Hello there,

Just wanted to see what you all think about some advice I was given today by our local health visitor. The situation is thus: DD2, nearing 11 months, feeds probably a half-dozen times a day and has yet to take terribly much interest in food, though she sits with us for each meal and sometimes toys with bits and bobs quite successfully (we’re taking the BLW approach as it worked really well with DD1, though she wasn’t a sleeper either so I’ve nothing to compare… Hang on: I’m getting ahead of myself!). She’s on the 75th centile, so not fading away (!) and a very happy baby generally, although teething is causing her the usual woes. Anyway, the thing is that we’re in the middle of renovating our house, so DH is working loooooong hours on that (lime-plastering the downstairs of our house at the moment, which means we’re living in just the kitchen and the bedrooms, accessed only through the work site, and haven’t had a sofa or anywhere decent to sit since March!) and things are a little stressful as a result, and added to that there are various stresses coming in that I am going back to (part-time) work in mid-August, DD1 is starting (very part-time) school in September, DH has reasonably severe depression and we haven’t got enough money, time or energy for all that life seems to throw at us just now. Against this backdrop, DD2, quite reasonably from her point of view, wakes probably three times a night, and has, until the last week or so, had a feed to get back to sleep. Given that she’s doing really well and is pretty chilled out, I decided to see if stopping feeding her every time would help her to sleep a little longer at a stretch; she’s not too bothered about the feeds, it seems, but isn’t really waking less. She’s in with me, partly because I just like it, and it’s easy, and partly because DD1’s room is half-full of displaced stuff from downstairs!

Anyway.

HV reckons I should be giving her vitamin drops, which I wouldn’t need if she was formula-fed apparently, and should be working towards getting her to feed only twice or so a day.

This seems counter-intuitive to me. I can’t believe that formula is superior, really (no disrespect to those choosing to formula-feed; just my point of view - it seems unlikely to me that nature would miss out something a baby needs at this point!), or that cutting back on what she’s getting calorie-wise would make her sleep better. Anyone any experience to suggest to the contrary? I can see that perhaps getting her to take a greater interest in table food might shift her towards things which take longer to digest, so am thinking about whether or not we’re ready to stop, say, the feed she normally has when she gets up from a nap, but I’m not willing to compromise our feeding relationship beyond that, I don’t think. I fed DD1 until very recently (and would still, really, if she was insistent - she was four in June), and it’s important to me to give DD2 the best start I can…

But…

I would like to get a bit more uninterrupted sleep…! I’d really hoped we’d have time and energy to try different tacks before I start working again in mid-August, but it seems like we’re going to be going full-tilt on the house stuff if we’re to finish the renovations even vaguely by that point, and it would just make life so much easier to have some semblance of a normal house by the time I’m doing that again, so we’ve always prioritised that, which means DH getting decent sleep so he can work on the house and whatnot. The result is that I’m on duty 24/7, really.

She has a settled sort of day, and I’m not daft at night - low lights, quietness, quick resettling and whatnot - I’m not one to completely ignore, avoid talking or do the controlled withdrawal sort of thing.

Could just do with some reassurance from like-minded mamas, really, and any magic tips you may have would also be most welcome. :o) Everyone I know seems to have babies who sleep all night from the age of five minutes, or they’re living in houses which aren’t buggered… Ho hum.

Oh honey - the lack of sleep is so hard.

1) don’t worry about the vitamin drops, different HVs will say different things.  We were supposed to give dd drops from the start as she was 6 weeks prem.  However, no-one told me to give ds (4weeks prem) drops at all - never ever mentioned - I know 2 weeks makes a lot of difference to prematurity, but really.  I think this is a standard recommendation for if not a lot of food is taken and they get to a certain age.  If you are worried about her health, then give her the drops, if not, don’t worry.
2) the reducing feeds to a few per day - b***ocks.  If this is what you and your dd want, then fine, if not, don’t worry, she will start wanting food sometime soonish, she’s not that old and eventually she will start reducing her feeds in her own time (in weeks, months, years, who knows, she’ll do what’s right for her).  Kids are so different that making this sort of judgement seems very odd.
3) the sleeping at night thing - the only thing that I tried to reduce this was using Dr Sears’ recommendation, that you say that daddy is asleep and that the milkies / breasts / whatever you call them are asleep as it’s night time.  We did this with dh sleeping with dd for about a week while I slept in another room, the first night she wailed for a little, then second night she wailed for a few seconds, the third and fourth night she woke up and asked and he explained again and she slept, the fifth or so night she didn’t wake - she was about 2 years at the time, I think, but still feeding several times through the night.  I know some people on here have said that ‘The no cry sleep solution’ by (I think) Pantella (sp?) was also useful for gentle ideas on this.

Good luck with this and sorry it’s so short as I can hear ds stirring upstairs.
Tanya

ok first of all you seem to have a lot going on in your life so first of you well done for getting though each day. have 2small children is a full time job in itself !
I have just been through a major house revamp and know that living in a building site is soooo hard on all the family. plus you have a husband who is also unwell. you deserve a medal or at least a cyber pat on the back and a well done. as for sleep I have 4 children who have all sleep differently, 1 who slept all night from 3 weeks old to one who didn’t sleep till she was nearly 3 , and when I say didn’t sleep she was not nocturnal she just needed less sleep than I did !! I tried every thing to get her to sleep a little longer. about a year after she started sleeping though we realised that she hates being on her own so even though she was attached to my nipple when she shut her eyes that was it she was on her own !!! any way my point is, food is fun until 1 , well in my dd cause till nearly 2 !! she was on the 75 th line in weight too. she is now nearly 5 she no longer feeds from the breast she does eat food and now does sleep. my point is find things to help you cope rather than wasting energy on trying to change your dd. she will eat and sleep when she is ready. in the mean time can you get the house to a point where it’s not finished but you can live for a year longer in it befo you do any more, just unitll baby is sleeping better. this will help you achieve with some space to help your husband who is also needing some help I suspect with his health. it’s really hard, and I promise in a few years time you will look back and think how on earth did I make it through !

Thanks for the replies - I really appreciate it. :o) I think I’m going to stick with my instincts - I don’t think that vitamins are a good idea for babies, and I can’t see that DD2 needs them, given that she’s really pretty healthy generally, and is doing fine full stop, sleep overlooked! So, while I’m pondering ways to interest her more in food, I don’t think I’m going to do that at the expense of cutting back on her feeding - it’s just too important to me, and I still believe that it’s the right thing to do.

Do wish I could get more sleep though! Predictable or what…

The book is ‘The No-Cry Sleep Solution’ by Elizabeth Pantley. I found it immensely helpful for stopping DD needing to feed to sleep in the middle of the night. She still fed to sleep at bed time, but because she wasn’t hungry she was happy with just a cuddle and then progressed to being able to settle herself. My library has it; yours may too.

Hi, just a quick one from me.  A friend told me recently that they had been told by the HV that when you’re breastfeeding your body stops releasing iron into your breast milk after about 4 months so as not to deplete your own supply.  I don’t know whether it’s true or what the evidence is for that, but it may be why she’s recommending vitamin drops and suggests that it wouldn’t be needed in formula.  I also don’t know whether taking a vitamin (pre natal) supplement or upping your iron rich food intake yourself might help?  It might be worth researching though, rather than just dismissing the comment.

I can also recommend Elizabeth Pantley’s book.

I hope things improve for you soon x

I think I’m going to have a look at that book too! I have a son same age as yours and he wakes a few times in the night, looks for boobie and goes to sleep with it. Want to start cutting this down although have no idea how, but the Dr Sears recommendation is for older children, as try explaining milkies have gone night night to an 11 month old!
My HV told me about the vitamin drops after 6 months too, and to all the breastfeeding mums in the area I know, but none of us actually gave them. I didn’t agree the breastmilk would suddenly become inadequate, and am still taking a prenatal supplement myself with iron in. I also make sure I give my son vegetarian iron-rich foods, and he is fine.