By The Green Parent
23rd October 2018
I use many approaches with my children, especially as I see them as individuals with different needs and emotional idiosyncrasies. This in itself with four small children can be a bit of a tightrope to balance on, trying to get each one to stop and listen to each other can be a bit of a challenge but in the end, tends to play out in a rather reasonable way with a resolution at the end.
But how can we do this without jumping in and taking charge of the situation, which takes the resolution out of their hands? For me personally I like to sit back and firstly listen to what is happening without getting involved and have a bit of an idea as to what is going on. Luckily things are generally sorted out between them and nothing more needs to happen but as things start to get heated I take a deep breath (calmness in the parent has to be the first step before the process starts) and walk out and ask the opposing parties to join me on the ground so we can have a chat about what’s happening.
As a natural parent, I try to encourage each person, in turn, to discuss what has just happened and how it made him or her feel. Remembering that each child has feelings wrapped up in this and that they both need the validation of this. The process is really simple and they realize quickly that both are hurting but in a different way and the problem becomes resolved quickly and simply.
Doing the parenting this way also creates stability in your own emotional life. Children do test our patience and when situations become tense it can leave us feeling exhausted, guilty and just plain stressed. Lets face it, yelling really hurts the throat raises the cortisol in our bodies (stress hormone) and ends up turning our wonderful hair grey. Which in turn is not healthy for the other members of the family, as who wants to be around an uptight person all the time. A saying I go by is, “stressed out parents create stressed-out children”.
Natural parenting doesn’t always go to plan but we are always able to make a bad situation better and in these situations each child learns to talk it out and respect the others point of view. This helps to keep tempers from fraying and ends up producing good communicators for the future generations to come. People that listen and respect what others feel and say rather than burying themselves in the universe of one (themselves), help to teach future generations, a major need in today’s society. To use a phrase from a friend, “ It is the change we make now with how we bring up our children that will lead to a better world in the future”.
Resolution in today’s society is nearly non-existent, this is why we need resolution counsellors, as we can’t resolve problems on our own. If we think of changing the form of parenting that is entrenched in us for a natural approach we then become part of the future where people are able to work out differences within the home, state, country, world, leading to a change of how we live in todays world.
Megen Hibbins,
