I am having some issues with my mum at the minute which are really stressing me out. As a result of them I am finding I don’t really like her as a person at the minute and I am not close to her and certainly don’t want to discuss or involve her in anything. It’s really upsetting me as I always had this lovely extended family togetherness image in my head and it’s just completely impossible at the minute. My husband keeps telling me he doesn’t know why I bother and it would be less stress on me if I just didn’t involve her at all, but then I think that’s not exactly going to improve the situation is it? Sometimes I wonder if I’m overreacting and if this is normal behaviour and I’m just too sensitive.
I know some of it is old resentment and anger that I have just never managed to get past. This includes how she reacted to the news that I was pregnant “is that all you wanted to tell me…right” and then hung up, after I had my my eldest “well your a good mum to her, but people like you (mental health problems) shouldn’t have children. She also refused to be their legal guardian at one point, then had a big go at me later on when I said she wasn’t as she obviously didn’t mean what she said originally. She also wasn’t happy with our choose of guardians and has tried to forcibly change my mind.
In the present there are the little things, comment on how I keep house, decorate, dress, my weight, what I feed the girls ect. And bigger stuff such as when she couldn’t emotionally blackmail me into sending the girls to school she said she is going to report me to the LEA and made hints about Social Services too as i will be damaging the children psychologically. The schooling thing is a big issue and includes lots of sly comments at inappropriate moments.
I just feel so disrespected. She called me to ask about buying a toy for one of their birthdays, I said no I didn’t want her to have it. But she bought it anyway. She doesn’t respect our decisions with regards to anything, toys, food, sweets ect. I just feel so railroaded. There are also sly comments made about our choices and how we are strange always with the insinuation that we are in the wrong, stupid and damaging the kids. I’m sorry how can a gorgeous felted tea set damage them, apparently only in the fact it’s not a plastic tea set. She also promises the girls things and then never delivers. My eldest is still asking when she is going for the picnic with nana that she promised her she would do in a few weeks 2 years ago!
I feel like she is trying to control my life in a way. She has told me I’m not allowed any more children, as she can’t cope???? I have instructions about not telling certain people who I am in relation to her and how I should treat other people based on her views. If I won’t do what she wants she comes back saying she is so worried about whatever it is it’s stopping her sleeping and making her I’ll and it makes me feel guilty.
I guess I feel that if she wasn’t my mum, I wouldn’t really have anything to do with her. Does anyone have any ideas as to how I can broach it sensitively, without causing an argument with a hope to improving things? Or is it as my husband says a lost cause and just give up? At the minute I’m doing a lot of non committal mmmm’s and nodding or not responding to stop an argument but it has become a minefield to have any conversation. I love her because she is my mum, but I hate this situation.
I’m sorry for rambling, but it feels so good to have it all out as it has been going round and round in my head for ages getting me more and more wound up without me seeing a way out.
Thanks for reading anyway and well done if you actually managed to get to the end of it all.