Sorry that this is a bit of a long post, but please bear with me as I need to get it all out, and writing is the best way I do it.

I have been thinking about HE for my kids for some time now, in-fact I was thinking about it before DD started school in 2006, I had thought about it since she was about a year old. I didn’t research it or look into it and just went with standard mainstream primary education at school. However, very recently, I started looking into it. In-fact I’ve spent the last two days on the net getting the lowdown on my legal rights and responsibilities etc.

HE really fits in with my spiritual beliefs and philosophy on life. I want nothing more than the best for my family in all aspects of life.

I have been to the following sites and registered with a few Netmums, educationsene, THEN UK, Home-education.org, South Yorkshire Home Education Communication and the BBC.

I now feel that I am well supplied with the facts and figures. Now what I need is personal experience, insight, input from those who are already there and doing it.

DH is ok with the idea of either HE or mainstream. But having recently mentioned it to other members of the family, (my mum), I got shot down in a blaze of negativity that I was not expecting from her. She usually gives me lots of support in what I do re the kids. She has always been a strong anchor for me and a great influence in my life. Her support and encouragement has been so beneficial to me through my life, especially through the tough days at school when I was bullied and wished I didn’t have to go.
  Her main argument against HE is the social side of things, making friends and interacting with other kids, the isolation she will experience. This is also a concern for me, but one that I think I have the answers to.

Some background info:
My daughter is in mainstream primary Y2, 7 years old.

My son is 4, has an ASD, and is currently attending an intervention nursery which finishes for him at Feb half term. I have until Jan 30th to register him at school if that’s the way I want to go.

I am also expecting baby flump in the next couple of weeks.

I feel very strongly about giving my kids the best education.

It won’t be hard to keep DS at home as he’s not at school yet anyway, and although he is 4, his learning abilities and his mental state are that of a child closer to 2. The ASD needs may be a challenge but I feel confident we can accomplish the necessary criteria for his needs.

My main concern is for my daughter.
  Before she started school she was bright and bubbly, a good natured child full of life and fun. She was a joy to be around. She was also bright in her learning, a level about a year ahead of her age.
  I really thought she’d do well at school. She started nursery at 4 and was there 7 months and we had no problem.
  We looked forward to reception starting. When it did she started to change, gradually at first but with ever increasing speed, her personality and her behavior. By the summer we could tell a difference, yet when the summer hols came she was back to her old self.

Y1 started and her behavior became unbearable, both at home and at school. She also started having difficulty with attention and concentration. She also started having difficulty with her general learning and couldn’t grasp things. Her handwriting, reading, spelling and numeracy have hit rock bottom. Her behavior at home has gone down hill. She has become aggressive, angry, and a little violent. Her attitude really stinks and she has become more like a grumpy, angry teenager. Everything is “not fair”, “no one loves me”, etc.
  This behavior has continued into Y2.

She also suffers terribly with her health. She suffers with life threatening anaphylaxis which has weakened her immune system. Therefore she picks up viruses and infections quickly; they stay with her for longer than average and are more severe than normal.
  As a result she has a lot of time off school. So much time the school has involved the welfare office because her attendance is poor; 80.9% last half term. Apparently, regular attendance at school is vital, like I don’t know this!
  I have been more than reasonable in my efforts to help the school and WO understand her health problems; I have even given them permission to contact the GP, and all the hospital departments, to access her medical files as proof of her being poorly when she is. I always take her to the Dr’s when she’s ill, even if they say it’s a virus now go away. At least it’s there on her file!

I do sometimes get my little chicken back, when we spend time crafting or out walking in the local nature reserve.

I feel that if I started HE it would help with more than just improving her education. I have sat her down and explained it to her and asked if she would want to do it and she says she would.

I would love to take her out of school now and start straight away with HE, but with flump due to make an appearance soon I’m not sure if now is the right time, yet every fiber within me is saying do it.
  She is very unhappy, but we haven’t yet managed to establish what’s going on. She comes home from school and tells me that “so and so” wouldn’t let her play with them at play time, and “so and so” was horrible to her. There’s some sort of bullying going on but the school assures me that all is well.

I am at the stage where I really want to HE but I’m I wanting it for the right reasons, could a change of schools be all she needs?

A very confused Clazbear xx

I class myself a HE (pardon the pun) although the little ‘un is actually only 2.

The socialisation thing gets my goat, it really does.  Why on earth do folks insist perpetuating and buying into the myth that schools are the only place children can possibly learn to be social????  They learn it before they EVER go to school; all they learn there (IMO) is how to socialise IN school.  With any luck there will be other HE kids near by, groups that you can join; activities your daughter can do from Brownies to swimming classes and so forth.  There is even a large HE camp each year; I’ve forgotten who runs it, I think its part of Education Otherwise. 

I personally feel there is no cause for “right reasons” when choosing to HE; it’s simply a choice.  It either provides what you’re looking for in terms of educating your child or it doesn’t - nor is it a fixed choice; should you decide to go that route and then at later dates it’s not working out, or your daughter wants to go back to school, then there’s nothing stopping you from re-enrolling her.  My stance comes from the irritation that there’s this onus on us to justify why we HE and ok yes quite a lot fo HE families will say they choose HE because of bullying, or their own experiences of school as a child, or fears over the mainstream education and so forth - but at the same time I think we need to have the confidence to simply say “because its what we decided”. 

There again how I raise the little ‘un is totally up to me and I have no in laws or parents of my own sticking their noses in and passing judgement; so perhaps it’s easier for me?  Although I confess when I first said i wanted to HE I did feel the need to justify a little in some quarters - but no longer, regardless of approval or not.

Joxy.

Is it worth talking to your dd’s school and asking if she could just attend for half days until you are ready (and baby is settled into home etc) and then give HE a trial for a term?  I know, just from what I’ve read of others’ experiences on hear, that some schools would be really shocked at the suggestion of HE because it’s not something they are used to, but others schools are much more helpful and ammenable to suggestion. (I work at a secondary school - we have quite a few kids on and off roll who are HE part or full time or who’ve just come for GCSEs or A levels.)

I would say ‘do it!’, with flump due it is exactly the right time. Your daughter will need time to ‘deschool’ and she can do that while helping you with the little one and learning a great deal about real-life and how it works when you have a newborn.
Your experience of your daughter changing while at school and then you ‘get her back’ in the holidays when they are long enough is one I have heard time and time again and then, when people take the plunge into HE, their child ‘comes back’ permanently.
Obviously you will need to look into things more carefully to meet the needs of your son - maybe join the Education Otherwise Special Needs yahoo list? You are certainly not the only person to HE with an ASD child, I know of 2 personally myself although they are both teenagers now.
The socialising thing is a real non-issue. As I’ve said in another recent post socialising and socialisation are 2 different things. Being socialised to the culture you born into happens automatically and is much easier when you’re not locked away in an institution away from that culture for most of your waking hours. Socialising is really no problem when you’;re HE - we could see people every day of the week if we chose. The only problem I have is juggling our social life so that it doesn’t get too much. We’ve actively had to cut back on it! I’m not sure whereabouts in the country you are, but many places have an active network, and it’s not just other HE kids you would see - you’ll still be able to see school friends, after school or in the holidays or at the weekends, there’ll be groups and clubs like brownies, gymnastics or whatever your daughter is interested in. And remember, friends don;t ahve to be other children of her age - friends can also be adults, people you get to know in your community, your friends…
It might be worth joining some HE yahoo lists such as HE-UK to get a feel for how other people do it and to ask more questions and to see how many other HE people there are in your locality.
If you want to chat further, please feel free to pm me.

First up, dont worry about what anyone else thinks if you decide to HE. At the end of the day, YOU have to choose what’s right for your family, regardles of anyone elses opinions. When we first suggested to my MIL, before DS was even born, that we were thinking of HE, she blew her top and was adamant we’d be making the wrong decision and he wouldn’t get a proper education. Now DS is nearly 2 and, like Joxy we already consider ourselves as HE simply because we’re getting involved in our son’s life and helping him learn and it’s a path I’d like to continue.
It sounds like it would be hard work initially with flump due, but there’s nothing to say that you have to take your dd out of school and push her straight into formal lesson plans at home. Like Julysea has said, she can learn a lot of useful things simply from watching and helping you care for flump in the few weeks it takes you all to get settled

Hi Clazbear

I work in education and come across families that HE successfully and others that take they children out of school on a whim and never really HE and it destroys the child. My little one is not born yet, but I strongly believe that you go with your gut feeling of what is right for your children and your family. If you have visited DD school and not got far with the teachers regarding the bullying, to me this is a bad sign. Parental concerns/complaints need to be investigated. But some schools do not like to admit that bullying happens in their school, very sad.

Being at home with you and newborn, could do her the world of good, taking on the responsibility of the big sister and maybe helping her get her confidence back. As everyone has said, no formal lesson plans for a few weeks might be just what she needs. When Flump has settled in for a few weeks and you feel ready, then you can look at what direction learning in family feels the right way to go.

All the best what ever you decide.

Simone n bump xx

Hello, we have five children and none of them has gone to school.  Reading your post, it sounds like you are really keen about the idea of home educating, but that the one thing that is making you doubt yourself is your mum’s reaction.  Would you agree with that?  I think my major advice is that home educating is all about your choices and doing what you think is right for your child at any one time and being flexible to change.  Meeting people (family members or otherwise) who oppose this idea is part and parcel of home educating I’m afraid.  I’m sure your mum means well, but she has no idea what home educating entails and she may worry about how it will work when her only knowledge of education is through school.  She may also feel anxious about telling her friends that her grand children are home educated and thus have to fend off comments and questions that she might not feel confident enough to answer. 

The bottom line is that you have lots of very good reasons to feel anxious about your children’s’ education and you have thought very hard and carefully about this and so your thoughts, worries and ultimately your decision should be respected.  Maybe your mum needs to learn a bit more about it, she might think it’s all about sitting at home all day in front of a desk (amazingly, a lot of people do think this!!)  Try and get her on your side, but ultimately, you must do what YOU think is right and who knows, she may come to change her mind when she sees how it goes.

Also, if you do decide to home educate, it doesn’t have to be forever.  You know what school is like and if you want to give home education a go and it doesn’t work out, you can always go back to school and then at least you will have given it a chance. 

Trust me, I am a huge wimp and it is unnerving when people question my choices regarding home education, but I have grown quite a tough skin and if people see you are happy and your children are happy, it’s very, very hard for them to criticise with any conviction. 

One last thing, HEAS and EO both offer lists of home educators in your area if you join them (you don’t have to be a home educator to join either group by the way).  There might be groups in your area too for you to meet home educators before you make any major decisions and for your children to meet a few other children too.  Very best of luck in your choices. 

Hi ,
I also He my two boys and made the drastic change atfter the last school hols.
From reading your post I would say that the concerns that you have for your daughter are exactly the kind of concrens that could be massively alieviated by home edding.
My dhs family were not at all keen on the idea when Ihad previously discussed it, but know they are fine with it, and remember it is your choice not your parents.
They will be happy enough when you show them how much happier she is.
It is a huge change but it bringsso much peace of mind just knowing that your children are happier, and there is so much delight to be had in constructing a whole new way of life and a whole new way of learning.
As for social, you will find there are plenty of opportunities with after school clubs, home ed meeting groups, and existing school friends, etc.
I strongly feel that any child who is unhappy at school would greatly benefit from the home education experience.
I have watched my two boys relax, open up, become more themselves, and pick up where they left off before they started school.
Taking the plunge is the difficult part, it all gets easier once you have made the desicion.
Good luck.
Radha.

Hi CB.  Hope you are able to resolve this soon - especially before the babe’s arrival.  Obviously the others have given very wise answers, and would agree that you probably know already what you want to do.  I was struck by your comments about your Mother’s reaction.  Could she be feeling a bit judged or criticised by your decision to take your dd out of school?  You mention that you were badly bullied at school, and how your mother helped you when you didn’t want to go.  Maybe she feels guilty that she didn’t do this for you and this i how she is protecting herself iyswim.  I know this is terribly presumptious of me to say this, but it was just a feeling i got when i read your story  
Yo seem to have a great relationship with her, so I am sure you will sort it out. xx

Hi guys, thank you all for your replies and your input, it very much appreciated.

Bit of another long waffle coming up but…..I’m replying to bits of everyone’s posts.

I think my mum is really worried about DD & DS becoming “socially isolated”, and me becoming more isolated than I am. Which I don’t think is possible. That doesn’t concern me at all.

We live in an area that has few amenities or facilities, unlike where I lived as a child. Public transport here is terrible and we don’t have a car. But we are not here permanently and are going to be on the move within this year.

I admit I don’t get out much these day’s, I don’t go out with friends, etc. I don’t have loads of mates. Most of the people I do know are on the other end of a computer, which is something my mum, doesn’t quite understand. Most of my human contact is with my family, and always has been. But when mum & dad got married and had kids they lost contact with all their friends and had to make new ones! Which they didn’t, it was just them, us and the close extended family. They didn’t start making new friends until I was in my teens.

I wasn’t very social at school, simply because there was no one there that I could relate to. I got on much better with the more mature person. I didn’t find people my own age to be very stimulating. As 7 year olds they were all into “Barbie” and “My Little Pony”. I wasn’t, I loved crafting with my mum and going to museums and galleries. Just like DD and me now. As we got older they were all into boy bands, hanging on street corners, chatting up boys and that sort of thing. I liked new age relaxation music, meditating by the garden pond and going walking in the countryside. Thus I didn’t have many friends. As I got older those friends I did have drifted away, as they do. Plus I was bullied.

I didn’t start “socialising” until I was about 22, when I started a new job and met some new people. I started dating one of them and met his friends, all 3 of them and their girlfriends. I lost contact with the people I worked with because the place had a high staff turnover and they all left. Just like every job mum has had. We have loads of acquaintances in our lives, but very few true friends. Just like mum & dad.

I married the guy I was dating. We had DD. We still saw (and see) his best friend and the girl he was with, (now his wife and mother of their DD). In fact they are “uncle & aunty” to our kids, we are that close. We still see the other friends because they are siblings and cousins to his best friend and we all live near each other(ish).

I haven’t made friends with the mums up at school. Sure, we talk in the yard, but we don’t socialise with them beyond that. Very few of them do. Mum didn’t when we were at school either!

I don’t see how me being at home to teach my kids is going to isolate me any further! The only thing I won’t get to do is walk the 20 mins up the hill to the school and then back again. I really don’t mind giving that up

Exercise? That’s not exercise, its torture   I do Yoga and DD does it with me. We have a very good nature reserve on our doorstep which we take lots of advantage of, unlike the massive woodland where I used to live as a child that we rarely visited. Exercise and the outdoors is not an issue.

As for DD & DS; why should my kids have to be friends with other kids their own age? So many times DD comes home, and when I ask her about her day, the first thing she says is so-and-so wouldn’t let me play with them at playtime! Or so-and-so was nasty to me today. Who wants to socialise with people who don’t want you to join in with them!

I also think my mum is concerned that I won’t cope with trying to “school” DD, look after DS who has an ASD and is a handful, and cope with the demands of a new baby.

This is the only concern DH has; I can fully understand that, I’m concerned about it too. Who wouldn’t be? He said it’s ok while he is working from home, he will be able to help and support me, but it won’t be long until he has to go back to going out to work. How will I cope then? I told him as long as I had his support and help when available there won’t be a problem. As long as he cuddles me after a bad day and doesn’t say “I told you so”

I showed him all the facts and figures. I let him read all your replies and other HE threads, and that of the people on HE-SP chat site.

I reminded him of: 1) all the times he’s said “what are they teaching them at that school?” 2) The fact it was him that taught DD her alphabet and how to read! 3) The fact he is the one who has really brought DS along recently with his speech, communication, counting, alphabet and Makaton signing. 4) How different the two approaches have had to be for each child’s abilities, and how he has achieved this. And 5) it is him and me that has achieved this, us, not the schools!

The result? We have written and printed out our letter for DD’s de-registration from school. We are going to HE our kids.

We are going to take flumps arrival as our de-schooling period, giving each child time to adjust and get into a routine.

We are all looking forward to it. DD can’t wait.

A now happy, relaxed and not confused Clazbear

Hi Clazbear

I am so glad that you have reached a conclusion that you are happy with

I personally couldn’t cope with that lack of social interaction, but everyone’s different.  When I was in a similar situation I got quite severely depressed, but then computers weren’t around then (how old do I feel LOL).  In fact, I am already making contact with HE groups in this area!

We’ll be doing it at the same time, so look forward to hearing how you are doing

B
xx

Hi again Clazbear.  I’m so glad you’ve made a decision that you are happy with.  Your mum will come round I’m sure when she sees how it all works and when she’s reassured that you are not isolated or taking on too much etc.  I guess you will always be her baby and she worries about you too, which is quite touching.   

As for friends, I think it’s really hard for women to keep friends throughout our life.  We change so much along the way and I think if you are open and chatty, people will be drawn to you and it does get easier as the children get older.  I have two very close friends but I don’t meet up with either of them very often because we all have little children and busy lives, but as you said, the computer is brilliant and when we DO get to meet up, it’s just lovely.  Only one of my friends was at school with me, the others were found in the most unlikely circumstances and we obviously just ‘clicked’! 

Enjoy the de-schooling time and expect to be flexible in the way you choose to educate your family, that’s the beauty of HE, you just find the right way that fits in with your life.  Good for you!! 

I’m glad you’re feeling much less confused now and have made a decision. I hope the deschooling and new routine goes well. It sounds a bit like your DD would develop more social problems being in school that out of it tbh, and your background sounds a lot like mine and the reasons we’re thinking of home schooling. I’m sure your mum will come around to the idea once you’ve got into a routine a bit and it’s good to hear your DH being supportive too!

Congratulations on making your descision, The description of your social life could be about me. I have found it just as challenging and stimulating meeting other home ed families, and we at least have more in common with each other than the families at the school gate. I felt that I never really saw eye to eye with alot of them , and the comments about ” thank goodness the holidays were over ” etc.
It sounds like you are happy with your choice, let us now how it goes.
Best wishes, Radha.