I am writing this piece in the living room while my teenager is upstairs playing Minecraft online. I feel a need to explain what he has been doing so far today. Of course I don’t need to justify that he is a well-balanced teenager and I am a responsible parent (but I want to add that he went for a bike ride last night and is planning a camping trip with friends later in the year, with no wifi).
Whatever our stance on screens, we don’t have to look far to find reports and studies crammed with statistics about teen screen time. One recent survey reported that the average teenager spent nearly seven hours a day absorbing screen media in their free time. Seven in 10 teenagers have their own smartphones. Some studies share alarming statistics of second screen usage, describing teenagers not only watching films or paying games on line, but at the same time having laptops, tablets or smartphones at their fingertips for a range of reasons.
Whenever data is linked to our children’s physical development or emotional wellbeing, we really sit up and listen. The worry is that something that seems like a temporary problem could cause more permanent damage that will blight their adult lives and relationships. Vision and concentration problems linked with screen use are huge concerns, as well as physical conditions caused by bad posture and repetitive actions. Screen usage can affect sleeping and eating habits, both of which can have a knock on effect on a young person’s activity levels, self-esteem and emotional wellbeing. A recent American study reported a huge jump in depression and suicidal tendencies among teenagers, if they spent too long on screens.
I try hard to give my children large helpings of fresh air, coupled with a love of nature, strong bonds with family and friends and a healthy connection with their inner self. Without even reading the research, my instincts tell me that too much screen time interferes with many of the healthy goals I have for my children. But gradually, as my offspring become teenagers and life grows busier for everyone, the lure of screens grow stronger. A family game or a trip to the park might be the healthy option, but after we’ve worked, cooked dinner, refereed an argument, helped with maths homework and answered some questions about Brexit, teen screen time is often our chance to have a quiet cup of tea and reflect.
Teen screen time is an issue that makes me confront my own feelings, choices, addictions and needs as well as guiding my teenager. It’s a personal journey, and the more I embrace the right path for us, the less guilt I feel and less need to judge others for choosing their path.
“I’ve started to include a device free weekend every month or so, where we switch off mobiles, laptops, kindles, tablets and any kind of gaming device”
SCREEN FREE IDEAS
COOKING - It’s useful for teenagers to develop cooking skills and once they are engaged in a recipe, the kitchen can be a safe place where they may sometimes share their thoughts and feelings with you. Cooking is a good antidote for screen time as it is linked with nurturing the family and connecting with other people.
ARTS AND CRAFTS - It’s hard to press buttons when you are crafting with your hands and in turn, crafting helps calm the mind and stop that itch for screen time. My son enjoys whittling and sketching in his free time, but others may prefer textiles or painting. Some of these activities have an added natural element and my son likes to go to local green areas to find different wood to use for his whittling. It’s a good feeling to see him not only off screens, but investing that time in a skill.
BOARD GAMES - These can be the old favourites played as intergenerational family games. Monopoly, Cluedo, Ludo, Mastermind, Scrabble spring to mind, but my children and I have discovered plenty of others, such as Dixit, Carcassonne and Mancala. Encourage your teens to take a pack of cards along to meet ups and activities, and learn new games from other teens. It’s free to play in your living room, but sometimes there are games nights at local libraries and council run clubs, and you can pay to go to games libraries or cafes that often have shelves piled high with games that you can play all evening for an entrance fee or a minimum food order.
OUTDOOR ACTIVITIES - My children still love fresh air and exercise as much as when they were very small, but it sometimes takes a little more planning. Remind them to arrange in advance meetups with friends for football or other sports but schedule in family outdoor time too. If the local swings are no longer appealing, find out about new cycle paths or skate parks. Seek out green areas if you live in the city and remember some inspiring churches and cemeteries can be found at the end of a good walk.
YOUR STORIES
Diana “We have been all over the place with screens and I’ve learnt that no restrictions can be as stressful as very tight restrictions. Around the age of 10 or 11 my son started working out his own schedule for what he considered a responsible amount of screen time each day. We used to discuss it together and sometimes make adjustments but once he had a say, he would ask for a lot less screen time. We also discussed why he would want to use screens at particular times. Sometimes it was just for fun, but other times because he was feeling sad. I wanted him to be aware of when he might use screens to escape, so that I could support him in making healthy choices. When he hit teenage years I noticed he was becoming far more responsible about screen time. He started turning his mobile phone off a lot, so he wouldn’t get distracted, and generally saving computer games for the weekend. My desire all along has been that he learn to self-regulate.Parenting controls on computers are really important too, although you still have to be vigilant. Access to hard core porn is extremely damaging for kids and software and computer companies don’t make it easy to keep young people protected from strangers. When our son was playing games more often we made sure we researched the games he was playing and what sort of group chat was happening. My husband played all the games my son liked, so we knew what sort of settings to install.”
Kym “Screen time is such a personal journey for each parent and child, and no one can tell another parent how to manage it all. I still haven’t got it sussed for my nearly 15 year old, but I feel much more empowered than I did. My son would spend all his waking hours on his computer and phone, if he could, but it makes him very grumpy and unwilling to do much else. A few years back, his occupational therapist told us to limit his screen time to an hour, and although this seemed extreme, we noticed straight away that he was calmer. He has downtime set on his phone, so he can only make calls and listen to music between 8am and 4pm, and he has one hour of gaming time on his phone and then it shuts down. I can add extra time if it seems appropriate, but generally these controls take away the restlessness he used to feel around thinking about screens constantly. We still argue about screens, but less than we used to, and I’m trying to help him recognise the feelings that are connected to addiction. I’m also pretty strict about game ages and don’t let him play very violent games. Every now and then I monitor his phone. I think technology and screens have benefits if managed well.”
Audrey “It’s not just the teenagers who are addicted to screens –as a society we are all so used to having a screen at our fingertips and doing everything online. So any decisions about screen time in our house are always centred round the whole family, with the knowledge that screens are stressful as well as useful. My younger two children don’t need phones yet, but the eldest had one for Christmas, a few months before his fifteenth birthday. He has a small monthly budget for data, and one rule is that it goes on charge in our bedroom every night at 9pm. We limit computer games to Friday evenings, and sometimes an hour or two on Saturdays. I’ve also started to include a device free weekend every month or so, where we switch off mobiles, laptops, kindles, tablets and any kind of gaming device. At first the children complain, but as the weekend progresses they get on board and start finding other things to do. During these weekends we spend a lot more time together and outside. At home we are in the same room more, interacting as a family. Without the distraction of screens there seem to be more hours in the day, and we definitely get more sleep too.
MORE INSPIRATION
READ habyts.com/kids-and-screen-time-five-facts/
EXPLORE commonsensemedia.org/research/the-common-sense-census-media-use-by-tweens-and-teens-2015
