By Lucy Corkhill
25th November 2013
With International Men’s Day falling on 19th November, we thought we’d round up five ways to celebrate and connect with your loved one. Having said that, your loved one doesn’t have to be a man, and you don’t have to limit these activities to 19th November! Celebrating what is sacred and special about your partnership means it is more likely to stand the test of time, and grow stronger and more committed as the years go by. All relationships go through ups and downs, and sometimes through so many downs it feels healthier to find a different way of raising your kids than being together as a couple. But if you can still feel the love that connects you deep down, under the aggravations and upsets of life, then consider one of these ways to bring a little more of it into your lives:
1. TAKE A WALK TOGETHER
Getting outside is a tonic whatever mood you’re in. Re-framing the weather in a different perspective helps you to enjoy it: strong winds blow the cobwebs away; rain can be seen as cleansing; cold as invigorating; early darkness as evidence of the seasonal changes; snow as a truly magical adventure. Walking briskly is a good way to shake off negativity, and some slow, deep breaths enable you to slow down ferocious thinking, and get some perspective. It’s hard to have an argument when you’re out hiking! Plan a walk together taking in a natural beauty spot. Nature can be uplifting and energising, and connecting to the wonder around us can be helpful in connecting to our loved ones. Pack a picnic if the weather allows, or stop off at a local cafe or pub for some restorative grub. Meander as you used to pre-children, and allow conversation to flow freely. Evidence shows that men are able to express themselves better if they are engaged in another activity, rather than subjected to a face-to-face grilling session! If you can’t get anyone to look after the kids whilst you take a walk, set aside special family time such as on a Sunday afternoon, when the two of you get to choose the activity. Turn off all distractions to your time together, and allow space to just be.
2. ARRANGE A DATE NIGHT
Making time to be together can seem like something of an impossibility with kids, but scheduling in regular time to appreciate your partner has a knock-on effect on the whole family. A connected couple makes for closer, more intuitive parenting, and a loving environment for kids to flourish in. Our children learn about relationships through us, so it makes sense to try and create loving ones if we can. If there’s no one to look after the kids whilst you go out, create a special date night at home. Plan a nice meal, and an evening of no distractions (e.g. the phone or visitors, distractions from kids might be harder to control!). If getting out of the house is what you really need, however, try and make it happen. Perhaps you have a friend who your child trusts with whom you could swap babysitting nights. Get yourself in the mood by taking a bath and pampering yourself, and enjoy getting dressed up for the evening. If you’re on a budget, check out restaurant promotions in the local press, or have a meal at home and go for a drink together after.
3. SEND A LOVE LETTER
What better way to tell someone you love them than with a love note? Write down the qualities you admire in your partner, or things you find sexy about them. Concentrate on their best features, and conjure memories from your dating days. It’s easy to lose sight of what first drew us to our partner in the day to day stresses of life, but writing it down helps us remember too. Everyone loves to feel loved and appreciated. Tuck the letter in a place you know your partner will find it, or better yet, pop it in the post for a nice surprise amongst the bills and takeaway pizza flyers. You might like to send an invitation to your date night, and what activities lie in store…
4. TREAT YOUR PARTNER TO THEIR FAVOURITE MEAL/DRINK
Every so often, my partner cooks me my favourite meal. It’s nothing crazy special, but the thought means a lot. When doing the weekly shop, pick up your partner’s favourite drink or a food item they really enjoy (for me, this means adding a local ale and a scone or two). Look out for quirky things in charity shops you know would make your partner smile. It’s the little things – both positive and negative – that form the backdrop of a relationship. Constant nit-picking can feel demeaning and gradually unpick the fabric of a couple’s life together. Little reminders of love lift the spirits and create a more harmonious connection, even if you’re going through difficult times.
5. HONOUR YOUR PARTNER’S STRENGTHS AND LET GO OF YOUR DIFFERENCES
Easy to say and sometimes incredibly hard to implement! Most of us recognise that there are subjects on which we will never see eye to eye with our partners. Sometimes just letting these things go can be really freeing. I had a eureka moment when I realised that if I didn’t live with him, my partner would live in a pigsty – and be happy. Always nagging at him isn’t going to change that, in fact, it’s only going to make both of us frustrated because he genuinely can’t see what my issues are. If I want a clean house, I have to take responsibility for that because it’s my ideal and not his (except for help with basic cleaning tasks obviously). However, my partner is a fantastic father and we happily share parenting without any sense that one or the other does a ‘better job’. So, it’s really good sometimes to take a step back when we feel an accusation or snippy comment coming on and think: but what do I LOVE about this person? If I could let go of all the ways I think this person should change to make me happier, would it make me happier in the long run? Praise and gratitude go a long way too: remember to thank your partner for cooking a delicious meal and not just gripe at them for leaving a wet towel on the bed. That doesn’t mean not having expectations – a wet towel on the bed is annoying – but remembering to value everything your partner brings to your own and your family’s lives. One of the very best things about focusing on what is great about someone means they are more likely to produce more of the same activities and behaviour. With a bit of effort, we can literally blind ourselves with love and see the very best in our partner rather than what we want to change.
