I haven’t posted this because I’ve been feeling totally gutted by it and I didn’t want a load of replies implying that I should HE at all costs and kill myself in the process rather than do something as shocking as send him to school. Reading over the aftermath of yesterday though I’ve realised that if I want to continue being a member of this community then I want to be a totally open one.
I’ve applied for a place at school for Joey. I just don’t feel I can HE anymore, I’m just not managing to meet everyone’s needs and DH has taken a pay cut so there’s a very real possibility we will need my wage in the near future. I’m seeing school as a resource that we can use as long as it works for us but I am feeling like an absolute failure which is compounded by the fact I’ve felt unable to reach out for support on here.
I know this is pointless but I need to get it out onto the forum to feel I can stick around. Any positive school stories welcome
I have three in school and two HE, I couldn’t HE them all, I just found it too hard. The three that are in school LOVE it, the other two tried but weren’t so happy and are now HE again. I felt like a huge failure when we went back down the school route, but I know right now this is absolutely the right thing for our family. Plus nothing is final, at some point the two that are HE right now might try school again and the others may be HE again. For us school has been a really positive thing, you just need to do what is right for your family xx
Don’t beat yourself up over making that hard decision. I have no school stories to tell, but we still regulalry go from thinking we will HE to thinking shall we visit the school and at least see what it is like. There is no right and wrong. I know of friends kids that go to school and absolutley love it.
I wasn’t around yesterday, but have just been reading over the mess left behind and it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth but it has bought up a lot of stuff for people and we all need to be open about who we are, stuff anyone else if they think they are right and we are wrong.
I am sure that you will see if school is right for Joey, as you know him best
I think you have made a brave and honourable decision. DD is now flexi schooling after 3 years at home and although I can’t stand the ‘system’ and think all her learning is negative I respect that this is her choice. If you feel you cannot cope with HE and you’re not meeting everyone’s needs then you’ve made the right decision. You may find that this is the perfect solution for you as a family and Joey might absolutely love it.
My advice - remain open minded and just take each day as it comes. Look at this as a positive opportunity for all of you - you may find with some time you are much less stressed and become a better wife / mother because of it.
I think there are loads of children on this forum who adore school.
I have 2 in school and they are both doing well; although they do have a moan about going!!
I trained as a teacher but I know I would be terrible at HE, I think it is a very hard thing to do and requires alot of dedication. I have had no desire to pursue that whatsoever.
Anyway, just because Joey is in school doesn’t mean you remove your input into his education. There is loads of stuff you will still do together to improve his life skills and education.
Ds will be going to Gaelic nursery 4 mornings a week when we go back. We do what is right for us at particular times. The school is a major hub of the community and it seems the best option for all of us at this moment. Breathe deeply- you are doing fine. xx
For me, home education was never an option. It is a completely personal choice and I don’t believe I possess the skills and/or motivation needed to be a successful home educator. It has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that I don’t want to be around my son all day. I can quite happily spend 24 hours a day with Ds (and usually do) and the thought of him being away from me for so long already cuts me up inside.
But… my opinion is that school can be a great starting block in education.I don’t think it should be the whole education for a little one, and see my ‘job’ as building upon those topics etc that the school has started. I have found a lovely little country school which has a 13 pupil maximum intake a year, and where the headmistress knows the pupils by name. This was important for me and I know our lifestyle is different to others and thought that Ds would be more likely to have things in common with other children that live rurally (hopefully).
You should in NO WAY consider yourself a failure! You are raising 3 beautiful children who I’m sure receive as much love and comfort as they could ever desire. To me, that’s the most important thing we can give our kids. In 15 years time I’m sure your lo won’t turn around and say ‘I’m really annoyed you didn’t home educate me’... instead he will say ‘I’m so glad you always did what you thought was best for me and my siblings’.
I’m really glad you have shared this. Maybe yesterdays horrors have started a positive mind shift in everyone.
P.s. I am in no way anti-home ed… in fact I think it is completely right for some people. When me and my closest friend talk about it, I usually use the phrase ‘it’s great, just not for me!’
I always thought that we’d home ed. But when the crunch came (in september) I realised that right now it is NOT the right choice for us. For the good of the whole family and my emotional health it is better to have jake in school.
Don’t be embaressed to admit that for you and your family, right now, having somebody else looking after his educational needs is the right choice. That is responsive, considered parenting IMHO.
Do you have a school in mind? If not good luck choosing!
dd goes to school and loves it (most of the time!)....Im not up to home ed I dont think….main thing I wanted to say was we do use school like a resource and havnt had any problems with for example quietly ignoring reading schemes, odd bits of homework and reading records or taking a day off very occassionally. My advice would be just to smile and nod then do/not do whatever you feel is right. In my experience problems seem to arise when you try and explain and make a point about the system. Its also possible to get involved at school so you can get to know parents/teachers/other children and get a feel for what its like there. I have done various stints on gardening clubs and helped out on trips which has been fun for me and dd. And remember, you can always change your mind again at any point down the line…but maybe it will be great, you dont know until you try
Well as a primary school teacher, I obviously do not subscribe to the view that all schools, teachers and the ‘system’ are dreadful people and places, which seems to be the general feeling on here. Some schools and teachers are great and although children do spend a fair amount of time at school, there is also lots of time for family. I know many many chindren who are well rounded, confident and lovely little people who are at school. My daughter started nursery at the school I teach at in September and whilst I may not agree with everything, she loves it. The school we will be going to in Berlin next September also follows the play based curriculum until aged 6 so it is perfect for us. I had no choice but to put C in a creche from 8 months when I had to return to work. There is only me to support us and I disagree with relying on state funding to allow people to HE (my opinion).
I do a fair amount of waldorf style activites at home with Boo and we spend a lot of time outside. We go for a walk or a ride straight from school and our weekends are usually just for the two of us.
If you find a school that is right for you, it can be a very positive experience. Successful time at school does have a lot to do with support from home in my opinion.
Lou xx
I also think you have been rather brave in sharing this and in making a decision that is right for your family at the time. You can always change your mind later.
Hugs! You do what is right for you and your family! You are not a failure at all - no matter how we educate our children we are all doing what we think is best and no way is completely right or wrong. Also i would like to thank you for being brave in posting this. Yesterdays debacle frustrated me cos part of the issue was some folks not feeling they could post and so someone else spoke for them and it went tits up. So thank you. But amway i dont want to hijack the thread. you are not a failure and i for one will be interested to hear how it all goes.
I’m echoing other posters, I agree that you’ve done a brave thing in making the decision to send Jojo to school. How much you care about your children really comes across in your posts, it is clear to see that you are making the right decision for your family. You are not a failure, your live is just taking a different path the to the one you imagined it would, which is just part of being a responsive parent.
Thankfully I didn’t witness any of the *mess*, but I’m sorry if you felt undermined by the decisions that you feel are neccessary for the goodness of your family. I HE mine, but I went to school and nothing disastrous happened! Everyone has to make the decisions that are right for them and their family, and certainly shouldn’t be made to feel any less of a parent.
I have experienced a lot of this unsaid (and sometimes said) pressure on *natural* parenting forums, where everyone is supposed to fit into a rigid AP/HE/EC box, and those that don’t are made to feel somehow inferior. Very saddening indeed…..
Well as a primary school teacher, I obviously do not subscribe to the view that all schools, teachers and the ‘system’ are dreadful people and places, which seems to be the general feeling on here. Some schools and teachers are great and although children do spend a fair amount of time at school, there is also lots of time for family. I know many many chindren who are well rounded, confident and lovely little people who are at school. My daughter started nursery at the school I teach at in September and whilst I may not agree with everything, she loves it. The school we will be going to in Berlin next September also follows the play based curriculum until aged 6 so it is perfect for us. I had no choice but to put C in a creche from 8 months when I had to return to work. There is only me to support us and I disagree with relying on state funding to allow people to HE (my opinion).
I do a fair amount of waldorf style activites at home with Boo and we spend a lot of time outside. We go for a walk or a ride straight from school and our weekends are usually just for the two of us.
If you find a school that is right for you, it can be a very positive experience. Successful time at school does have a lot to do with support from home in my opinion.
Lou xx
I also think you have been rather brave in sharing this and in making a decision that is right for your family at the time. You can always change your mind later.
I completely agree that schools etc are not by default negative. I trained as a primary school teacher and there are so many factors that can make the school experience what it is. You are an amazing mother because you make carefully considered decisions and because you have the flexibility to shift your course depending on the ever evolving needs of your family. IME, generally the children who have the most successful school experiences are those whose parents see education of their children as a 24 hour endeavour, not simply something that happens inside the school walls. Children whose learning is supported and enhanced by their families and the experiences that they have at home, whose parents model a desire to learn and to thoughtfully interact with the world around them.
Personally, I really believe in the school experience, especially for older children. Just keep being the thoughtful, adaptive, loving mum you are and you’re doing the best you can by your children!
Aww yo are definitely not a failure. It is a brave thing to change direction and sometimes it is that change that is unsettling not what the change is. I hope you find a school that you are excited about and Joey loves to go everyday. School time is only part of what makes a child, the parents make up the greater part.
I have been in the past very negative about schools but I have learnt from this in that not all schools are bad at all many are brilliant x It’s a personal choice and I think you are making exactly the right decision for you and your family xx Good luck on your journey and much love and happiness xx
