Lots of very competitive games and children crying because they were out, appealing to parents to let them carry on playing and to judge who won, who was the best. And there is Jenna, visibly disappointed but quietly swallowing it down and smiling as she watched the rest of the game. She doesn’t know I’m watching, and seems to judge that there’s no point throwing a tantrum, and (I privately hope) she believes in justice and that she won’t miss out by playing by the rules. The other children really FIGHT for the last seat in musical chairs. Jenna sees she won’t get there in time and steps back, grinning and patting on the back of the child who does get there first.
A minute later she wins something and is pretty pleased. She spots me and shouts, “I did it!” But she seems surprised by the prize and puts it down somewhere to be forgotten about (still hasn’t been mentioned and I’m fairly sure we left it behind when we came home).
They are mostly five year old girls and are all at school together. Jenna is the odd one out, and often the brunt of the cliques and bitchiness, “you’re not invited to play with us” on the soft play equipment and a moment later “you’re too little to play our game, you’re only FOUR”. She pulls a face that I take to mean, “whatever you say girls”, and shouts out “race you to the end” and somehow they all follow anyway. She is so confident (um, bossy lol) that she simply can’t accept the exclusion and is back leading the play even though she’s the youngest and hardly knows most of them.
This isn’t really meant to be a brag post on the character of my eldest (though I’m always so delighted to see how well she copes with these difficult situations, she’s far more creative than I am at conflict resolution!). Nor am I trying to imply that all schooled children cope a certain way, or that homeschooling makes for automatically confident children who are less bothered by peer pressure and stressful competition. BUT Jenna is supposed to have a disadvantage by not being at school with them! As I was told by two different parents yesterday! And I just thought… They can’t be watching the same group of children!
So today, I’m thinking that even though Jenna might, in a group of homeschooled children, have exactly the same situation replayed on another occasion… Surely SURELY not having to deal with it every single day isn’t a disadvantage but positively a pleasure of our unschooled life? She isn’t forced into this kind of situation every day!
What a lovely, well meaning daughter you have! You should boast about her, I would!! She seems to have a wonderful nature about her.
You’ve just given me another ‘plus’ on my internal argument on whether to home-ed DS
xx
my daughter does go to school but I sooo wished she didn’t. What you described I see happening all the time. I hate it, but she is nine and I have spoke to her and she wants to continue in school. I’m an education student and was hoping to go into teacher in a few years but truly the more I learn about state education the more I dislike it. I had to write a essay last year on a controversial subject relating to education I chose HE, and was surprised by the amount of strong emotions it raised both good and mainly bad. The first question was always ‘well how do they learn to socialise? to which I replied HE families do not keep their children locked up, they are socialising every day in all sorts of natural situations not unnatural ones when they are told, when to sit, when they can and can’t go to the toilet, when they must play and when they must learn and so on. Needless to say I was branded to ‘hippy’ of the class.
I think that HE children are FAR from disadvantaged.. I think that they are very very lucky. Maybe I need to have another chat with my daughter hmmmm!!!!
Its one of the reasons that swung it for me to do the childminding.
However, watching Rye yesterday as he played with a friend’s eight year old child, I know I don’t really have to worry. In fact he’s already socialised, he plays happily with older or younger children. I really don’t think have kiddies the same age is necessary - and probably more beneficial to have children of different ages mixing and playing with each other - it teachers the older ones responsibility - and from what I’ve observed most enjoy showing the littles how to play games etc.
My friend’s 8yr old; he’s a bit of ahandful, a full of life and energy lad; yet he played beautifully with Rye and had a grand time himself - he also recognised that Rye coming down his stomach on the slide at the pub probably wasn’t the best idea so he held Rye’s feet to stop him going too fast. He did that with no caution from any of the adults. I was very impressed.
His older sister (13yrs) couldn’t resist the charms of a toddler either and despite her claims she doens’t like babies she engaged with him too Admittedly, for her endeavours she did get snotted; but hey that’s all part of the fun - right? lol. (they were headbanging to us doing that singstar thingy and well, snot flew and landed lmao)
My children are like this too, they aren’t bothered about winning or competitiveness - but then, neither am I. Whenever I see over competitive children I just think eugh, but then tbh I have seen it just as much at HE groups I have visited as I did at school. I think it’s a personality thing that might be excaserbated (sp?) by being in a school environment but def. can be present whatever the education!
Busybee, my children also opted to stay at school but I think it was because they couldn’t really ‘get’ what HE was and so opted for what they knew. We took them out about 2 monthsish ago and they absolutely LOVE it and would never choose to go back now.
I would say go for it if you think it might be for you!
I was talking to my mum this afternoon, and she said that perhaps the reason so many parents consider it a “benefit of schooling” for a peer group to be forced together for long regular periods is that our culture actually doesn’t value creative conflict resolution and CERTAINLY doesn’t value the principle of chosing to step back from a competitive situation. The ways in which a large group of peers makes situations more difficult is seen as a good thing, especially in that children can’t easily choose to opt out of conflict.
In our world, children “ought” to be *made* to spend time in these conflict situations because they are expected to WIN, not to step away and find other things to do with themselves or to choose to spend time with different people for a while or to creatively engage in a different game/activity… Mum’s a teacher btw. And says that if anyone doesn’t see the classroom as a competitive conflict situation they haven’t spent any time in a real school recently.
I’ve found already that although children are always going to find some conflict and aren’t always going to play in ways that we see as nice, there are huge benefits to those children NOT being a peer group and not being compulsary!
I agree with you Sarah, homeschooling in the majority of cases I have seen makes for very confident children, with high self esteem. I was in school until I was 13 then my Mum took me out and homeschooled me until I finished the equivalents of my GCSE’S. As well as improving in all my subjects, I became extremely confident of myself as opposed to before where I was very shy, didn’t make eye contact and could hardly speak up in public. But I’m not big headed either!
what a great story, Sarah! I would be very proud indeed!!
And WTF???? Starting school at just over 4? Is this full time? Why on earth would anyone even consider that? (Sorry, just perplexed by the UK system sometimes!)
That’s when full time childcare is free in this country, and for some reason that seems to be equated to “necessary” in many folks mindset. Have you seen any of the leaflets? It’s all, “give your child the best start” and getting them prepared for school etc… Starting sooner is seen as getting them ahead.
honestly, I probably saw them and ignored them! I would have if the phrase “getting ahead” was anywhere near it. Blech! We’ll happily stay behind, thanks!
Personally I think it is better for children to mix with all different ages rather than just children of their own age. This is just based on instinct after seeing Leo mix with different ages. With those the same age they tend to ‘chat’ together and think up little plans of ways to get into mischief and they like being silly together! With older children Leo looks up to them and loves to copy everything they do - he thinks they’re a lot of fun. With younger ones his nurturing side comes out and he kisses and strokes ‘baby’ and wants to cuddle them!
Personally I think it is better for children to mix with all different ages rather than just children of their own age. This is just based on instinct after seeing Leo mix with different ages. With those the same age they tend to ‘chat’ together and think up little plans of ways to get into mischief and they like being silly together! With older children Leo looks up to them and loves to copy everything they do - he thinks they’re a lot of fun. With younger ones his nurturing side comes out and he kisses and strokes ‘baby’ and wants to cuddle them!
Charlotte x
I definatly agree with this, my little sisters are one and 2 and half. The oldest mixes with a lot of children of different ages and adults too, I think, (as well as being biased) her social skills are fab. She can have a conversation with me about what she did that day, cuddle my little one and stroke her, then play with our youngest sister and talk to her so she understands.
It’s all, “give your child the best start” and getting them prepared for school etc… Starting sooner is seen as getting them ahead.
They have adverts on the TV at the moment for a new series aimed at tinies, getting the ready for nursery. It’s hideous - the trailer talks about how you will “learn to share” and “have lots of fun”.
Personally, I hope Grace will learn to shareby seeing us doing it - she was facinated by us sharing the wine, with
everyone filling each other’s cups yesterday at Passover, and I can’t for the life of me see why she needs to go to nursery to have lots of fun!
I worked in a nursery briefly - as far as I can see, learning to share in a nursery environment means learning to shout the loudest so that someone comes over and tells the other child to “share” the toy with you. That’s not sharing anyway - it’s taking turns. That’s fine - I’m all for taking turns, but sharing is dividing something up so that everyone gets some. In our house, with a very dyspraxic husband, terms have to be precise! Sharing is sharing, taking turns is taking turns - I’m not having a nursery mess it up for us!
