Today I encountered a view that it was necessary to somehow emotionally ‘let go’ of your child at school. Yes, at five?
I’d like to counter balance this view with a different one. I wonder what would have happened to my child if I hadn’t listened so carefully to her and insisted on retaining a special bond. What does everyone else think, do you know what I’m on about? Be gentle please.
best
w.w.
Well, personally, I don’t ever want to ‘let go of my children emotionally’ (even when they are in their 40s and older ). I don’t think I could anyway. If you hadn’t worked through what your child has been through at school with emotion and caring, your child would surely feel alone and wouldn’t have the security to find the courage to deal with things.
I’m interested to know whether this view was from another parent or a teacher xxx
What an odd view to have, I can’t imagine ever emotionally letting go of my daughter, even when she’s 20, 40 , 60 and beyond ... until I’m no longer here. Children are for life and you are emotionally attached forever in my opinion. I’m certain my mother still is with me and I’m nearly 40.
Always, always be there emotionally for your child as I know you are, as I am too, that way they will talk to you, share things with you and know you are there for them.
(((hugs))) I have just read your post on bullying (sorry, somehow I missed that one yesterday) - well done to you and your daughter for being strong, I’d have done the same with taking her out of school for a week. Hope things settle down and improve for her, and for you.
I have come across this view quite a bit - the belief that at 4 or 5 all children are ready for school (and nursery at 3) and that if you are reluctant to ‘let them go’ then you are babying them / holding them back. It seems bizarre to me. Much better to hold onto that bond and help them through any obstacles they come across than expect them to ‘get on with it’ without the emotional support they are used to.
I know quite a few parents who once their child is in the school gate, say “thank goodness” (or words to that effect) and actually mean it. One parent I know, whose little girl aged 6 is being bullied terribly, basically says that it will do the little girl good to be bullied and she will grow up to be a strong woman blah blah. This mum won’t get involved and says it is for her daughter to deal with…..this makes me terribly upset.
I know quite a few parents who once their child is in the school gate, say “thank goodness” (or words to that effect) and actually mean it. One parent I know, whose little girl aged 6 is being bullied terribly, basically says that it will do the little girl good to be bullied and she will grow up to be a strong woman blah blah. This mum won’t get involved and says it is for her daughter to deal with…..this makes me terribly upset.
There’s an interesting book, more about teenagers than anything, but the name escapes me at the moment. But basically, children who are attached to their peers rather than their parents can go through terrible conflict and have an unhappy homelife. So if this relates to teenagers, it certainly relates to 5 year olds!
Oh yes WW I have come across this attitude many. many times :( It is totally at odds with how I feel about my relationship with my children. I also really dislkie the old “school of hard knocks” attitude, I mean a child who is being bullied left alone to cope with it? That’s just so cruel :(
I would just like to add that as my dd has got older (will be 10 in January) it has been important for me to give her the skills and oppertunity to sort things out for herself to some extent. Life has been happier since we dont analyse everything that happens at school. Dds new school has been so differnt to her previous 2. I have great confidence in the staff there to be available and observant and resolve any issues that arise. I used to worry about what might be happening at school and feel I had to ask dd and find out and then inform teachers sometimes. It is now lovely that I feel I dont have to do that, if I had not found a school like the one I have now found I think I would have to home ed, despite being sure it wold not be the best route for us. I think if you chose the school route you have to work with not being there a lot of the time.
Yes I have encountered this view, and I dont have any time for it. I find it so strange. Keep doing what youre doing WW and dont mind what anyone says xxx
Thank you everyone, more thoughts very welcome. I shall read this again, your writing is inspiring and insightful - helping me particularly at this difficult time.
best
w.w.
I do feel a kind of separation from my daughter since she started school. I wrote about it here… http://nestledunderrainbows.blogspot.com/2010/11/autumn.html
It is definitely not a bad thing though. I think I only feel this because I am very close with her, it isn’t so much as I have lost her but our relationship has definitely changed and she needs me in a different way from the boys (2 abd 5 months). I think this is a little different though from the attitude the op is discribing. I can’t get my head around parents who send their kids to school/ pre school too early just to give themselves some peace. If i were a teacher I’d be so annoyed that I was being used as a glorified child minder!
). I don’t think I could anyway. If you hadn’t worked through what your child has been through at school with emotion and caring, your child would surely feel alone and wouldn’t have the security to find the courage to deal with things. 
