Over the years, I’ve been spotted nursing in some pretty interesting places. Like most new mums, I was nervous at first as I was still learning and had heard a lot of horror stories about women receiving disparaging comments from “helpful” passers-by. But it wasn’t long before I realised that my daughter had little consideration for the delicate sensibilities of others; if she was expressing hunger, I was already taking too long for her liking. So we were nursing in all of the usual places like our home and family and friends’ houses, but also nursing in coffee shops, in restaurants, at the park, by the sea, on trains, busses and even brazenly walking down the street whilst babywearing. We were confident, but also discreet. She was, and still is, a sweet and calm little soul who simply lay in my arms and gazed lovingly into my eyes.
With my second daughter, who prefers to remain attached at all times, I’ve become a little more adventurous with our most recent public nursing being by the side of a roundabout in the middle of a dual-carriageway. Lots and lots of cars passing by with concerned looking passengers. Any attempts at being discreet have been lost in my little one’s desperate attempts to use me like a human climbing frame – whilst still attached. If there’s anybody who hasn’t seen my nipples in this town, I’ve yet to meet them.
It might not be for everyone, with some mothers choosing to use nursing covers, but there’s a lot to be said for out-and-proud public nursing. In fact, I think it’s crucial to improving breastfeeding rates.
The New Normal
Nowadays, it’s much more common to see babies being fed from bottles. Naturally, much of this will be due to the fact that most babies are formula fed but it is actually a much more complicated issue. With breastfeeding being much less common than formula feeding, we don’t see much breastfeeding really. I can count on one hand the number of women, that I don’t already know, I have spotted nursing in public since I became a mother and I can’t remember seeing it at all growing up. This, sadly, is true for most of us. We grow up seeing babies being fed from bottles and, as a result, that is what is normal to us now. From there, women have become anxious about being stared at and have chosen to hide away or just stop breastfeeding altogether. It’s a catch-22 situation, going endlessly round and around.
And that’s not all. The less people see, the more strange breastfeeding in general has become. It’s quite an alien concept to an alarmingly high percentage of the population, with many women admitting to find it a little creepy. Whilst I’d be the first to stand up and declare breasts both sexual and nurturing, it should come as no surprise that they are largely viewed as sexual if all we ever see of them are in sexualised situations. So when average Joe, who hasn’t really seen breastfeeding before, is flabbergasted about seeing sexy lady parts feeding a new-born on the bus and feels the need to protect the innocence of his fellow commuters by asking you to put it away or when a couple dining at the table across from you complain to the waiter about you flashing them whilst they attempt to enjoy their romantic dinner date, you may well be staggered by their ignorance – but can we really blame them when they represent a fundamental flaw in public psyche? If breasts are merely funbags, then people are no better equipped to deal with the public sighting of yours than say… your husband’s penis.
Support
Now, I consider myself to be quite lucky. I was raised by a strong woman who I watched work hard to become a senior midwife. Along the way, she taught me a lot about breastfeeding and helped to normalise it as my immature teenage mind struggled to compute the concept of why a mother wouldn’t just sit in a toilet to feed or, of course, bring along some bottles. So, even though I brushed her off quite frequently I always knew, in the back of my mind, that I would breastfeed my children. It was never a question of if. I also have the benefit of having surrounded myself with like-minded parents and when I sit down to write about things like this, I am always staggered by just how uncommon breastfeeding actually is. With all of this behind me, public nursing is not something I have ever really struggled with. But, not everyone (or even many) can be so fortunate.
The average woman grows up fed from a bottle; sees her own siblings and other relatives being fed from a bottle; feeds her dollies from little toy bottles; watches her friends bottle feed their children and finally goes on to bottle feed her own babies. Everywhere she looks, almost every baby she sees is being fed from a bottle. On the TV; on billboards; in magazines; in children’s books… everywhere. Can we really be surprised that breastfeeding seems so alien to her? Maybe she considers it, but with over-stretched midwives piling on pressure to achieve targets whilst not being fully available to offer the correct support and well-meaning family members, having no experience of their own to provide, offering reassuring noise when she starts to cave and reach for the bottle “never did you any harm…”, it’s small wonder that she goes for what is familiar in a time of great uncertainty.
Under these circumstances, “breast is best” rhetoric simply won’t cut it. “Maybe it is best”, the people will say, “but there’s nothing wrong with formula either”. Women are selling themselves, and their babies, short without even knowing it. Breast is best tells us nothing.
Seeing is believing
So, what are we to do? In such a hopeless seeming situation, what could possibly make even the smallest difference?
This is where YOU come in. For every person who chooses to nurse without fear, in public, even once – at least one person is SEEING it. When I take a little walk to the shops with my nursling all wrapped up in a sling, I must be seen by ten or twenty people. Children ask me questions as I nurse her over a coffee in my favourite little bistro, grown men comment on how I am getting it “right” as I sit down to dinner at the local pub and fellow pub-goers turn to see what he’s talking about. It’s a ripple effect and it is staggering. My friend’s children nurse their dollies after seeing myself and their mums’ other friends nursing, the children at their nursery see them doing this. A little girl who lives a few doors down from us wants to nurse her babies when she grows up, even though her youngest sister is currently being fed from a bottle. I can’t take all the credit, her mum is clearly a fantastic woman who is strong enough to lay it on the line for her daughter and future grandchildren, but the seed was sown effortlessly. All I had to do, was feed my baby where she could see me.
The more people see breastfeeding, the less strange it becomes. The more fearless we become, the less scary it seems to new mums trying to work things out for themselves. It’s such a simple way to make a such a powerful change. Theoretically, you could save a child’s life by choosing to nurse in public. And all you have to do, is feed your baby – where people can see you.
Be fearless!
