father Christmas, I still felt lucky to have had that magic time of believing - and as I got older, to help create that for my younger siblings. I LOVE the tradition of it all, I have made gorgeous stockings for my children (and some of their friends, at their mum’s request) and finding, making, buying the little things to put in them is great fun. It’s a magic start to the day, so exciting to share with siblings and I hope my children will remember it as fondly as I do.
I do remember being gutted to discover the truth about the tooth fairy - I took her very seriously! - but that doesn’t mean I’d swap the excitement of believing, I really think that it’s lovely to have magical things to associate with childhood. I don’t think it’s about lying, for me it’s about sharing a magical tradition that makes people smile.
We celebrate the Winter Solstice at that time of year, and I love the Mid Winter festival, with all the cosy lights andfamily get togethers and lovely food DD does love the Father Christmas stories, she knows it’s a lovely story but she doesn’t think he is real and we would never go so far as to try and convince her that he will be popping down the chimney! She knows that gifts come from family and friends and that Father Christmas is a traditional story. Also I REALLY hate the bribery and blackmail thing too - ugh - it makes me shudder! I want to scream when so many people stop us in the street and ask DD (who is four) if she has been “good” because of course “he” will not come if she hasn’t!. Last year someone asked her if “he” would be coming (ie had she been “good”) and DD said “Who??” LOL We have never gone overboard with gifts and go down the hand made, unique route It’s so depressing when you’re in a shop somewhere with all the bloody Christmas songs blaring out and toys stacked high, and you hear the dreaded words “Right, I am going to send a letter to HIM, no toys for you!!” Surely these kids must be evil come Christmas day after all that being “good?” LOL
For Rye, I tell him about FAther Christmas but I don’t pretend he’s real; although for now I leave it up to Rye’s imagination. Rye goes to his dad’s for Christmas so I actually celebrate Yule with Rye. I don’t really say anyone brings things for Rye - if pressed I’d perhaps go for the Winter King. I am working out a story based around the Holly and Oak Kings as “our” myth..and I may even see if I can make up some puppets to act out the story - and make this into a Yule Eve tradition.
We do leave offerings out though for the local fey.
We ‘do santa’ and I dont feel the least bit guilty about it. It was a magical part of my childhood and I want the same for Toby. We try hard not to over-do it though and there is no blackmail in our house about ‘good’ and ‘bad’. A lady in ASDA got a very stern talking to last year when she told a very tired and overwhelmed Toby (after 3hours of christmas shopping- I know, my bad!) that santa wouldnt come if he kept making that noise. Blackmail your own children if you must, but leave mine alone
Whatever you call it - I tend to think the thing to watch out for is excessive consumerism (to coin a phrase). Buying stuff rather than real, human contact.
best
w.w.
We have Father Christmas, (we celebrate Yule & Christmas - any excuse!) on Christmas Eve we have a treasure hunt for new pyjamas for everyone, then when we are changed we write him a letter (NOT a begging letter!!) which goes up the chimney (only it doesn’t, cos I’m keeping them, it is whisked away when they’re not looking and glitter flung about the hearth) they have stockings which I appliqued their initials on which have odds and sods in, much the sort of thing others have mentioned, nothing major, but nice little things We tend not to open any other presents till late afternoon evening, and are often still opening stuff well in to the new year as once something is opened, they often set to playing with it and I see no need to rush them on to the next thing.
Now, it has taken some stubborness on my part to get to where we are, as DH’s family is off the ‘rip open your presents and 9am and spend the rest of the day staring at the box/bickering’ pedigree (DSIL’s comment a couple of years ago when I asked her children if they’d enjoyed Christmas “yes, you did well out of it, didn’t you”).
We have a balance which suits us between celebrating the festivals in the spirit we feel comfortable with, making a bit of magic for our children and giving them a little treat. DH tries to persuade them that FC is real, whereas I won’t lie outright about it, so if they ask I tend to say that even if it isn’t real, it’s a lovely game.
Each to their own on this one I think, although definitely no blackmail, I too can’t stand the comments from well meaning shop assistants, but we tend not to take the children near the shops much for the last few weeks of the year anyway as it is sooo horrible. Another benefit of HE, that we can step aside a bit from the pre-Christmas hysteria and actually enjoy the winter festivals in winter!
Wow thanks for all the replies. i have really enjoyed reading about everyones little traditions! Thinking back on my own memories of Christmas as a child I loved the whole magical feeling and the traditions that we had. The traditions and family getting together meant more than what I actually got from Santa. I was devastated when I found out Santa wasn’t real and I’m sure it left me a bit jaded! Anyway I think I will go with the stocking from Santa and main present is from Mammy and Daddy, they may appreciate things a bit more then. I think I will be “borrowing” a few of the traditions on here as they are so lovely.
Thanks again everyone. It is obviously a subject which means alot to people.
DD does love the Father Christmas stories, she knows it’s a lovely story but she doesn’t think he is real and we would never go so far as to try and convince her that he will be popping down the chimney! She knows that gifts come from family and friends and that Father Christmas is a traditional story. Also I REALLY hate the bribery and blackmail thing too - ugh - it makes me shudder! I want to scream when so many people stop us in the street and ask DD (who is four) if she has been “good” because of course “he” will not come if she hasn’t!. Last year someone asked her if “he” would be coming (ie had she been “good”) and DD said “Who??” LOL We have never gone overboard with gifts and go down the hand made, unique route 
Are you from the North East Seapinks?! All my relatives call it Santie too 
