Ive come to realise that I have very few friends IRL. I have a couple of friends who are my DH’s friends wifes/partners whom I love and get on well with , but most of my friends before I met him were friends with me and my ex, they all still see him and though we broke up fairly acrimoniously they dont really still see me….if they do it tends to be me ringing them
I have people I get on with at work but noone to go out with or go and see. My best friend moved away and is at uni, so with her kids and mine we rarely see each other and if im honest we have lost touch…...how do I go about finding some when I work fulltime have my DS and no money to go out anywhere?????

Not a sob stpry just wanted to discuss does anyone else feel like this? x

I did feel like this for a while.  We moved areas so I left my friends behind. It took at least 2-3yrs to find local friends but to be honest there’s only really 2 people I’d class as “friends” and only one of those who I’d class as a close friend.

I still have my old school friends but they are all in my old area (about 1.5hrs away so certainly not unreachable but couldn’t pop out with). My old friends and I tend to arrange things around the children - for eg, due to half term this week I have met up with 2 friends and their children and meeting another with her children at the weekend. But it’s normally at least 3mths or more between get togethers - often more like 6 months with one of them.

I don’t meet anyone regularly. Even my 2 local friends. One of those friends used to be a mum from my children’s school so we’d have a chat every morning/afternoon but now they go to different schools so we have to make more effort. It’s still just with the children though. I don’t really see any of my friends without the children. The other friend is an old colleague from the first local job I had since moving here.  I stopped going out in the evenings when we moved areas - firstly because I had no one to go with but now I’m just not interested in going. When I worked in my old workplace I went out a couple of times with work and I quite enjoyed it. Now I am at a different workplace and I avoid work nights out at all costs - they’re all big drinkers and I’m really not at all.

For the first couple of years I felt quite lonely and HUGELY missed my friends…but I think that was because I was at home with a baby and a toddler and no one to meet up with.

But now, it doesn’t bother me at all that I don’t have a social life without the children. I very rarely meet up with any friends at weekends - only on odd occasions when it’s not been possible to organise something during the week.

Do you feel you need friends because you feel you want to get out? Or do you just feel like you should have friends when really it doesn’t really bother you not going out?

How old is your DS? Can you meet other mums with similar age children at the weekend so that after a while you can suggest getting together without the children?

When I first moved here I advertised on Netmums in the Meet a Mum section and met a lovely lady who I kept in touch wtih for the first year or so of being here. Our children didn’t hugely hit it off and in the end we drifted away from each other but it was good to have a contact when we first moved.

The 2 friends I have here I met one throught work and one through my children and thats plenty for me. (I’m far too busy to have a social life!! ha ha!!)

To be honest, I text my best friend (from school who doesn’t live nearby) daily and often speak to her on the phone so she’s the one I turn to if I’m feeling lonely or needing a chat.

What about your DHs friends partners? Can you not suggest to one or two of them to meet up at the weekend? Do any have similar interests as you that you can do together?

Hugs x x x x because I know how lonely it can get sometimes when your friends aren’t around. x x x x

Thanks for the reply honey
I think I just want someone to talk to who isnt my DH dont get me wrong I love my DH and he is my best friend but sometimes it would be nice to have someone else to talk to. I would like to get out more, I live and work in the same place and dont really get away much. I miss contact with other mums, DH’s friends are fab and we meet up as often as we can but they live a little way away.

Maybe I just want to meet people who share my values and I can meet up with regularly enough to get away from work/home a bit more….so maybe its just I want to go out a bit more and thats more what it is?? Hmmm you have really made me think, thank you I will give it somemore thought.

I used to spend much more time with friends before I met DH and had more of a social life, I really dont get out now so maybe it is the work life balance that is now wrong????

Thanks honey x

oh and I think im jealous that my ex still sees our friends and I dont , feel a bit hurt it is him they kept in touch with?

How about something like a local transition network group?  I’m sure there would be people with similar values, and if it is anything like the one in our town there will be various social/publicity events.

Just wanted to say that YES! I could have written that. I’m in exactly the same position so don’t have any advice. My hubby is my best friend and while I feel blessed in that, it also scares me because it puts me in a vulnerable position, iykwim.
Anyway, I decided this year would be my ‘year of community’ and I’ve got involved in a couple of local film clubs as well as a project to set up an alternative therapy and art space - I’m hoping I’ll meet one or two soul mates through that. I just wish WE all lived closer!

Hello

Another ‘me too!’ here! I have almost no social life since DD was born, and I’m fine with that, but I miss having like minded friends to talk to. I made a few friends with babies the same age when I was on maternity leave, but we’ve all drifted apart. I have two or three close friends I’ve stayed in touch with, but they all live hours away now. Like starchild I’ve been thinking about building community locally, going to the local transition group or something, but while I’m stuck with the evil day job I’m really reluctant to be away from DD the rest of the time, even in the evenings when she is asleep. I did at least get a bit of gossip / chatting about families at the evil day job, but since I’ve been promoted to heaad of department a distance has appeared and I don’t even have that any more. I think I’m reaching the conclusion that until I can get rid of the evil day job, I am a hermit. I’d love to have friends who have children, and with whom I also have interests in common, rather than one or the other which is all I’ve managed so far. As others have said, thank the gods for this forum!

blessings
Hexate

I don’t have many either! Two that I see once a month or so (and keep in touch with on facebook), and three from my school days who I see once a year. None of us seem to have much in common any more…and part of the problem is alcohol - I don’t drink any more, and they do. It makes socialising difficult!

Ach, I’m happy enough with my own company most of the time. As long as I’ve got my camera! It’d be nice to meet people who share some similar interests, though.

I moved house every couple of years as a child so the idea of having friends from school is bizarre - which one?  I never really had those life-time long friendships. 

This is the longest time in my life I have ever lived anywhere.  4 years.  Sometimes I get anxious and tell my dh I want to move again soon.  I don’t even know why.  I probably don’t really want to… it just feels strange to be in one place.

I have a few friends.  I met through home ed groups with my kids (always hit and miss, afte rall home educating is not alll that I am!) .  A couple of women I’d consider able to call in emergencies and such.  I have people I know to say hi to also but not ‘friends’.

I think having *young* children I cut myself off from the world.  I didn’t to playschools or nursery or school.  So was always the one alone in playgrounds. 

As my children have grown and we have branched out it has become easier to see people regularly. 

It is tough with young children if you parent outside the norm.  Especially if you have moved area and such.

There is no easy answer or solution I think.  It all takes time.  And effort.  Or at least being open and available when you are out and about.

Even now I find I don’t do enough, and feel I get guilt trippy about it, for example my dd does ballet and all the other mums sit and chat while they wait outside in the ante-room.  Instead I take my dog for a walk.  I see a couple of women who I think I would be friends with (you know how you just feel you can tell) if we had time to get to know each other.  And yet - still - I walk my dog!!!

I frustrate myself sometimes.