By Lucy Corkhill
23rd January 2014
Cultures throughout the world and throughout history have used massage as a form of connection, communication and relaxation – it is something that comes naturally to a bonded baby and parent. Simply stroking our baby’s skin – using oil/lotion or not – is a form of massage.
But as our children grow and become wriggling little toddlers and then strong-willed youngsters, there is a tendency to rely more on words to communicate and less on the medium of touch. It’s usually when our children are ill or anxious that we remember the wonder of touch and how relaxing it is for both the giver and recipient. Touch transcends language too, so when our child is having difficulty verbalising their feelings, or simply doesn’t want to talk about something, loving touch lets them know that we are present and there for them.
Making space for massage in your family’s routine brings huge benefits. It allows you to stay connected with your children as they grow, and offers them the tools to relax and de-stress that they can take into their adult lives. Even rambunctious toddlers who can’t stay still can gradually learn to unwind through touch, and parents who regularly soothe their energetic child in this way find that it can help them find calmness and peace before bed. Imagine if rather than prescribe drugs, doctors advised massage for children with ADHD or other ‘behavioural problems’: not only would it help the children, it would enable parents to take a proactive role in soothing their children and everyone would feel better for it. Although we don’t yet understand (or, more often, accept) ‘energy medicine’, when we connect with our children through touch, we are working on a deep level. Far deeper than we perhaps realise at the time. This kind of bond is one that can see our beloved little folk through childhood, into teenagehood, and beyond. We are sharing a gift for life.
Take it at a pace your child feels comfortable with
If you are (re)introducing massage into your child’s routine, don’t expect them to lie still and passive for half an hour. Instead, experiment with just stroking their feet or head to start with. Try it for 5 minutes or so, or until your child becomes restless, and then gradually extend the time each evening. Good places to start with are the head and feet, because they require no undressing (except perhaps removal of socks) and are very relaxing. As your child becomes used to regular massage, you can start to include the neck, shoulders and then back, legs, arms and hands.
Set it up
Make sure the room is at a comfortable temperature to relax in and your child is well-supported with cushions and pillows. Provide a blanket in case they get chilly. Candlelight is much more relaxing than overhead lighting, and also helps wind the day down gradually to night time. Music or a relaxing story tape playing in the background can help – Relax Kids have great guided meditations too. If you are using oil (jojoba, coconut and sweet almond all make nice oils to start with), warm it slightly by putting the bottle of oil in a shallow bowl of hot water. Make sure your hands are nice and warm before you start too.
How to do it
A lot of people balk at the idea of giving a massage because they feel they don’t have the necessary skills. But every time we rub our child’s tummy when they have indigestion, or stroke a feverish forehead, we are massaging. There’s no need to learn specific skills at the beginning; just repetitive stroking and gentle kneading is a great way to start. Try rolling feet between your two hands, or running your fingertips over your child’s scalp. Another way to begin is to tell a story with your fingertips on your child’s back – this kind of massage is used with severely traumatised children to allow them to rediscover the pleasures of touch without feeling invaded and can be done through clothes. Little ones will love the pitter patter feeling of rain, or the sweeping movement of waves. Children need less pressure than adults as they have less muscle tension, so check in with your child as you go. You don’t want it to be so soft it’s tickly (unless your child likes that), but you don’t want to start massaging too deeply as this can trigger discomfort. If your child is seated, start by massaging their head as if you were washing their hair, and then gradually move to their neck and shoulders. If your child is lying down on their front, you could massage their back before taking their feet in your lap and giving them a final squeeze. Keep the rhythm regular and soothing, breathe in time to your massage strokes, and you’ll find it begins to come naturally.
Massaging older kids/teenagers
Although your teen might scorn the idea of a regular massage, it can be a great way to maintain contact at this transitional time. Your teen is less likely to want to make a big thing of a massage, so keep it light and short. Perhaps you could massage your teenage daughter’s hands/feet before giving her a manicure/pedicure. Or get your teenager to sit on cushions with his/her back to you at your feet while you sit on a chair behind him/her. You can then massage his/her head while she/he rests back against you. If integrating a massage into your teenager’s routine feels challenging, offer to give her feet a rub while she reads out her homework to you, or squeeze his shoulders while he revises. Don’t make a big deal out of it if your child doesn’t want to be massaged at this time in their lives; though it’s a lovely way to connect, many teenagers go through a phase of not wanting too much physical contact, especially with parents.
Enjoy it
If you regularly factor in a bit of time after your child’s bath for a massage, it will quickly become the norm. But don’t get anxious if you run out of time, or if your child isn’t that fussed at first. Massaging now and again is better than not at all, and your child will gradually get used to it as part of his/her routine and begin to relax. Our fast-paced lifestyles mean that it can take a while for a youngster to unwind from the busyness of the day; by providing massage you are giving them the tools to do that gently. If you create the right environment and factor in this time with your child each day, it can become a real source of pleasure for both of you. Rushing around, we can forget the wonder of our beautiful children as they grow. Through touch, we can remember our blessings and reconnect with our family every day.
f you want to learn techniques for specific problems, try these great books:
Healing Touch for Children: Massage, Acupressure and Reflexology Routines for Children Aged 4 -12 by Mary Atkinson
Baby Touch: Massage and Reflexology for Babies and Children by Wendy Kavanagh
Reflexology For Children by Barbara Kunz
Happy Feet: A Child’s Guide to Foot Reflexology by Leia Stinnett
