The Green Parent

By The Green Parent

11th March 2021

This #ThrowbackThursday Sarah Beverton explains how to take charge of your own experience during pregnancy, embracing the spiritual, rather than the physical.

The Green Parent

By The Green Parent

11th March 2021

The Green Parent

By The Green Parent

11th March 2021

Pregnancy is a time of preparation. Some of us prepare our homes, rearranging and decorating rooms, some buy stuff, some try to prepare older siblings for the huge change that will happen in their lives, some prepare their bodies for the impending birth. However, some women take an entirely different approach to this preparation, seeing pregnancy as a profound spiritual and personal experience.

It does not seem unreasonable to view pregnancy as a manifestation of extreme good health. It is therefore no surprise that an allopathic medical system, focused around problems, is considered by some to be unsuitable; looking for problems where there are none can nonetheless unearth some. Whether they are real or imagined, these problems are usually caused by the interventions themselves. In fact many women think it odd to consider any sort of medical system necessary during such a time of abundant vitality and strength.

Shifting focus

A spiritual pregnancy shifts the focus from worry-inducing tests to peace and harmony with the new small person. A mother need not allow someone else to tell her how her baby is, or what position he is in. She is free to recognise that this kind of treatment moves her further and further from him every time it occurs. By the end of the average medically managed pregnancy there could be any number of midwives, sonographers, doctors and implements standing between mother and child. By the end of a spiritual one the pair are just as entwined emotionally as they are physically. The nature of the uninterrupted relationship between mother and unborn child is so intense, such a beautiful start to the bonding process, that it seems counterintuitive to say the least to allow the kind of interruptions which will by necessity diminish this relationship.

Taking time

During their time sharing a body, mother and baby work together through everything, using meditation or quiet time to communicate. Each time that they take this time to retreat from the world they are brought closer together. By spending ten minutes a day completely focused on the new life growing inside her, she will become more and more in tune with him. If she becomes worried, rather than rushing off to hospital, she will relax, centre herself and ask her baby how he is and what he needs and will invariably be answered if she allows herself to listen and trust. By the time the pregnancy comes to fruition the pair will have worked through so many issues, both mundane and serious, pregnancy related or not, that they will have a relationship as strong as any. Such a strong relationship will enable them to reassure one another during the birth and maintain confidence in themselves and their own knowledge of what is right or what is needed or indeed not needed to complete this amazing and magical task.

Nurturing the spiritual

A pregnancy of this nature makes it far more desirable for the birth to be equally unassisted. This brings numerous advantages of its own, including privacy, safety and, of course, the spiritual element. As mother and child unite in the climax of their relationship so far, it is not unheard of for women to have a peak spiritual experience or even to orgasm. An unassisted birth can be an amazingly transformative experience, cementing the already strong relationship between mother and baby and allowing for breastfeeding and post birth bonding to go uninterrupted by measuring, cleaning, tests and other unwanted and superfluous procedures.

Of course, nobody would claim that an intuitive spiritual pregnancy prevents problems occurring, though it will, by its nature, circumvent many of the countless complications caused by interventions, hospitals and doctors that plague so many pregnancies today. The difference in this approach is that the first person to be consulted when worries crop up is the baby and it is he who communicates what is needed and when it is time to seek help. Having said that, it will be a very rare obstetrician who will listen to a mother before a monitor when problems do arise and help is sought, but the confidence and certainty of knowing one’s baby brings with it an assertiveness, born out of the instinct to protect her offspring, that may surprise even the mum.

Trust intuition

At this point you might be thinking ‘I could never do that’, ‘I could never trust myself’ or ‘What if something happened and I didn’t know?’. The difficulty in this in a western industrialised society is that we are trained from the very earliest point in our lives to ignore our intuition, trust science, trust medicine, hand over responsibility and all will be well. A lifetime of living surrounded by this kind of mentality can be extremely challenging to ignore or overcome, especially when in fear for the life of a child. Trusting our intuition can only come with practice and pregnancy is the perfect place to start. Having a new life to protect heightens intuition as well as the motivation to listen to it helping mother and child to establish an immeasurably strong bond even before birth.

Taking responsibility

The other side of the coin is that in taking responsibility there is nobody else to blame when something goes wrong. A mother who hands herself and her baby over to a doctor can say, ‘I did everything I could.’ The fact is, a mother who takes responsibility for herself has in fact given herself and her baby a better chance, but will be more likely to face criticism in the event of a problem because she has rejected the socially accepted way of dealing with pregnancy, threatening those who follow the herd. Taking back this kind of responsibility for ourselves and our families is as empowering as it is challenging and preparing in this way takes more than merely rejecting western medicine. A great deal of courage is required, both to work through fears and other issues surrounding pregnancy and birth, and to deal with potential criticism from those who don’t understand. When dealing with others each family must decide on the best approach for them. It may be best to keep your plans to yourself until after the birth or even beyond or to tell only those who can be relied on beyond any doubt to be supportive. It may be a little more difficult to satisfy the curiosity of people expecting to see a scan photo but perhaps directing them to the excellent book ‘Ultrasound? Unsound’ produced by AIMS may help. There may be families who feel confident enough to be open about their decision, however, it may feel more important not to have a pregnancy filled with arguments and negativity from others than to share your excitement at your approach. This can be really difficult if those closest to you are unlikely to share your joy.

Surround with beauty

Overcoming personal issues may take more work but will be extremely beneficial as birth preparation. An important part of taking responsibility for pregnancy and birth is working through any psychological barriers that may manifest as physical problems at any stage. To do this, think about any previous birth experiences, including your own, and list any fears that have arisen from them. Be very aware every time you think about birth of what your preconceptions and expectations are about it. Limit the birth stories you read and videos you watch to positive beautiful births. It may also be helpful if you are told any scare stories to ask more about what happened; in more cases than not, you will find that the problems that occurred were caused by intervention and therefore are not relevant to your situation. It can help to say affirmations such as ‘I trust my body to birth safely and peacefully’, being careful to avoid negatives (e.g. ‘my birth will not be painful’) or to construct a poster based around these phrases and images (e.g. opening flowers) to focus on when birth is imminent.

Visualising birth

It can be considered quite important during a spiritual pregnancy to spend some time in meditation each day. Visualise the ideal birth in great detail, find out what is needed to achieve it, tune in to your baby and share your preparations with him. Take this time to practice the relaxation skills that will help with the birth. The role of research in birth preparation is also worth mentioning; the more we know about pregnancy and birth the easier it can be to trust it. On this note it is important to avoid mainstream pregnancy guides as they have a strong bias towards medical management. Instead read up on unassisted childbirth, there are many fantastic books giving the truth about birth and its intrinsic safety. Finally it is important in any pregnancy, as in the rest of life, to ensure that nutrition is excellent and that sufficient exercise is taken. It can be very reassuring to look to animals or even humans in more traditional cultures as it is clear that they birth with little if any pain and far more easily and safely than we do when in hospital. Of course they do not have research, birth posters and affirmations, but equally they don’t have years of birth fear instilled into them to contend with.

Involving the father

One huge advantage of an autonomous spiritual pregnancy is the increased involvement of the father. In a medical setting the baby’s father is all too often pushed aside and given a peripheral role, if any, in the birth of his own child. In a hospital setting hardly any fathers are even given the opportunity to catch their own child as they emerge. Even during pregnancy it is not a surprise to find that the midwife’s office has only one chair. During a spiritual pregnancy the father can take part in meditation with his partner and child, he can research alongside his partner as well as independently, and can take a vital role in providing emotional support. The rewards of approaching a pregnancy in this way extend into so many different areas it would be difficult to list them all, but as well as the spiritual aspect there is the increased safety, personalised nature, privacy, bonding and closeness both between mother and baby and between the parents as together they achieve something that is simultaneously truly remarkable and at the same time the perfectly natural birthright of every family.

Sarah Beverton lives in the Tees Valley and is a mum of two.

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