DD2 started reception 2 weeks ago. The first 2 weeks they were in for part days but from now on they expect them to do 5 full days. DD2 is 4 years and 1 month, too young, just too young for that kind of week. Whilst many of her friends are doing 15 hours she is expected to do 32.5. It is crazy isn’t it? That jump would just be too much unless you were a really tough cookie. Anyway last summer I tried to meet with school staff to discuss a formal flexi-schooling agreement but they were all too busy, I did manage to get assurance from the ‘then’ head of early years (who has now left) that we could informally monitor progress and adapt attendance flexibly to suit. Luckily so far that seems to have held and the head and new head of early years (her teacher) agreed that she could have a day off in the second week and 3 half days in the 3rd week and that we would review it after that. My tummy is in knots, she didn’t want to go to today, already the prospect of school is feeling too much. She told me she wanted to go back to her old nursery with her old friends. Tomorrow I have to meet with a Family Support Worker to discuss - where I really want to come to a formal arrangement that will last the whole year, I guess this probably doesn’t fit with the school and I also fear that they will push me towards her being in full-time school which at the moment I really don’t feel she is ready for.
Now 2 questions about things that are playing on my mind ... I understand that she doesn’t legally have to start school until the September after her 5th birthday, which would be next September. But if I had done that does that mean that she would have gone directly into Year 1 (with her peer group) or would she have gone into Reception?
And then does anyone know anything about the phonics tests that the government are introducing this year? Will she be involved in this and how would I go about getting her exempt from testing? Does anyone know?
I think many children who are Summer born aren’t really ready for all day - as you are aware although she is going to school her attendance isn’t compulsory at the moment so you could have an arrangement with the school to say she isn’t coming in of too tired and they can record her as “not compulsory school age”. I don’t know how the school would be if this was quite regular though so you’d probably need to meet with the head teacher. For them it is no doubt easier to just get them all in but that doesn’t mean you can’t discuss it with them and find a balance that works, it’s always something that can be changed as the year goes on and you think she is more capable of longer days or more days.
My understanding of the start date, etc is that if you kept her out all this year then she would go into Year 1 next year as she is in the age band for that year by her birth date (peer group as you say). You then might find she finds that difficult having missed the reception year - not as far as missing any learning opportunities but maybe with the bonding with friends, the more play based activities. My daughter has just gone up to year 1 and it is going to be a bit less play based as the year progresses although the school are very good at continuing learning through play and it works well there. Something to consider too is whether they keep her place at the school open for her?
I have to admit I don’t really know about the phonics thing, it’s not been something I’ve had any personal experience or knowledge with - hopefully someone else will know - wonderwoman maybe?
Hope you can work it out with the school to make it easier all round.
I’ll be watching this with interest, as this will be DD this time next year. When DS2 started (also and August baby) he had the option to do part time til Christmas, he actually wanted to do full time like his big brother, but would fall asleep in class!! I would perhaps look at setting up reviews every half term, and increasing her time at school as when it seems appropriate. I don’t know how these things work, but I would expect it would be easier for all concerned if it was specific half days she was doing, rather than on an ad hoc basis, ie taking her out when she seems she cant cope. If it is a regular, ie every Monday, Wednesday and Friday do half days, then the teachers know how to plan, and you and C know where you stand too.
Phonic testing- this new test is for 6 year olds, a 5 min test individually with a teacher, ‘reading’ a few simple phonics-based words. Purpose being to check who is ‘falling behind’ and be able to offer support. It is for the summer term of Y1, I understand.
Yes, if she missed YR she would go straight into Y1 at age 5.
DS1 did half days for a few weeks then we agreed on 3 full days and 2 half days until half-term with the idea that he would continue that way until Xmas. But, he did get less tired as he got used to it. Also, he hated being the child who goes home early! He wanted to stay and asked to do so, so he did after half term and was absolutely fine. DS2 is now just starting full-time today, I expect he will be tired but generally he has far higher energy levels than DS1 and I think he’ll be fine too.
I’d say keep an open mind but be firm with the school- if you think full-time is too much then tell them so and say what you want to do. Maybe try a few whole days each week so she gets used to it and gets the chance to enjoy lunchtimes and playtimes, but keep a few mornings-only too (we did Mon-Wed full-time and Thurs-Fri half days, as the end of the week is always the most tiring). Maybe remind them that it is better to have some half days agreed with them rather than you phoning to say she is too tired/upset to come in on odd days each week!
Phonic testing- this new test is for 6 year olds, a 5 min test individually with a teacher, ‘reading’ a few simple phonics-based words. Purpose being to check who is ‘falling behind’ and be able to offer support. It is for the summer term of Y1, I understand.
Ah yes, that’s it - we heard about this at our year 1 welcome meeting last week - and yes it is in the Summer term they do this - basically they’ll just read a few words with the teacher. I’d forgotten that
Hello, there is a lot to say about this. The first thing being to remember that your DD is in non-compulsory schooling. So anytime you wish to keep her off or are feeling it is too much, NO explanation is needed at all, just write a short SHORT note or phone up and say ‘non-compulsory’ school absence - and you have an instant system of flexi-schooling that should suit you in the short term, which is under your control and is perfectly legal. The school won’t be too bothered about this - simply because it will go down in their stats as non-compulsory school absence and should not affect their targets.
Second the reading tests. Yes, I heard that too, but there may be ways round this as you go along. The most important thing is for you to keep giving your Babes the message that it is okay for young uns to develop at their own rate when they are ready, (though call in the face of pressures from school).
The third thing is: I really don’t mind if you phone me and talk about it. I guess I’ve got a similar rhythm as you with the school run - just pm me and I’ll give you my phone number. I really would like to help in whatever way I can, especially since as you know I went through it with DD and am still feeling the pressures, and you might find there are other challenges along the way.
best
w.w
Re: exemptions from testing - exploring this at the moment as Babes would have been due to take KS2 test - but our head has said she can do continuous assessment instead so surely it will be possible to do something different. But on a different note you may find by the time she is due to take it there will be a huge outcry about it. I hope so. Do let me have your phone number, I catch messages a lot and will get back to you as soon as I can.
best
w.w.
Many reception classes have a cosy area where kids can curl up and rest if tired. I know at the beginning some kids used to fall asleep on a beanbag and that was ok. They would let them sleep and just tell parents when they came to collect.
I don’t know about the testing as I don’t think wales does it anyway.
If it is a regular, ie every Monday, Wednesday and Friday do half days, then the teachers know how to plan, and you and C know where you stand too.
Yes they have said this week that it will be Mon, Weds and Fri so we know where we are. I am hoping that when we review it they will commit to a further fortnight of the same pattern. I don’t think she would ever fall asleep in class (if only) she hasn’t slept in the afternoons since she was 2 and just wouldn’t give into it, when in company. But she really does need downtime. Lots of things whirring round in my head. How to keep communication channels open with school, how to explain it to her, how teachers explain it to her friends. How to make sure she doesn’t lose friends by not being there. All assuming they will continue with the arrangement. WW would be great to chat. I’ll PM you my number
Now - things not going so well and I feel like I am on the backfoot, a fish out of water, fighting a system that everyone else blindly accepts as ok. DD2 is really struggling to go to school every day, every day she wakes up and says she doesn’t want to go and repeats this over and over and over, she clings to me in the classroom and it is very difficult to leave her, it is almost getting worse as time goes on. So as the TA walked me to the gate this morning (I was the last parent to leave) we talked and she also has a just 4 year old in the other reception class. And I said ‘It’s hard’ And she says ‘Yes - but they all have to do it, and they are fine once they are there and in the end they get over it’. And I just nodded and didn’t really respond because there was no time and because I feel as if I am a lone parent in a sea of parents who accept the status quo and accept that this is an ok way to treat our children. Even DH feels uncomfortable because I tend towards bucking the system in all things and he tends towards complying with expectations. But what struck me as I walked away from the gate with the words ‘....and in the end they get over it’ ringing in my ears was that broadly if somebody suffers a traumatic event like for example rape, and excuse me if that sounds like a flippant way to introduce a very serious subject is that we we would never say ‘aaah well ... in the end they get over it’. Yet it seems ok to us as a society to force our children to do something that they personally find traumatic or uncomfortable or scary. So I googled being pushed out of your comfort zone and this came up which is plain english which is great because I love it when someone talks to me in plain english
and some of it just seemed so applicable to how she is coping with starting school
“But there are all sorts of well-meaning people who think it’s in your best interest to force you to do some fear-facing, when actually the thing you are needing most is comfort…........ The problem is that sometimes what you need in order to grow is more comfort. And this kind of work needs to happen where you feel safe; where you’re most comfortable.
That’s why there’s a zone for it.
In the future your grandchildren will look back on this age of insisting on people leaving their comfort zones with shock, horror and a sad shake of the head. The way we do now when we think about things like electric shock therapy and lobotomies. The atrocities of good intentions.
And with any luck this shift will happen in our own generation and we won’t have to wait for your grandkids.
Please, don’t get up. Really, where you are is fine.
If you don’t want out of your comfort zone, that’s a sign that you are being compassionate with yourself. Seriously. Hello, it’s the place where you’re comfortable. It’s where you are. It’s okay that you’re there. And guess what?
As far as I can tell, it’s my job as an educator, teacher, coach, healing person, whatever you want to call it, to get in there with you (if I’m invited and it’s comfortable for you, etc) and meet you there. In fact, this kind of mindful compassion is what you should expect and receive from any wellness professional.
........................ The funny part is that gradually the things you are comfortable with will grow and expand until the whole world is your comfort zone. Bigger comfort zone = more stuff you’re comfortable with. It’s a good thing.
Instead of leaving your comfort zone, let it grow with you
Stretching is good. Gently. Learning new skills is good. Gradually.
Learning new things doesn’t have to mean leaving the comfort zone. You actually want to be growing your comfort zone. And you can do it with as much comfort as possible. At a pace and speed that are comfortable, with support from people who adore you, and adding tricks and techniques as you go.”
But what I am trying to work out now is how all of this translates into practice for me and DD2 because I have desperately been trying to work with the school on this but having met with a Family support worker yesterday she seems intent that ASAP DD is at school full time and the more time goes on the more I worry that I am perceived as an incompetent parent who cannot let go of her child. When I read that paragrapph that I have just quoted I feel confident that my gut instinct is right but how that translates into practice is a toughie. Well meaning professionals at schools have always told me that giving the children control over when they do and when they don’t go to school is unlikely to help them as they will attempt to exert greater control over the process, now I don’t actually know if this is really true and whether any evidence really supports this. I can see that anecdotal evidence of settling children into school will show that if they are given no choice and all control of the process is taken from them than the transitions ‘appears’ easier. If I tell her she is going to school and there is no choice that is the law (which of course it is at 5!). So the question is transition processes and how best to support the, well that is really one of many questions at the moment as I am right in the midst of a struggle that feels like fighting Godzilla as he appears out of the sea, when you first see him you don’t really know how big he is, until there he is towering above you. Immense challenge!!
Oh bless you! This is an issue close to my heart - and we opted NOT to send our summer born children to primary for YR or Y1 as a result of these kinds of issues.
However - if you don’t have other feesable options open to you (we did Steiner kindergarten til age 6) then my knowledge of the “system” would suggest that this simplest thing to do is back off, agree with the school that you’ll get her in full -time. And then simply call her in sick. There is nothing they can do because legally she does not have to be at school.
It would be easier to do maybe three full days and then 2 days at home rather than part days though. Picking her up at lunchtime is going to be much harder than calling in first thing. Email them to make it easy for yourself. SImply say that X is not well enough for school today. You do not have to give any other explanation.
As others have said - they record this as “non complusory school age absence” and it in NO WAY affects their attendance figures. So it is win win.
You have to be strong. Do what is right for you child and stuff the system. If only more parents cared enough the way you do.
As for your DD - tell her the truth i suggest - that until she is 5 she does not have to go to school - but that after her 5th birthday she does. Make it clear now and you shouldn’t get problems later.
The other (more drastic) option is withdrawing her and sending her again next year - although there is the risk that you will lose your place unless the school is under-subscribed. You might also want to ring your county education department and ask about the option of holding the place during THIS academic year. We certainly had the option of holding the place providing we took it up during the same academic year. i.e. - she starts school after Easter or even two weeks before the end of the summer term. We didn’t do this as still didn’t want them there full-time at 5 - but IF it is an option it might give you a break without loosing your place.
Funny how quickly things change ..... I imagined she would be doing half days until at least Christmas and possibly beyond. It turned out she only needed to do this for a month and now she is thoroughly enjoying school, more than DD1 ever did, her enthusiasm for it at 4 is playful and childlike, she loves chasing in the playground, she is really enjoying learning her words and has been plucking word off the fridge this morning already and sounding them out. Something DD1 never did. She actually astounds me, although DD2 has always astounded me in everything she does. It is crazy isn’t it how our worries which are so big at the time, when looking in retrospect, seem, well I don’t know.. Anyway just thought I’d update, thanks for all your support during the emotional first weeks ....
Lovely to read such a positive update, they really do know how to show us when they are ready for things don’t they.
Hope all continues to be a happy journey for everyone involved x
It’s amazing how different they can all be. I think it is always easier for subsequent children as they are used to seeing their older siblings going off to school, and know that you pick them up at the end of the day.
