I tend to eat alot with my fingers at home, and probablly whilst I am out too when I think about it, it is such a habit I don’t really notice what I do.
I know it is important that children learn to use knife and fork correctly, and I will ensure that Poppy learns to do that too, but just wondering what others views are?
I think there is also a skill to eating nicely with your fingers and table manners are more than just about cutlery.
Any thoughts on this???

there are certain foods that do require eating with fingers and yes there is a etiquette of eating with your fingers! I do think table manners are really importnant as it sets an impression in later life when needed I was taught table manners by my gran who was a bit posh and so glad I was as I have always felt comfortable in situations where eating around people. who I don’t know. I also think this should be done as early as possible so it is the normal. I am not talking about silver service for every meal just what is acceptable to eat with fingers and what requires cutlery and how to use it prop ally.

Growing up my family were extremely strict about table manners; knife and fork both had to be used, elbows off the table, positioning knife and fork on the plate in a certain way when the meal was over etc.  Whilst I am a lot less strict about this with my children, I do expect good manners whilst eating; chewing with mouth open is a BIG bear bug for me (my husband does it and we fight regularly over it) and no bad talk about food either.  If you don’t like it, leave it, but don’t ruin it for those who are enjoying it.  Also being courteous when asking to be passed something, and waiting your turn etc.  I consider these things to be very basic, but I have been quite shocked when having friends (with their children) over to eat by their distinct lack of manners, it really has put me off.  Different priorities I suppose.

We often eat with our hands, which I consider to be fine in the right setting, and when a child (or adult) is accustomed to doing so it is quite civilized and messy free.

Oh good, i thought I was the only one having hang-ups about these things. I think table manners are important. You should know how to eat properly, with mouth closed, how to use cutlery etc. And then you can decided when to ignore that in your own home if you’re having dinner on your lap or whatever, but you should know how, so you’re comfortable in every kind of company. Also, I think it shows a certain elegance. I find it really offputting to watch someone eat, otherwise looking lovely, but hunched over their plate and shovelling it in… I know I’m sad.. I’m not incredibly rigid with the children, but I do regularly remind them to take their elbows off the table, not to talk with their mouth full, not to make noises when they eat and to sit up straight. And glare at DH when he needs reminding. I don’t think there is a problem with eating with your hands, as long as you do it nicely and neatly.

Love, SunshineXX

I grew up eating with my fingers (I don’t mean just certain “finger foods,” but everything at every meal), and though I’d like Ru to be able to use cutlery when and where it’s expected, for me it’s very important that she not learn that eating with the fingers is bad or disgusting.  We were at the home of friends once—they have a daughter the same age as Ru—and I admit I was taken aback and slightly offended when they told their daughter off for eating with her fingers by saying that it was “filthy” and that she had “barnyard manners.”  Maybe I’m just more aware than many other people of the ways in which we condition our kids to be open (or not!) to other cultures and other ways of life.  A child who’s been taught that eating with the fingers is filthy is surely going to have that at the back of his or her mind if he/she ever moves to a country where everybody eats with their fingers.

Of course, table manners are always subjective, but then I *do* enforce certain rules that operate in both the cultures I’ve lived in, without thinking too much about the fact that those rules might not exist in other places .  Those rules include not talking with your mouth full (probably fine in some cultures!), not being messy (no food on the table or the floor), keeping your face and mouth clean during the meal .

Jennifer, I used to be so underconfident eating in company, so yes I agree it is important to learn the etiquette.
I agree Sunshine that eating well does have an elegance, and also that this can be achieved by eating with you fingers in certain circumstances. Glad that you all agree it can be acceptable!
Preetabird - My Dad used to call us something I would be too embarresed to print if we ate with our hands, but it didn’t affect my attidudes, although I’m sure it could with other people.
Ummsalam, I agree too about the no bad talking about food, I hinted to Hubby that it would be nice if he remembered to thank me for each meal so Poppy can also learn that too, not just for me, but when she is eating at friends houses later.
Ultimatly I think there are bound to be some people who find others eating habits off putting, even if the person in question is eating politely and cleanly, if it does not fit with their expectations. (I suppose I am thinking about the in-laws attitudes here)
We encourage Poppy to chew properly and not talk with food in her mouth, finish her mouthful before she gets down from the table and not drink with food in her mouth (I really find that off putting).
But we are so far happy for her to eat anything with her hands as long as she is actually eating it and not just squishing it with her fingers. We use napkins so she is encouraged to clean her face and hands, but as I share my plate with Poppy it is difficult for us to both use cutlery properly, and so usually I end up just using a fork or spoon.
I don’t want her to feel uncomfortable in company so will definatly use cutlery properly more in the near future so she is comfortable with it too. I also like the idea of her learning to serve herself from the dishes at the table when she is a bit older, so it promotes a sense of how much food she can eat and sharing.
Thanks for your thoughts