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Hi all,
Ok, so I am after some objective views on this wink
We currently have three girls 7, 5, 2.5 so the question is would you have a fourth or not?  And what would your reasons be? 
I am interested to know about your family dynamics especially those who are a little further along, i.e what happens in a family of 3 when they get a bit older?  At the minute the eldest two play very well together and the youngest still is happy to be with me (we H.ed too) but what happens when they get a bit bigger?
I was one of two sisters and so knew I didn’t want to replicate that (direct comparisons etc) but are there any mums out there who were one of three (girls?) and what was your experience of it?
Anyone had 3 girls then a boy?  How does that change things?
Also the age spread and h.edding, would that influence your decision?

Excitedly awaiting replies smile
thanks!

I have a boy and three girls.  Son is first born (11) the I had two girls close behind (now 9 and 8).  We thought things were complete until dd2 was about 2 and decided to try again.  Dd3 was born when dd2 was 4, so in a way it was liking starting the baby days all over again.  The older three were raised all together IYKWIM, they were all in nappies together, we got over the “baby” stage and home ed wise they were all compulsory school age when she was born.  I didn’t a fourth any extra work as such, ikt was more the age gap that was the issue.  We home ed still and now dd3 is the onlyone who wants to go to playparks, soft play areas etc, the others feel they are too big for that.  Similarly when we do an *older* activity (such as cinema etc) she’s still a bit too young to sit through so will moan/whinge and often then hijack it.  Ds and dd1 are close and then dd2 and dd3 would be closer to each other than the others, infact dd2 is a surrogate mother for dd3.

ETA; in honesty the fact that we are home edding would influence my decision in NOT having another, simply because of the age gap.  I do find it hard to spread myself between the different activites especially ones that restrict age/height etc.

Muslim mum of four, home educating, environmental hypocrite (but doing my best) hodge podging through this life…..

I can’t comment on the HE because my oldest two attend school. We have an almost 10yr old, a 7yr old and a 5mth old and we are planning (ok, I am planning) number 4!  There are only 2.5yrs between the oldest two and I’d like a bit more between the youngest two 3-4yr gap. My heart says I want 4 - that’s as simple as it goes. When we ttc’d for ds (7yr old) my heart wasn’t in it. We did it because we thought it was sensible to have another baby sooner rather than later and it was the worst decision. Obviously I’m totally in love with him now but it took a long time to bond with him as my heart wasn’t ready for #2. With #3 my heart had been desperate for another for 2yrs before we decided to go for it and it felt so right and so different to when ds1 was born. DH doesn’t get the hormonal urge like I do but I know once I start talking about it and planning he’ll love the idea!  If I was a bit younger I possibly would have pushed it to 5 or 6. (Gasp! Did I just say that!!!????)

Good luck whatever you decide!! x x x

I had a fourth - another girl.  smile  The house is full to bursting with their stuff, and as they get older they tend to try to form factions against each other, and there is never a quiet moment (so far).  There have been brief moments since Tali was born when I think perhaps three was my limit (!) but mostly it is way way easier than I expected. 

Before Tali was born the three older ones played together very well and didn’t really split into olders vs youngest or anything like that.  DD3 sometimes seems to struggle with having been replaced as the baby, not by me but by her sisters - she still longs for them to adore and protect her, but things are more rough-and-tumble now she’s bigger and they have more expectations that Roo should be able to remember to stay out of their stuff.  They all mother the baby more than I would like.

Sarah
Living, loving, learning, laughing, growing, with
8yo Jenna (August 04)
6yo Morgan (December 06)
4yo Rowan (April 09)
and toddling baby Talia (December 11)

http://www.carried-family.blogspot.com
http://www.etsy.com/shop/ArwenMakes

GP LETS number 17

I have 3 of my own and 2 stepdaughters, and there’s no way on earth I’d have any more, I seriously find it very challenging with the ones I’ve got. 3 is definitely my limit, when I’ve got all 5 I just go insane, though that may be more the issues about having step-siblings and kids who ahve been brought up in different households and in very different ways. My 3 are all home ed and my steps go to school. I do find it very hard doing the things I want to with my older 2 while the baby is so small and demanding, and i sometimes feelt hat she just gets lugged along like luggage to whatever I’m doing with the others rather than having her needs considered specifically. All 4 of the older ones fight over her which is a pain. All of mine are girls apart from 1 boy which definitely brings its own issues as they are very different in their expressions of needs/stress/happiness etc. It really depends on what you find you can cope with though, we all have our own different limits!

Liz grin x

Druid, boat-dwelling, home educating mum of DD1 (11), Aspie DS (9) and baby DD2 (2), & part-time step-mum to 2 stepdaughters, 9 and 7.

We have 3 girls - 4, 3 and 1 and I’m currently pregnant with baby 4. I knew after each baby that I wanted another, but this time round, I know that once this baby is born, it’ll be our last (pregnancy is definitely harder this time round already - still early days, and I definitely want to reclaim some sleep filled nights at some point in the (distant?) future!). For our family I think the dynamics actually changed when dd3 arrived - not being able to carry all children at once, not enough hands for everyone, not able to split one child to one parent at bedtime. Plus with the ages, the older two definitely noticed a difference having a baby around, and having a baby with two noisy toddlers was certainly challenging. I think (am hoping!) the transition from 3 to 4 is actually easier, as I’m hoping the dynamics balance out again. In terms of HE we are only just starting so can’t help much, as planning to go down the mostly play route to start, thankfully, as with my current tiredness and sickness, I’m not sure what else I could manage - another thing to consider, I guess, as pregnancy can really knock you out at some points. And I agree with arwen-tiw about space - when it was just the older two, as they were so close in age they shared most things from dd2 being 6 months, but not I have their stuff and baby stuff, and even with a serious toy cull and declutter we are bursting with toys, clothes, books, etc, and I can see that when baby 4 turns up, I will still have all the stuff out now, plus the next stage up stuff for dd1! And if baby is another girl, dh thinks we may need more than one bathroom by the time they are teenagers, lol!

Mummy to 4 little pixies: Seren (feb 08), Merri (may 09), Nerys (june 11) & Lyra (April 13)

http://www.crystals-and-ice.co.uk/ My sister’s amazing bead shop

Reading this with interest as although I have 2 rather than three - I constantly think about another. My fears are around dealing with pregnancy and being able to cope and it’s very interesting hearing about the dynamics of number of siblings and age gaps.

Being pregnant with number four was the hardest thing I have ever done.  I don’t think there will be another baby anyhow, but when I do feel broody and think I’d love more children, the thought of being pregnant again puts me off.  There is no way you can “rest” with three other children (it was hard enough with two others)!  But we don’t have huge gaps.

If I try really hard to be objective, and Tali isn’t in the room, I can remember the hard bits and think that four is good but exhausting.  When she’s in my arms I can only see her, and think that I would absolutely do it all over again, and how lucky I am to have four.  smile

Sarah
Living, loving, learning, laughing, growing, with
8yo Jenna (August 04)
6yo Morgan (December 06)
4yo Rowan (April 09)
and toddling baby Talia (December 11)

http://www.carried-family.blogspot.com
http://www.etsy.com/shop/ArwenMakes

GP LETS number 17

thank you all so far smile  I agree with everything you have all said, it is that total hormonal urge v being sensible and quitting while you are ahead thing that plagues me!!
I totally agree that the 2-3 is the hardest and the girls do struggle with there being one parent too few to go around (esp at bedtime) and so I am undecided as to whether evening up the number would make it better or worse - more to share the attention but then not one left out???!!  ARRRGGGHH!!!  I guess my main concern currently is stretching the age gap with h.edding….

hmmmm…the internal debate continues!!
xx

Reading with interest.
We have 3 kids. I would like to have one more, but wonder about the practicalities and how I would cope.
My 3 are relatively close in age and it’s been a struggle at times. If we have a 4th, i would want a slightly bigger age gap (3yrs), but the clock is ticking for us.

A really interesting thread for me grin. We have three boys and an urge to complete our family with a fourth child. Were just hanging off with concerns about health, and age, ( I am 30 now ) hospitals ( wether our local maternity unit is good or not )
I know I will have to have a c section so we have lots of niggly worries to think about.

I would plan to breastfeeding and babywear if we had another, and to be honest, for the first six months doing the same with out other children, we hardly knew we had them, I was still doing the school run, cooking and cleaning as usual and nothing much changed apart from the car.

I also worry that as we have three seemingly fit and healthy lovely ( mostly ) boys right now , might we be struck down by our selfishness and something awfull happen with a fourth?

So many worries hmmm

SAHM to DS 8 years. DS 7 years and DS 3 and a half years and DD 3 months
Breastfeeding ( exclusively pumping ) , babywearing and very interested in all things green and good.

Our children are almost 5, almost 3 and almost 2.  I always wanted a 4th but can’t because of being pre-eclamptic/near fitting with my 3rd on the morning he was born.  I also had horrific spd and was on 175mg of mst a day, we only managed in my 3rd pg because my husband took months of unpaid leave to care for our children, he wouldn’t be able to do that now we run our own business!  In reality, now they are the ages they are things are starting to settle in to a dynamic I’m wonderfully happy with - I’m not sure I’d want to add another baby in to the mix although I know there is always room in my heart for another, maybe I’m just finding reasons to support the decision my consultant asked me to make in not having any more given how ill I was on the morning of his birth!  From a practical point of view, we are able to put 3 children through private school but 4 would be beyond tight and we can fit 3 children in the back of a landrover which is essential with where we live but there aren’t many (if any) four wheel drives that could take 4 children..  If you’d asked me whether I was happy with 3 a year ago I would have said no but now I’m at peace with it and enjoying each of them for who they are as our family!

GP LETS member #130

DD1 May 08, DD2 April 10, DS born on our 4th wedding anniversary, 07-07-11!

“YOU’LL NEVER KNOW HOW STRONG YOU ARE,... UNTIL BEING STRONG IS THE ONLY CHOICE YOU HAVE”

http://ayearofmeals.wordpress.com/ I’m blogging my meals for a year!

oooh! Eve! I am desperate for number four right now….. just trying to convince G!!! I’m a little unsure about going back to sleepless nights and nappies lol but I’m really feeling the pull for another right now.

Interesting threads!  All of my babies were conceived in the consuming madness of my being irrationally broody! Or being broody, and negligent and then having ‘surprises ’ .  I have never honestly sat and rationalised any of it out.  If I did I would not have had more past, say the first two smile

I adore my four.  But it is mad.  HE four from 12 yrs to 8 months is crazy exhausting and sometimes horridly tiring.  But I adore my children.  And looking at my little baby right now in my arm I could not dream of her not being, I am crazed with thankfulness every day and feel I lucked out.

Saying that my fourth pregnancy has wrecked me, my body is finished with being pregnant. 


Xxxooxoxox. Go polly smile

Sunflower - 20 April 2013 01:02 PM

Our children are almost 5, almost 3 and almost 2.  I always wanted a 4th but can’t because of being pre-eclamptic/near fitting with my 3rd on the morning he was born.  I also had horrific spd and was on 175mg of mst a day, we only managed in my 3rd pg because my husband took months of unpaid leave to care for our children, he wouldn’t be able to do that now we run our own business!  In reality, now they are the ages they are things are starting to settle in to a dynamic I’m wonderfully happy with - I’m not sure I’d want to add another baby in to the mix although I know there is always room in my heart for another, maybe I’m just finding reasons to support the decision my consultant asked me to make in not having any more given how ill I was on the morning of his birth!  From a practical point of view, we are able to put 3 children through private school but 4 would be beyond tight and we can fit 3 children in the back of a landrover which is essential with where we live but there aren’t many (if any) four wheel drives that could take 4 children..  If you’d asked me whether I was happy with 3 a year ago I would have said no but now I’m at peace with it and enjoying each of them for who they are as our family!

I love this post, I keep reading it back smile I feel that peace at the moment, just every now and again reading, seeing or thinking about another one makes me wonder but right now I feel blessed to be able to enjoy the interesting stages my 3 are at - age almost 12, 5 and 2 and not to have to miss out on stuff with them due to nappy changes and night feeding exhaustion. I hope I always feel like this though, I dread feeling gutted in five years that we didn’t have another!!

mamauk - 10 May 2013 09:35 AM

Interesting threads!  All of my babies were conceived in the consuming madness of my being irrationally broody! Or being broody, and negligent and then having ‘surprises ’ .  I have never honestly sat and rationalised any of it out.  If I did I would not have had more past, say the first two smile

I adore my four.  But it is mad.  HE four from 12 yrs to 8 months is crazy exhausting and sometimes horridly tiring.  But I adore my children.  And looking at my little baby right now in my arm I could not dream of her not being, I am crazed with thankfulness every day and feel I lucked out.

Saying that my fourth pregnancy has wrecked me, my body is finished with being pregnant. 


Xxxooxoxox. Go polly smile

my three weren’t planned, like you they were conceived when i was broody and irrational lol

Things are good right now, as easy as they can be, at almost 10, 6 and 4 i’m finally past sleepless nights and nappies… trying to convince myself three is enough. i had a miscarriage last year, and since then, i’m been so desperate to get pregnant again :/

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