WAYS TO RAISE HAPPY CHILDREN
The capacity for happiness is one of the greatest gifts a child can receive from a parent. Here's how to give your kids self-esteem and lasting contentment.
1. Have unstructured fun. Resist the temptation to cram your children’s schedule with too many activities. All kids need a chance to decompress, take a break from lessons, and simply play freely, letting their imagination guide them. Unhurried time watch a spider spin its web or make patterns on the window enhances your child's sense of wonder and lets him explore the world at his own pace.
Why not slow down your own hectic schedule, too, and join your child in the pursuit of fun?
2. Teach her to care. In order to be happy, a child needs to feel that she is a valuable member of a larger community and can touch people's lives in a meaningful way. Help instil this feeling by giving her plenty of opportunities to reach out to others. Collect some old toys that she no longer wants, and give them to a shelter for homeless families. Get involved in your local community together, whether it be planting trees or maintaining the park, picking up shopping for an elderly neighbour or simply supervising football games in the street, encourage your child to feel part of a greater whole.
3. Get physical. Take bike rides together or enjoy ball games in the park. You'll not only increase your child's strength and stamina but also give him reasons to smile. Keeping active helps ease stress and lets kids blow off steam in a healthy way. Fit kids also have a more positive body image; they take pride in what they can do rather than obsess about what they look like. And if you encourage your child in an activity he likes, you'll have given him one more way to have fun.
4. Laugh it up. Tell jokes, sing silly songs, and poke fun at yourself. Laughter is good for your child -- and for you. One reason is purely physical: When you laugh, you release tension and take in more oxygen, which sends spirits soaring.
5. Be creative with praise. Don't just say, "Well done" whenever your child makes progress toward a goal or masters a skill. Be specific; point out the details that you find impressive. Saying, "I like the way you've drawn those trees" is far more meaningful than a rote pat on the back.
Similarly, don't overdo the reward system. Instead, let your child discover the satisfaction inherent in accomplishing something.
6. Make sure she eats right. If your child is cranky or fussy (but clearly not sick), she may be hungry. If it's not yet mealtime, make her a snack. But find something nutritious: Eating well minimizes mood swings and contributes to a general sense of well-being. Good snack choices include yoghurt, fresh or dried fruit, or hummus and colourful sliced vegetables.
7. Bring out the artist in him. You've doubtless heard the theory that listening to classical music boosts your child's brain power. But exposure to music, dance, or any of the arts also enriches a child's inner life and sense of self-worth.
8. Smile. Flashing a big grin to your child reassures him as nothing else can. It's a shorthand way of saying, "I love you." While you're at it, throw in a hug. The late teacher and writer Virginia Satir used to say a person needs 4 hugs a day for survival, 8 for maintenance, and 16 for growth. And remember, all that smiling and hugging is as good for you as it is for your child.
9. Listen up. Nothing makes your child feel as important as having your undivided attention. It tells her that what's on her mind matters to you. Want to be a better listener? Don't lend just half an ear. If your child speaks to you while you're in the middle of paying bills or doing chores, stop and shift your focus to him. Whatever you do, don't interrupt, finish his sentences, or rush him through his thoughts -- even if you've heard it all before. Golden opportunity for undistracted listening: while you're putting her to bed at night.
10. Give up on perfection. We all want our kids to do their best. But whenever we step in to "fix" or "tidy up" an imperfect job, we inadvertently undermine their confidence. "If we redust the spot she missed or rewipe the kitchen counter, we're telling our child that what she did wasn't good enough," says Karin Ireland, a mother and author of Boost Your Child's Self-Esteem. "Unfortunately, kids can begin to believe that they're not good enough."
The next time you're tempted to correct your child's work, ask yourself: 1) Is there a health or safety issue involved? and 2) Will this matter ten years from now? If the answers are no, then let it go. Helping your child acquire life skills is a big part of parenting, but it's only one part. The emotional connection between the two of you is more important than whether she puts the fork in the right place when she sets the table.
11. Teach him to solve problems. From tying his shoelaces to crossing the street safely, each skill your child masters is another step toward independence. Indeed, just knowing that problems can be tackled (and solved) helps your child feel good about himself. When he hits a snag -- whether it's teasing from a playmate or a puzzle that he can't put together -- you can help him by following these steps:
1) Identify the problem;
2) have him describe the solution she wants;
3) figure out what steps will lead to that solution;
4) decide whether he can take the steps on her own or needs help;
5) if he does need help, make sure he gets it.
12. Give him a chance to shine. Every child has a special talent or skill; why not let him show it off a bit? Does he love books? Have him read to you while you cook. Is she good with numbers? Let her hunt out the best buys when you go shopping. "When you share your child's enthusiasm and show that you're impressed with his gifts," Karin Ireland says, "you turn up his self-esteem another notch."
Parenting
As parents we all want our children to be happy, but nurturing that innate joy in the world (think of a newborn blinking their eyes in wonder) takes time and patience in a society that is constantly changing and often difficult. If media reports are anything to go by, each generation is growing up more beleaguered by stress than the last.
It goes without saying that happy children become happy adults, so taking the time to help our children really love their lives is something that will never leave them. From the very start, it is important to form a bond with our children that is loving, nurturing, joyous and exciting. Our kids have so much to teach us, if we create for them an environment which is both stimulating and safe.
From a young age, children respond positively to a sense of family, in whatever form that may take. Involving your children in all aspects of family life, encouraging them to voice their opinions at the dinner table, and letting them know what your planning or how you are feeling, engenders a mutual respect and awareness. The family becomes a team, and each member is valued – working in this way enables a child to acknowledge the necessity to tidy up before dinner or to help out in the garden.
It is a shame that modern society has played a part in the disintegration of the extended family, for there is a lot to be said for the support of grandparents, aunts and uncles in children’s lives. If this is not practical or possible, involving as many of your friends as possible in both your lives will enrich them, and teach your children about different approaches. Eventually it provides children with a network of people that they can turn to for ideas, advice and even time apart from you, allowing them an important developing sense of independence.
Children desire guidance and direction and actually need to feel the security of family boundaries and even, adult authority from time to time. Setting these boundaries for your children instils in them a respect for your wisdom and a trust in your ability to shepherd them through childhood with their best interests at heart. This also helps to teach our children about our own beliefs and values, sharing our deepest selves with them. Parents often worry about striking the right balance between ‘authority’ and ‘freedom’. It is about setting limits without being angry or cruel and never using threats or punishment to ‘control’ your children, so creating a balanced calm home environment is vital.
Something that benefits all our lives (not just our children’s) is learning to be an attentive listener. When you’re dashing about making seemingly endless sandwiches, loading the washing machine with your foot and juggling babies and dirty nappies, it is all too easy to dismiss a child’s concern with a simple ‘don’t worry darling, I’m sure it’ll all work out fine.’ Children need to know that you take their fears and concerns seriously so make time to problem-solve together. If you can’t fit it in mid sandwich/nappy/wash-load, schedule a slot in the evening when you can curl up together and put the world to rights. If you haven’t got the time or energy to do this every night, even just once a week will make a difference. Taking time out to listen to your children empowers them with the tools to work things out for themselves and to solve problems independently. Then when your children find themselves in a situation when you’re not there, they will be secure enough to cope with it alone, knowing you will be there to listen, later on.
Making time for each of your kids individually helps with the whole teamwork issue, and one-on-one time forms and strengthens personal bonds that last for life. You discover new things about each other and also hopefully shared interest between the two of you. When you’ve got a new baby the older kids often seem to be fending for themselves quite successfully, but the rewards of taking older children and teenagers out (to see a band or go for a pizza/coffee) are hundredfold: you get each other all to yourselves to really enjoy each other’s company and your child feels valued and respected. If can be all too easy for us to ignore the kids when they are quiet and seem to be amusing themselves, only to erupt when something goes wrong. This sends out the wrong messages to children, that they are most likely to get our attention when they cause mischief. In giving our whole attention to children during the quiet happy times we are letting them know that we are interested in them.
Part of being a good listener is taking the time to explain things to your kids, because fobbing them off with a rushed; guesswork answer will leave them confused and mistrustful of your knowledge. If it is a question you don’t know the answer to or don’t want to answer right now, say so. Then set a time to go off on a voyage of discovery together, an adventure that might take you to the library or onto the internet. One of the most amazing trips we take in life is the never-ending voyage of education, which can be eye opening and exhilarating for your both.
Harbouring love and respect for the earth and nature not only creates a new generation of earth friendly people but also provides our kids with a sanctuary that they can retreat to throughout their lives. Forestry Commission figures estimate that 30% of the population never visit woods despite the fact that trees and the outside world are proven to reduce stress. Learning about the planet and about the cycle of life in turn teaches children to respect and nurture themselves, as it leads to an understanding of how things work. To treat oneself well, with as much care and love as we give to others must be one of the most vital gifts we can give our children.
In the present social climate with obesity rates climbing alarmingly and depression and stress related illnesses so prevalent in today’s youth, it is more and more important for kids to have a sound basis of trust and respect for themselves. Gentle strengthening exercise like yoga and the calming and relaxing practise of meditation can play a big part in helping children to achieve this state of balance. Connecting with your kids through touch: baby massage, reflexology, cuddles allows them to feel safe and cared-for.
Celebrating all that you have together is one way to show your kids what they mean to you. Celebrations enrich our lives and allow us o express ourselves. Getting creative together in preparation: decorating the house with colourful streamers, baking a cake, making crowns etc, and then having a dance and a feast as a family makes everyone feel sparkly. It can be a way of showing your kids how proud you are of them or simply a good excuse to have fun together.
Most of all, remember that our children are our greatest teachers in finding happiness in seemingly small things, if anyone knows the secret of happy children, it’s the kids themselves.
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