Hello all, I would *love* your suggestions to resolve an issue.

DS is (and always has been) active, loud and touchy feely.  He needs physical contact 24/7.  He hates sleeping, always has.  Dropped his nap about a year ago.  He does still need naps, and the rare days he does take them are much nicer, but I got sick of waging WWIII, so I gave up.

DD LOVES her naps, and would take 2 a day still, if she could.  Mornings she can, since usually he’s at school, or on weekends, DH can occupy him.  Afternoons during the week she usually can not, because I have not found a way yet to get DS to respect the concept of quiet time.  Ok, that’s not entirely true.  I was plugging him into a DVD, but that has become problematic (more in a bit).  I tried getting DS involved in the napping process, reading a story to his sister, laying still and snuggling while she nurses…nothing doing.  He wants to be in the room with us, but only if he can climb all over me. 

I tried moving him into his room to read.  This results him him singing (in his inside voice, which is the same as most kids’ outside voices), jumping around and throwing things.  He’s having a great time, but the noise is disruptive, and DD doesn’t nap.

I’ve tried getting him into an art project, but even with playdough he’s too young to be unsupervised, and the cleaning I have to do afterwards, was prohibitive to anything else.

*sigh*

I did try DVD’s.  Those works, until the movie is over and I try to turn off the TV.  That results in a huge battle, and him having a tantrum, which means screaming, very loudly (despite my trying to get him to quiet down) and DD wakes up.  Plus DH uses the TV on the weekends when he has lots of work he wants to accomplish and I need to get some of my things done, so I try to have no TV during the week.

So afternoons have devolved into one of the middle circles of hell, with him bouncing off the walls, her grumpy and overtired (read constantly crying) and me cranky and bitter at the whole situation.

Try as I might, I can not find his volume button to turn it down.  He knows how to be quiet at school but it doesn’t come home with him.  I have even stooped to putting him outside on the front porch when he’s screaming, until he quiets down, since screaming is for outside.  Now, sometimes he asks to go out there when he needs to scream (only sometimes), so I guess it’s giving him something.

Do you guys have any suggestions as to how I can ameliorate this?  I’ve thought about reinstating the DVD, and outings (walks, errands) in the afternoon, but am not excited to do that with two grumpy kids.

TIA!

does she need to nap at home? could she nap in a (comfortable) pushchair when out and about eg at a playground?

yeah with minded children I have a pushchair that lays flat, so the younger one can lay down for a nap, and I take a blanket with me to pop over the buggy so it’s darker, (plus the child isn’t distracted by what’s going on then, and does go to sleep)  Then Rye and other older minded child can play and have fun. 

I find too that the children I’ve had up to now, if indoors wake up if noise is loud, but when out and about, it doesn’t seem to bother them.. I’ve even been down to soft play and the child slept in the buggy for about an hour in spite of the shouting and screaming of the children in the centre!

I have done quiet time in the lounge, reading stories and having playdough or similar on hand for quiet activities while little ones nap; but honestly it’s too stressful.  I’d much rather just go out.  The only time it does work is in the summer, then I have have littleys in the lounge kipping while Rye and older children are out in the garden playing, I stay outdoors and supervise and just pop back in every few minutes to check on the napping kiddies (I use a travel cot or buggy so the young children cannot get into any mischief and are kept safe).

Jx

Thanks guys,  these are good ideas but we don’t have a buggy.  I carry her on my back and she does happily sleep there.  My back is getting less and less happy though (due more to nursing laying down than the wearing, but it doesn’t help).  She’s been in a buggy exactly 1 time, so it’s too novel and definitely not sleep-inducing….

They’ll both nap in the car, and I have been known to do that on desperate days, but I never feel like they really get that good of a sleep, the edge is taken off for a little while, but then the cranksters are back.

Really, I’d like to find a way to teach DS that quiet time means quiet and he needs to respect his sister.  Perhaps at 3 he’s a little young to get that concept.  I do love this cuddly and enthusiastic stage, but I am looking forward to logic and reason coming on-line.  That’s what, 18?

She’d get used to a buggy in time. None of mine really went much in a buggy til about a year, and at first, yes, it was a great novelty, but it wore off pretty quickly. And they are cheap enough secondhand, or ask around friends. When I only had one, he was mainly carried, but with the 2nd and 3rd, I had to make compromises.

Its always so hard, balancing their needs! I’m wondering also if, after being in school all morning, he wants/needs this time with you. And if he’s been at school all morning, he probably has an awful lot of pent up energy to release.

Letting her nap in a buggy does seem like a good compromise to me, tbh. She could sleep for an hour or two in the buggy and he could have that time 1-1 with you.

To be completely and utterly honest, having had three kids this age now, I don’t think you are going to succeed in teaching him that he needs to be quiet for long enough to get his sister to sleep. Sorry. Especially not when he’s been in school all morning. Just not how a 3 year old’s mind works . Seriously, they just don’t have the necessary levels of self awareness, discipline and empathy. He might give a great impression of understanding, but he just won’t have the impulse control to follow through.

It sounds like he is needing to be quiet for quite a long time to get her to sleep-ie the length of a movie, so over an hour? That is a REALLY long time for a 3 year old to be quiet. I’d be stunned if he had to be quiet for this long in school. But especially if he has just been away from you all morning.

I’ll look into the buggy options.  I know you’re right about the impulse control at this age.

I really just need him to quiet down long enough to get her to sleep.  Then, he and I can have the one on one time.  This is the plan at least!  As long as there are no temper tantrums (which is when the shrill screaming comes into play) then she can get her nap.  She only naps for about an hour at a go, so it’s not really long enough for the whole movie although since that mellows him out (until the movie is over and with it, TV time) and that fight commences. 

I’d love it if he could get quiet enough to have his own nap (HE will sleep for 3 hours, always has….once he goes down, he’s down), and it happens, but maybe once every few months or so. 

Hmmm, I wonder if I haven’t made TV the forbidden fruit….but the child would sit in front of it all day if left on his own.

How about some white noise in the room with DD once she is asleep so she is less likely to be woken by other noises? Our dehumidifier has always done a fine job of blocking out those jarring noises that disturb sleep.  Doesn’t solve the problem of getting her to sleep I know but something else to consider.

the only thing I’d add is that at 18 months, she’s probably on the cusp of dropping that second nap anyway. You might not have that much longer to go with this one. You say he needs to nap really too. Would it be possible to just bring bedtime right back for them both? Otherwise I think I’d work on getting her out of the habit of napping, it really sounds like its a big source of stress for your family right now.