I did feel like this for a while. We moved areas so I left my friends behind. It took at least 2-3yrs to find local friends but to be honest there’s only really 2 people I’d class as “friends” and only one of those who I’d class as a close friend.
I still have my old school friends but they are all in my old area (about 1.5hrs away so certainly not unreachable but couldn’t pop out with). My old friends and I tend to arrange things around the children - for eg, due to half term this week I have met up with 2 friends and their children and meeting another with her children at the weekend. But it’s normally at least 3mths or more between get togethers - often more like 6 months with one of them.
I don’t meet anyone regularly. Even my 2 local friends. One of those friends used to be a mum from my children’s school so we’d have a chat every morning/afternoon but now they go to different schools so we have to make more effort. It’s still just with the children though. I don’t really see any of my friends without the children. The other friend is an old colleague from the first local job I had since moving here. I stopped going out in the evenings when we moved areas - firstly because I had no one to go with but now I’m just not interested in going. When I worked in my old workplace I went out a couple of times with work and I quite enjoyed it. Now I am at a different workplace and I avoid work nights out at all costs - they’re all big drinkers and I’m really not at all.
For the first couple of years I felt quite lonely and HUGELY missed my friends…but I think that was because I was at home with a baby and a toddler and no one to meet up with.
But now, it doesn’t bother me at all that I don’t have a social life without the children. I very rarely meet up with any friends at weekends - only on odd occasions when it’s not been possible to organise something during the week.
Do you feel you need friends because you feel you want to get out? Or do you just feel like you should have friends when really it doesn’t really bother you not going out?
How old is your DS? Can you meet other mums with similar age children at the weekend so that after a while you can suggest getting together without the children?
When I first moved here I advertised on Netmums in the Meet a Mum section and met a lovely lady who I kept in touch wtih for the first year or so of being here. Our children didn’t hugely hit it off and in the end we drifted away from each other but it was good to have a contact when we first moved.
The 2 friends I have here I met one throught work and one through my children and thats plenty for me. (I’m far too busy to have a social life!! ha ha!!)
To be honest, I text my best friend (from school who doesn’t live nearby) daily and often speak to her on the phone so she’s the one I turn to if I’m feeling lonely or needing a chat.
What about your DHs friends partners? Can you not suggest to one or two of them to meet up at the weekend? Do any have similar interests as you that you can do together?
Hugs x x x x because I know how lonely it can get sometimes when your friends aren’t around. x x x x