Im just after a little bit of guidance here if I can?

My daughter, jjst turned 2, has been very poorly the past 3 weeks and so I know she has had a lot of deal with physically and emotionally. She is very aware of herself for her age and does find situations very overwhelming and so I always follow her lead, making sure she feels safe and comfortable before we go ahead with anything. I know to some people I seem over caring for her, but I dont see it this way as she is very independant by nature but also very sensitive and so therefore if I can limit the amount of stress for her, then I will, as in my opinion that is what we are here to do…to help our children become the people they want to be. But thats a bit off topic…anyway, the past few days she has had some pretty intense meltdowns. We’ve always had fairly good communication (I feel) and Ive never struggled to know what to do, but honeslt yesterday (she had 2 yesterday) I really didnt know what to do. I felt bemused and helpless.

Nothing triggered them (well nothing apparent anyway, though I am well aware the past few weeks could have taken its toll on her, but the obvious things ie hunger, tiredness, loneliness etc were not the reasons) and she was crying to much and screaming out to be to be cuddled (which I was doing) but it was as if she couldnt see me through getting into so much of a state. It was really horrible to see her so distressed and all I could do was hold her (thats what she wanted me to do as best as I could make out) and quietly tell her (which she couldnt hear as she was really loud) that she is safe and I am here.

When she calmed down (about 40 minutes later) she couldnt remember what was the issue (When normally she can…as I said above, very aware for her age) and went off to focus her attention on something else. I gave her some rescue remedy and she seemed ok after but it was very surreal…she was almost shaking with fear (I guess of her emotions?)

I just wondered what you do in these situations?

My mum suggested to keep a little journal of them so I can identify for myself what the triggers may be and how best to help her..that sounds like a good idea to me. Today has been fine (apart from a potty fiasco but thats something different!!)

Its really unnerving to see her so out of control, but I think I kept it together as best as I could (I could have easy freaked out too thinking she was ill or something else irrational!)

If you read my long and probably very uninteresting post Im grateful already.

Any thoughts welcomed x

It sounds entirely normal….sorry xxx

At about this age children finally work out that what she is thinking is NOT the same as what you or anybody else is thinking. Which is a big deal, as it means for example that whilst she might like jumping on her friend her friend might not be enjoying it equally. And that whilst she thinks you are the very best thing ever in the whole world she is coming to realise that she can do things that make you feel frustrated with her. Apparently a lot of toddler tantrums have their root cause in this huge developemtnal step. BUT any little contributing thing can tip the balance and having been so ill recently she is bound to be more vunerable than normal.

I find being very calm and still and just sitting and holding without saying anything works best. If I find myself getting distressed/angry/bored/frustrated/embaressed etc then I kind of meditate and imagine I am a huge oak tree and that their anger is just a gentle breeze blowing my branches about but that my roots go real deep and are really strong so I anchor myself and stay calm (Joxy mentioned this at some point to I copied it and it does work well).

Like you know too little or too much food/drink/sleep/stimulation/sugar/tv/illness/boredom/tiredness etc etc all contribute hugely. Is it possible that having been ill she needs to eat and drink LOTS more in order to re-build herself and remain calm and focused?

hello lovely…not sure i can be of much help but thought I’d respond until another mama comes along with more experience and knowledge than me! DS hasn’t really had tantrums…yet! But I’ve currently got a copy of connection parenting from another mama on here which talks a lot about this, although I haven’t finished it yet, so my response comes from my initial reading of this book and not experience.

But it does say that when children behave in this way they may be outpouring from any number of things which have upset them or sent them off balance. From what it says, you are doing exactly the right thing, just holding her as she asks and letting her know it is safe for her to express how she feels while she is with you. It must be a horrible thing to see but your DD is learning to feel and express herself which is such a powerful and amazing thing. And she is doing exactly what the book says by then going off to focus on something else - she has released her emotions and is able to play again then.

Sorry to sound all book-y but just wanted to post something until another mama comes on…follow your instincts, you obviously have a very strong connection with your DD…keep holding her at these times…whilst the mama’s on here hold you and hear you too
x x

Thank you both for your amazing replies, Im really grateful. I do think that she is incredibly sensitive to her surroundings and sometimes something happens which Im not even aware of and sets her into panic mode (like our hallway for example, she hates it despite my best efforts to make it light and airy and full of her paintings)

With regards to her eating…yes I agree she probably does need more to rebuild her after a time of illness, but she is a real grazer and so I always have food with me to offer her (as she has never enjoyed big meals) In terms of stimulation, it wouldnt be TV as we dont watch it, or sugar as she very rarely has it! Call me cruel mother, but Ive seen the effects of even small doses of sugar on children and its not usually a pretty sight. For this I am grateful as it means my daughter would rather eat a handful of blueberries than a suagr laden cake.

I think I will try to keep a little mento the possible triggers though as I know every child is so different and it would help me to be aware of things getting too much for her before the meltdown happens.

Veganmummy…no, L has never had these before and I do think it probably has a lot to do with her recent illness which probably threw her off course…she is usually very placid in herself which is why its even more distressing for me to witness and for her to have to deal with.

Than k you both, really, thank you x