Thomas seems to be getting very frustrated at the moment as he has started to assert himself a lot more and obviously doesn't always gethis own way.  When he gets cross he looks around and starts to bash something near to him.  Occasionally he has bashed us but I think that has stopped, but he will bash pretty much anything else.  I am wondering how to approach this with him, or whether to just ignore it, or how to react really.  I don't want him to feel he can't express angry feelings, or that its wrong to feel angry, but also I find it hard to know how to react to it, especialy when he did it on the bus today and it sounded so loud and thug-like (he is only 2  :-[).  I guess its probably a phase which will pass when he can express his anger better verbally but he is a very good speaker for his age so I wonder whether this will be just part of his character as his Dad can't express his anger either (never hits anyone or anything, but did dent the wall once when he was in a strop! ::)  Any ideas?

Alice

I am a trained teacher in Adult Education with a child who is nearly three. I know this experience
is not the answer to everything but I tend to think people (including young people) tend to get
angry when their choices are limited.

So I would tend towards increasing your little ones choices. You known, all sorts, like 'would you like
to wear the green trousers or the red trousers…' - 'would you like to hold the ticket or the shopping bag'
- it doesn't always work with my little one, but she is very strong willed, and often it does…
All the best, my DH sounds a lot like yours…
w.w.

Give him something safely bash-able. That sometimes helped with mine. or get them to run around really quickly if you're somewhere that could work, or put some loud music on and dance round madly - anty8ing really physical to help get all that adrenalin out.

Yes, of course, Julysea is quite right too. Open spaces and being able
to run round without being told 'don't' is the answer to many things…
for little ones (and adults too…)
w.w.

Giving choices has always worked for us too - 'green or red trousers?' rather than 'get dressed' is always much more successful.

I am in the throes of the 2yo anger thing at the moment  he gets completely enraged and holds his breath and shakes all over while turning red.  I kind of think it's sweet and try really hard not to laugh at him as that is soooo the wrong thing to do. 

When mine have ever had tantrums - quite rarely luckily - my tactic has always been to stay nearby quietly until it's over. 

Becky
xx

Maybe you can hold him/hug him while he's raging so that he can't hurt himself or anyone else, until he calms down. But if he is just plain shouting or screaming, I found with my dd the best thing to do is leave her alone. Every time I tried talking, explaining etc, resulted in the tantrum escalating, but being left on her own meant, she would come out of her 'raging spot' within a few minutes saying sorry and wanting a hug.

Both our children have been through phases like this and indeed our dd still has her moments!  ::)  However I believe that this kind of behaviour can be reduced greatly by our own responses and the way we communicate with our children.  I believe most children behave in this way when they know that they will get attention even if it is negative from tantruming.  It is easy to get into a pattern of saying "don't do that" and "stop that" etc.  I tend to speak calmly to dd when she is upset and offer her a choice.  If I get no response I will attempt to distract her by putting on music or suggesting an activity.  If she is beyond reason then I tell her that I am not going to answer until she calms down and try and ignore her tantrum, obviously moving her somewhere safe if she is in danger of hurting herself. She will normally go to my bedroom and has to stay there until she calms down, by knowing that she can leave when she calms down means shee tends to calm down quickly as there are no toys or fun things to do in my room. When she is good I reinforce what a good girl she is and always give attention and praise when she is being a little angel.  She has learnt that she gets much more attention for being good and rarely exhibits any of the old "behaviours" now.