I think it was called that. Was it just me and my friend who got very angry with the whole programme? Obviously we understand that we only saw a snippet of what actually happens and I guess there could have been a lot of background info that we were not told/shown…but I think it is either 1) wrong that social services acted the way they did or 2) they have portrayed SS to work differently to how they actually would do.
Basically, the family weren’t coping too well with their child and I won’t go into too much detail here but my friend and I strongly believed that they should have been given more support (or at least, us as the viewers should have been shown that they were given the support because from what I saw it didn’t look like they were at all).
The impression we both got was that SS came in regularly over time and walked around with their clipboard basically telling the family how bad they were coping with being parents and inflicting their opinions on them. What I feel they should have done, was given the family more support and given proper help in establishing a routine and ideas about how to deal with things they felt they couldn’t cope with. As I have said, it’s possible they were given this, but the programme showed that they were being told “get him a bed”, “put a stair gate up”, “make him brush his teeth” etc etc without giving proper help and guidance as to how to go about doing all this. The parents found the little boys behaviour hard to cope with so for them it could have felt virtually impossible to inflict routines on him without such a battle that they had no energy to stick to anything.
The programme gave no explanation as to their reason for him not having a bed…did he co-sleep? (I know they mentioned at one point that he slept on the sofa but not sure if this was a permanent thing). They never mentioned if it was a poverty thing as to why he didn’t have a bed either or why he hadn’t had lunch before nursery some times or whether it was purposeful neglect.
Again, like I say, it is possible they WERE given support and help and it’s possible it WAS due to neglect and not due to other reasons but the programme didn’t show this.
For what my friend and I saw, it looked like that the poor parents had had bad upbringings themselves and struggled to know how to cope with being parents. Instead of being supported, they were told repeatedly how badly they were coping and in the end the child (and then a new sibling) were taken into foster care (separately I might add) and this eventually resulted in dad leaving and mum deciding the SW was right and she could never cope with being a mum and so she chose to have them adopted.
In my eyes, she (more than the dad) wanted what was best for her children but just didn’t know how to go about it. She needed someone to support her PROPERLY and to help her a long the way - and also for someone to have faith in her that she CAN be a good mum - it just takes perseverance, practice and lots of help and support.
I’d be interested to see what other people’s opinions are on this.
Oh, I just want to add that I’m not complaining about SWs at all as I know they have a very very tough job (one of my best friends is a SW dealing with adoption and fostering and I know how stretched to the limit she is).
I just felt, that if they had been living in a palace but physically abusing the children, no one would have noticed them. But because they had a grubby flat they were being constantly blamed for neglecting their children.
I watched it and to be honest the Dad made me feel very uneasy. I agree they needed more “help” being parents as neither of them seem to have actually been parented at all but I thought the Dad just didn’t want to make the effort, when he was sat in the room during his visit and while the guy was watching he barely said one word to his son and practically ignored him. I guess without enthusiasm and effort put in by the parents then they have to think of the child first. I wanted some kind of sheltered flat with help available all the time so that Mum could have had the LOs and be shown how to mother and I think she would have been able to do it, I guess there are just not that sort of resources available, which is truely sad I think.
I think SW have to do the best for the child and I wouldn’t have been able to sleep as that SW if I had left that little boy with his Dad that night and I guess form then on things sort of snowballed. I didn’t feel the child was loved or cared for really, I did feel he was being neglected but I think Mum could have done a good job with the right help (and without dad around). It was a sad program though to see how some children are brought up :(
I felt so sorry for the mum. She was caught in a negative downward spiral and no-one seemed to be helping her out of it. The SW’s had the children’s safety as foremost (of course) but this meant that they didn’t appear to be supporting the mum and giving her the ability to become the parent they felt she should be. To hear a mum say that her children are better off without her is a sad thing, but if she had being given more practical and emotional support, rather than just being observed, then maybe the outcome would have been different? I also felt that there should be some kind of “living place” where these families could be given one to one support and advice around the clock. I know it would be costly but again it’s about prevention rather than cure isn’t it? If the money was invested in this kind of approach then more families might be kept together. After all the potential costs for caring for the family sowed could turned out to be much more. How much does it cost to emply the social worker to be the key worker throughout that little boys life? The cost of foster care? Training the carers? What if the boy turns out to be a trouble teen/adult? Criminal damage? Detention costs? Potential health costs? Substance addiction? Cost of treatments? Further generations of the family?
I’m not saying the child will follow that path, but it is a high possibilty. Surely it makes sense to put preventative measures in place now by helping his mother become the best she can be, with round the clock support if necessary until she feels confident in her own abilities?
Surely it makes sense to put preventative measures in place now by helping his mother become the best she can be, with round the clock support if necessary until she feels confident in her own abilities?
I didn’t see the program, but can understand the frustrations. My big bugbear is political, how often do you hear of extra funding for social services? Never! It is all put into NHS, policing, education. I’m not saying these things aren’t worthy, but they are vote winners, and hence social services and the people it serves is severly neglected.
Sorry, of at a complete tangent, but thought I would add my two pennies worth!
Surely it makes sense to put preventative measures in place now by helping his mother become the best she can be, with round the clock support if necessary until she feels confident in her own abilities?
I didn’t see the program, but can understand the frustrations. My big bugbear is political, how often do you hear of extra funding for social services? Never! It is all put into NHS, policing, education. I’m not saying these things aren’t worthy, but they are vote winners, and hence social services and the people it serves is severly neglected.
Sorry, of at a complete tangent, but thought I would add my two pennies worth!
You should watch it, I wondered what you would think, it is part of a series of three I think so watch out for the next one. I felt very sorry for the mum and felt sad because if you have never seen good parenting, then how do you do it. But I was completely grossed out watching the dog poo be walked around the house and the boys bedroom. It was sadly played out as if that were the inevitable that they would be taken away though, but I did think that was the right option for the children, so the mum made the right choice in the end by prioritising her childrens needs over her own. I have much admiration for her and hope she does go on to sort herself out especially now that relationship is over.
I didn’t see it, but I do remember going as a youth worker to a child protection course primarily aimed at social workers. They all seemed very “trigger happy”. I remember we had to look at case studies and decide what to do about them from a CP point of view. One of the was a case of a Turkish father and 15yo daughter who were refugees. The daughter had mentioned that she and her father shared a bed. That was all the information given. Everyone else in the room decided to make immediate foster care arrangements to get the daughter out of an “abusive situation”. I tried to suggest that there were innocent explanations - perhaps their culture was one of co-sleeping into teens, or perhaps the daughter was so traumatised by her situation that she needed that nightime care, but the SWs were adamant that she be taken into care and asked questions later.
When the results were given it turned out that they lived in a bedsit, and the father worked nights, so the daughter used the bed at night and the father during the day. It made me really sad though that every SW in the room made a knee-jerk reaction which would have seen a traumatised kid removed from a perfectly loving homelife :(
Having said all that, we were involved in some filming which was then edited to such an extent that it was *nothing* like what really happen - to the point where a friend was “shown” buying an item of lingerie for a vast sum of money which he never actually bought - it nearly split him and his partner up as she hadn’t received said item (obviously), and thought that he must have been having an affair!
I agree that with support the mum could of coped and I was sooooo sad for her I was crying. The programme didnt portray all of the sides of the assistance given mainly I would think from time restraints, but I would like to think there was some more assistance offered, but we will never know. I do know though that SS take the decision to take children away from their parents very seriously, though of course they do get it wrong occasionally.
But they can only work with what is presented to them, and I felt the Dad hadnt really grasped how serious it was (whether through non interest or his own learning problems I dont know), I was so frustrated watching him not interract with his son, who was clearly looking for his attention when he was being assessed. The assessor obviously felt for the child too, as He broke his silence to talk to the boy, when he could contain it no longer.
They could of worked with the poor mum though after he had left, and Im sure she could have learnt to do a wonderful job with enough support, so so sad that she wasnt given the chance to try without him, which may of made all the difference, we’ll never know.
The flat was filthy though, especially the dog poo on the floor, I know we all struggle at times but if he was consistanly surrounded by dog poo it wouldnt be very healthy, we dont know that either.
I expect social services only took his thriving once in care as further evidence his needs werent being met before, rightly or wrongly.
In social services defence I would hate to do their job, such decisions are so hard, and getting it wrong has such horrible consequences
I don’t have a TV or good enough internet to watch online.
I did wonder why my sister’s facebook status was, “omg why do parents think its ok to let there kids sleep on the sofa instead of buying a bed for him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There are decent people that cant have kids, why let these nob heads get keep there kids???”
My sister and I aren’t alike though, she’s like my mum and can be quite judemental about people she knows nothing about!
I think the problem with “the system” is, social workers get into trouble if they leave a child in a dangerous situation, yet it’s no problem for them/their career if they take a child from a situation that could be resolved, so they take the safe option.
It is an absolute outrage and I have opinionated about this on here before. In most other countries a child is only taken when definite proof of serious abuse is evidenced. The UK is the only nation in the world where children are taken and adopted off because they might be AT RISK of being abused, even emotional abuse. Adopting these children is non-reversible and they will have to have new identities. They will never see their parents again unless they find them when they are adults. Being adopted is a huge difference from being taken into care where parents always have a chance of getting their children back with the right support and the children retain their identity. The above website contains a list of how much money each councils make from adoptions. The public is rarely aware of the set up of the family courts where all hearings are heard in private and parents are put on trial without a jury. That’s right, there are no jurys in the family court, if a parent reports their plight to the press (who are not allowed to report it!!!) they can be imprisoned, again by a secret court without a jury. Even a murderer gets a fair trial with a jury.
I didn’t actually watch the programme (thank goodness!!!) but it does not sound to me like these children deserved to be severed from their parents for good. If there wasn’t a bed in the house and the family were poor, then why wasn’t a community care grant offered to them to purchase one. The socail services know full well about these. The mantra of the social services is always about doing their best to keep families together, we can see here that is not always the case!!!
i think people can read into these shows what they want,depending on there experiences,or what they’ve heard about ss.i think in the end she was a very brave lady,who obiously wanted the best for her kids and she knew she couldnt give it for what ever her reasons,i wish her happiness however she chooses to find it and hope she does her best to make a success of her life x
Having not worked in child protection I feel I cannot pass judgement on how it was handled, but if it is anything like adult protection, keeping someone supported in the community is the utmost aim, but it can feel like banging your head against a brick wall at times, no matter what support is put in, it isn’t enough and at the end of the day the social worker has to make a decision about the risks being faced by the individual, and whether those risks are acceptable or not. I know the decision to place someone in care is never taken lightly, but unfortunately money does come into it as well. With a finite budget, and seemingly infinite number of service users a line has to be drawn, and unless there is plenty of willing voluntary help too sometimes the support network simply cannot be effective enough in the community.
I will have to keep an eye out for any more in this series.
The public is rarely aware of the set up of the family courts where all hearings are heard in private and parents are put on trial without a jury. That’s right, there are no jurys in the family court, if a parent reports their plight to the press (who are not allowed to report it!!!) they can be imprisoned, again by a secret court without a jury. Even a murderer gets a fair trial with a jury.
A bit off topic, by my friend attends a family court right now regarding access arrangements where her son’s father (who is proven to be violent) has been granted unsupervised access to their child. It has been mainly down to reports which have been wrongly written (ie twisting the truth to get it through and out of their system asap) so it sounds like it is the best thing for the child (WHICH IT IS NOT!).
I think it is disgusting that family courts have no jury and in my experience children’s services aren’t always in the best interest of the child but more to reach the targets that some unknown person “above” has set. (As in child care and education services too…but that’s another thread!) x
I didn’t see it, but I do remember going as a youth worker to a child protection course primarily aimed at social workers. They all seemed very “trigger happy”. I remember we had to look at case studies and decide what to do about them from a CP point of view. One of the was a case of a Turkish father and 15yo daughter who were refugees. The daughter had mentioned that she and her father shared a bed. That was all the information given. Everyone else in the room decided to make immediate foster care arrangements to get the daughter out of an “abusive situation”. I tried to suggest that there were innocent explanations - perhaps their culture was one of co-sleeping into teens, or perhaps the daughter was so traumatised by her situation that she needed that nightime care, but the SWs were adamant that she be taken into care and asked questions later.
When the results were given it turned out that they lived in a bedsit, and the father worked nights, so the daughter used the bed at night and the father during the day. It made me really sad though that every SW in the room made a knee-jerk reaction which would have seen a traumatised kid removed from a perfectly loving homelife :(
A good friend of mine is a social worker and she was horrified that my dd had a bath with my DH still at age 3! She also felt that boys and girls should never share a room. I found it sad that she felt this as I can’t see the problem with either of those! Admittedly DH doesn’t share a bath with my dd now (think he did til she was around 5) but he still bathes with our DS. I bath with both of them (at the same time and if we can fit DS2 in when he arrives too we will all be in there! )
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