Why do SOME people automatically assume that an only child will be socially inept, isolated and friendless? It seems such a stereotype - I don’t understand it, if you are a family which gets out and about in different social circles…after all having siblings is sometimes not easy either, is it?
best
w.w.

Well, my DS is an only child and he is quite the opposite to that stereotype.  He has always been very outgoing and made friends easily wherever he has gone and from a very young age.  He’s also very confident and chats easily to adults and children alike.  Of course, this may just be his own personality, but I have often thought that it might be being an only child that has made him seek out the company of other children.

It’s just one of those stupid old sayings isn’t it, I’m glad I’ve never had anyone say it to me but then they’d get a short sharp answer from me if anyone did .
As with many only children, my daughter is certainly not any of those things - hasn’t stopped talking to people since she could talk, socially holding conversations with children and adults alike and she has a wide circle of friends and acquaintances of all ages. And yes having siblings isn’t easy sometimes (I have 2) as although there are times they are getting on great together, there are times when it’s not great as some recent threads have highlighted.

Stereotypes of any sort just suck!

I’m an only child and I loved it! I had lots of friends as a child and never wished for a sibling. Now I have two chiuldren, I find it fasinating learning about the sibling bond, but either way it can be good or otherwise!

Very dependent on what a child gets up to and their personality.  My friends have decided to only have 1 child.  He is terrible at sharing.  He is also 3.  Is he terrible at sharing because he’s an only child or because he’s 3?  Only time will tell.

I would have been impossible as an only child.  And I think my daughter would also have been really difficult as an only child.  We are extreme extroverts who feed off spending lots of time with other people.  We can be quite wearing.

akaekb - 27 October 2011 02:04 PM

I would have been impossible as an only child.  And I think my daughter would also have been really difficult as an only child.  We are extreme extroverts who feed off spending lots of time with other people.  We can be quite wearing.

I get what you’re saying here about yourself or your dd, but even the extrovert only child can have opportunities for socialising with as many people as they want to be around - doesn’t have to be siblings. Kind of the point of the original post and certainly my post is that an only child can be sociable, lots of friends, etc ... without the need of siblings. Siblings works for you and your dd, but not for everyone. A lot of thoughts on this can be down to perception too.
As it happens I’d describe my dd as extrovert, it has been tiring for me at times being the main carer but joyfilled too

akaekb - 27 October 2011 02:04 PM

Very dependent on what a child gets up to and their personality.  My friends have decided to only have 1 child.  He is terrible at sharing.  He is also 3.  Is he terrible at sharing because he’s an only child or because he’s 3?  Only time will tell.

... or (playing devils advocate here) maybe it’s something completely different.

(Just my thoughts, hoping you take no offence to this, as none meant )

We’re expecting our first and are only planning on having one (age, health plus other reasons) and despite what friends have said, we are not concerned about social ineptitude, isolation issues etc - that’ll be down to us to ensure our child doesn’t have these problems and therefore want to live under the stairs

There was a fairly recent article in ‘TIME’ http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,2002530-1,00.html about peoples perceptions on people that do only have one child and the child itself - “About 120 years ago, an Amercian, Granville Hall, established one of the first American psychology-research labs and was a leader of the child-study movement. A national network of study groups called Hall Clubs existed to spread his teachings. But what he is most known for today is supervising the 1896 study “Of Peculiar and Exceptional Children,” which described a series of only-child oddballs as permanent misfits. Hall — and every other fledgling psychologist — knew close to nothing about credible research practices. Yet for decades, academics and advice columnists alike disseminated his conclusion that an only child could not be expected to go through life with the same capacity for adjustment that children with siblings possessed. “Being an only child is a disease in itself,” he claimed”.

The article goes on to desribe all of the pluses of being an only child and there are heaps, so it’s defintiely worth the read.  I personally love this article as it means everyone that criticises our choice opts to not discuss the topic with us any further)

Does it matter if a child (only or otherwise) *does* choose to live “under the stairs”, or at least, not want to be particularly “sociable”? It seems that introverted people with siblings are normal, but introverted only children *must* be like that because they have no sibs!

Angie

It’s annoying, but we haven’t really experienced that yet. DS completely turns that argument on its head anyway, as DH and I are both fairly introverted, but DS is a real extrovert. He loves other children and will play with any that are around in the park, he’s very loud and sociable. I, on the other hand, have a brother and I was extremely shy as a child. I wouldn’t say “boo” to a goose. I get more upset when people assume that DS, who is 4, is our only child by a choice. Comments like “isn’t it time you had another one?” etc really cut to the bone as we’ve been trying unsuccessfully for #2 for over 2 years now. Most of my friemds know our situation, but neighbours and acquaintances don’t and I don’t want to tell them, so I just say “we’ll see” which is a cop out. DS is home educated and I reckon some people think I’m “keeping him at home” for company. I admit I’d find it strange not to have him around, but we certainly haven’t chosen HE for that reason-I’m always wondering if we’ve done the right thing!

Anyway, I’m going off topic now, so I’ll shut up!