By The Green Parent
23rd November 2020
I imagined that when the time came I would give birth at home, wherever that may be, surrounded by candles and crystals with gentle music playing in the background. As a Forest School leader with an interest in outdoor education, I often read alternative parenting magazines, including The Green Parent, long before I had planned to start a family, and that only confirmed to me the type of parent I wanted to be and the positive, natural birth experience I would have.
But there was nothing about my first pregnancy that went to plan. I fell pregnant, unexpectedly, in the middle of an emotional few months when I had simultaneously got married and lost my Mum. The pregnancy was a complete shock but we embraced the precious gift of a new life at such a bitter sweet time and slowly, slowly I began to grow into my new role as a mother. I purchased a book called ‘Yoga Mama, Yoga baby’ which was the only pregnancy guide that resonated with me. Week by week I practised the simple yoga stretches, meditations and visualisations connecting me with my growing baby. After 12 weeks I started to attend a pregnancy yoga class in an old chapel with the kindest, wisest teacher who each week taught us different breathing techniques to help us through labour. She made me feel empowered and strong and capable and I began to look forward to the prospect of giving birth.
Living Off Grid
To add to the upheaval of that year it was also our first year living off-grid. My husband and I had recently moved into a yurt in a small woodland that my husband managed. It sounded like the perfect setting for a home birth; except our baby was due in the middle of January, we had no running water at the time and absolutely no vehicle access. When the midwife asked me to complete the form asking me where I planned to give birth I wrote ‘undecided’.
I took the pregnancy a day at a time. I didn’t intend to read anything about the third trimester until I reached 28 weeks. Therefore I was totally unprepared when at 27 weeks, I went into labour. After a sleepless night due to unbearable back pain and cramping, which I thought was a kidney infection, I arrived in hospital for a check up only to be told that I was having contractions and was already 5cm dilated. I was suddenly a medical emergency and things were completely out of my control; surrounded by doctors and nurses, covered in wires and monitors, having tests to check for infections, given drugs to slow down the contractions and steroid injections to develop my unborn baby’s lungs. It was terrifying and overwhelming.
Somewhere in the midst of the chaos a wonderful midwife sat down next to me and asked me how I was feeling; I cried, she held my hand, she reassured me and somehow I gained the strength to take control. It was just a brief interaction as she finished her shift, and yet that connection had grounded me. I requested a birthing ball which I used, despite the many wires attached to me, to rotate and move through every contraction. I remembered my breath work from my yoga classes, I practised the visualisations from my yoga book and I connected with my own inner strength, my mother’s strength and the long line of strong women that had gone before me.
I laboured with no pain relief for a further 24 hours before, due to the increasing risk of infection and loss of blood, I ended up in theatre having an emergency c-section. Our son was born at 27 weeks and 2 days, weighing 2lb 11oz and was rushed straight to ICU. My first glimpse of him was a photo on my phone when I came around from the general anaesthetic. It was a million miles away from the birth I had always envisioned.
We spent the next ten weeks in SCBU, sat by an incubator listening to the constant alarm on the monitors. It was completely out of our control and once again I had to delve deep to find my inner strength and focus on the small things that I could control. We had daily ‘kangaroo cuddles’, skin on skin care with him down my top or his Daddy’s. We read him stories so that he could hear our voices and I set about expressing my milk every three hours for the next nine weeks. I was determined to breast feed and he was fed exclusively with my breast milk through a tube into his stomach. Even on the nights that there was no bed for me and I had to go home to the yurt, I plugged my electric breast pump into a 12 volt car battery and kept the milk cold in a cool bag outside the door. He thrived. After ten weeks he weighed over 6lb, could breathe on his own and breast feed on his own. He came home in time for Christmas.
Fast forward two and a half years and I was pregnant again with our second child. A planned conception this time, I was determined to go full term and have a natural vaginal birth. By then our off grid home had progressed to have running water and a central heating system, however the access was still an issue and baby number two was due at the end of November, so for this reason I opted for another hospital birth. As we had never discovered the reason for my first premature labour, this time around I was monitored throughout. But thankfully, I had a full and healthy pregnancy and was thrilled to reach the 27 week marker and beyond, growing bigger by the day. I attended an amazing birthing group where we learnt not only pregnancy yoga, breath work and hypno birthing techniques, but were also armed with all the medical knowledge and questions to ask, so that we could make informed choices about our births. I couldn’t believe it when I reached 40 weeks and walked along the beach full term and blooming with pride!
However, I was then told by my consultant that I was high risk as I was now over due and was advised to have a c-section if I reached 42 weeks; I had gone from one extreme to the other! I had no intention of having another c-section and I spent the next ten days convinced my baby would arrive in good time; dancing, walking, resting and trusting in my body. But I was soon ten days past my due date, c-section deadline approaching fast. More than anything I wanted to have a vaginal birth with my husband by my side and my baby arriving safely into the world, so I made the tough decision to be induced.
We drove into hospital as the sun came up, our three year old son having gone off happily with his Grandparents for the day, knowing that we would finally meet our new baby. By some wonderful serendipitous chance, I discovered my midwife was the same woman who had first reassured me during my son’s birth. I was delighted to have her by my side. I had a bag full of crystals and essential oils, but none of it was used. I was fully present in the moment, feeling loved and supported by my husband and midwife. I laboured for seven hours and eventually, on all fours, I pushed out our 9lb 10oz baby girl into my husband’s arms and he cut the cord. I was able to hold her and breast feed her straight away. It could not have been more different from my first birth.
Just as every child is different, so is the story behind how they arrived in the world. My two birth stories could not be more different. Neither one was a ‘normal’ birth and both had medical intervention for very different reasons. Neither was the beautiful home birth under the stars that I once dreamed of. Yet to me they were both magical and unique. It isn’t about where they take place or the complications surrounding them. It is a story of the support I found and the connections I made on my journey. A story of letting go of expectations, finding your inner strength and believing in your ability to birth your child, no matter what twists and turns the plot may take along the way.
With strength and empowerment to all mothers everywhere, whatever their birth story.
Gemma lives off grid in a yurt with her husband and two children, aged 3 and 6. She is a forest school leader and hula hoop instructor, currently putting all of her energy into raising happy children, learning to grow veg and living a sustainable lifestyle. Find her on Instagram @yurt_mother
