Issue 93 is out now

Welcome to The Green Parent Forum

A place where you can chat to like-minded parents, form new friendships, share ideas, events and recipes. Use the search tool to find a wealth of information from the past 10 years of forum discussions. Register today and become part of our supportive community.

If anyone would be prepared to talk to me about this I’d be really grateful.

Hi Gem. I have no experience as such, I don’t have a child with ASD but have experience of children with ASD from work and also friends children.

However have you tried getting in touch with one of the Autism charities, they may have someone you could speak to about your concerns, my friend finds them very useful.

I’m not sure how old your child is but if you wanted a formal diagnosis they usually don’t start them until they are over 7 (I think, from the children I have worked with,
although my friend had a diagnosis much earlier than that). That being said I do believe sometimes a formal diagnosis is just a label that helps professionals to form a plan
ie. for nursery/ school/ jobs etc

Sorry if that’s not much help, I just know that in my friends case the Autism charities have been a lifeline to her.

Mommy of a gorgeous little boy born Nov 2012 My new blog, mainly for my husband to see our adventures

Thank you- I will get in touch with them. I have friends and family with autistic children and the traits are striking in them and my daughter. Those children were diagnosed around 3/4. My daughter is 3. She isn’t at nursery and will be HE’d so its more for myself that I’m wondering. Thanks again.

Your welcome, I guess if your planning to HE then a formal diagnosis is just a label, I’m sure the charities would still be willing to help.
I seem to remember from reading your recent posts that your daughter has some food allergies already and I know my friend tried changing
her child’s diet around to exclude e-numbers, dairy produce and egg, it helped a little, there is more research on that online to.

I know when I was a child my mom had to cut out all e-numbers as she said ‘it drove me up the walls’ and that I became a totally different
child almost on highs and lows

Mommy of a gorgeous little boy born Nov 2012 My new blog, mainly for my husband to see our adventures

Thanks. We don’t eat any processed food and are about 90% vegan! X

My eldest son (9) has Aspergers, I could try and help with any questions you have?x although he only had a formal diagnosis about 6 months *i’d* always known from about 18 months x

Open All The Boxes

Mommy to Jacob (13.03.04), Joe-Joe (17.01.10) Noah (02.03.11) and Thomas (19.05.13)

Taking baby steps towards a more sustainable, conscientious lifestyle.

Hi Gem,

I have read a little around this subject, but sorry I don’t have any definitive answers.  I haven’t been sure about this myself.

I thought i’d share our experience so far.  Not suggesting anyone follows our approach! 

One of my sons has many of the traits, and a higher than average likelihood of ASD due to some health issues which are often related.  At age 3 or 4, I was *sure* he’d be diagnosed if we chose to take it that far.  He didn’t go to preschool/nursery or reception, so it was never picked up on and to be honest, I’m not really happy with these sorts of labels unless it helps the child. 

He is now 5.5, and his ‘quirks’ have mellowed a little!

I am not so sure he’s ASD, although there is probably some medical acronym for him; maybe he’s he’s just ‘spirited’ and ‘sensitive’, but in reality I now just see him as his unique self, and I attempt to keep him outside the box.  I do understand how understanding a general picture of a child can be helpful though.  I have certainly read about it all for the benefit of being a potentially better parent to him.

I think that in my son’s case, the security and relatively stress-free time he has had at home (he always found being around groups of people and noisy environments extremely stressful) has allowed him a bit more time and space to grow out of some of his problems.  He has found his own ways to cope and I am increasingly confident that he’ll get better still.  He’s still not ‘normal’, and one day we may still need a bit of help in order to help him further, but he is so young and changeable right now, and most importantly, he’s happy.

I know that this will not be the case for many or even most children who have similar issues, but I feel there may sometimes be value in taking a little step back and giving children more time. 

All the best,


SAHM to 3 boys
H + C born Dec 2007 and R born March 2011

Thank you for your input twinmama. I have simialr feelings to you and as my daughter isny at nursery and won’t be at school there is no pressure for a diagnosis. I have friends who son is quite severely autistic and my nephew is too and a diasnosis has helped them to receive the right support for their children. 3.5 is still very little and I know that she will emerge in her own sweet time, but I have been questioning whether her brain is functioning more sensitively than I imagined and sometimes its quite difficult to know how to help her whe the world seems so overwhelming. Like your son, playgroups have never been enjoyed by my daughter who either meltsdown or takes herself off to a small corner alone. We don’t go to any more bevcause I don’t feel they were conducive to her wellbeing, despite others helpful input telling me she won’t be ‘socialised’ (whatever that is at 3 and also, what benefit would it be to her if she’s finding it overwhelming in the first place!) We have recently stopped going to our local HE group for a short while until it feels less scary for her.

Im on the same page with twinmama with this one I think. I do think 3-4 years is very young to diagnose tbh, unless the difficulties are very obvious. I think with a lot of children, things can look very different for them between ages 5-7. For me there would need to be a strong advantage to bother with a formal label. A lot of young children appear ‘highly sensitive’ and then go on to grow out of it to some extent or adapt better.
I find this topic interesting because I know a few children who are ASD and they don’t actually seem that different to my children. I always thought DD was on the spectrum somewhere, and certainly around aged 3-4 I did feel pretty concerned. She is now 7 and yes she has grown out of some of the behaviours, or at least they are not so noticeable now. She can still have spectacular meltdowns and has certain sensitivities, for example around food, which we still struggle with. Socially, these days Im not worried atall.
We have met many boys my DS’s age who are on the mild end of the spectrum and whenever the parent says ‘oh my DS really struggles with this or that’, I can always identify with it, yet Id never considered he may be ASD. Yes he is sensitive, he can get terrible anxiety which manifests as OCD and ticks, yes he struggles with noise and touch, and yes he has great difficulty in large groups of people (I never took him to playgroups either & I had to remove him from playschool, which is why we started HE). He also cannot play team games. He also has intolerances that you might link with ASD and he has also had some delay in speech but that has just sorted itself out over time. I don’t know, maybe its because he’s HE but none of it is really a problem most of the time and I just think of him as himself really. I no longer think in terms of ‘highly sensitive’ or anything else.
I think high sensitivity or sensory processing disorder is certainly a ‘red flag’ in terms of ASD, so I think it is hard to unpick the whole thing!

To dare is to lose ones footing temporarily, to not dare is to lose oneself.

LETS number 137

Can;‘t type much as have hurt my shoulder, but my DS has just been diagnosed with ASopergers and it’s my understanduing that the sensory things are just 1 trait of ASD, but to be diagnosed with an ASD, there has to be the Triad of Impairments (google them) which are social problems way bey0ond the sensory teaits.


Liz grin x

Druid, boat-dwelling, home educating mum of DD1 (11), Aspie DS (9) and baby DD2 (2), & part-time step-mum to 2 stepdaughters, 9 and 7.

hi,having issues with my youngest ds,well been having them forever,things came to a head again this morn,came on here to post and found this thread,think Gem asked my question!been looking at various web sites of symptoms/traits etc and he dosnt seem to ‘fit’ as such,i know it has a very wide variation ( ASD),but feeling very lost,down and not sure what to do with him at the mo.any ideas? xx

LETS no42

I wouldn’t really worry too much about a specific diagnosis at such a young age. Whilst in some ways it can be helpful, whether they have a diagnosis or not, they’ll still need help in the same way. It can make identifying what help may be beneficial easier, but there’s such a wide spectrum and varying issues between children, that no matter what, you’ll need to find what works for your child specifically.

I would take a solution focused approach and tackle one thing at a time. What’s your biggest issue, find a solution for that that helps, be consistent in implementing it, and then look at the next biggest issue. This way you’ll come up with a recipe for help that’s specific to your child (which is what anyone with a diagnosis for a condition has to do anyway, as there is no one size fits all solution).

Share with us what your biggest difficulty is, we can help give you suggestions of things that may work, have a play around see what works best, and flex it to meet your individual needs, that work for you and your child.
If I share a couple of examples this may help:
My son likes to spin, we tried discouraging him, distracting him, redirecting him to safe spaces, and the solution that works for us now is he has a frame on which he can spin safely in his bedroom.
He struggles to sit still at mealtimes and disrupts everyone else, (I wanted him to eat but to have a calmer mealtime) we tried being firm (getting cross), him eating at a separate table (which worked for a time), now I tell him when his meal is ready and put it on the table, everyone else sits down and starts eating, when he’s ready he comes in and joins us, he’s often the last to start and first to finish, as soon as his meal is over he leaves the room. If he’s disruptive to the others, I send him back out of the room to come back when he’s calmer. We have a consistent approach, and yes it’s challenging but we’ve found a way forward where he’s less disruptive, I’m not so on edge all of the time, and he’s eating his meals.

It’s just a case of what the solution you actually want is and finding a way to implement it that works for your child.

Hi all

I don’t have definite answers but some ideas.
One of the best training I ever attended was around retention of early childhood reflexes and their affects on development etc. The basic theory being that primitive reflexes serve a purpose at some point eg. during birth, just after, at 3 mths and so on. If, for some reason, the use of and dismissal of the reflex is disrupted then it can be ‘retained’ and cause some issues for baby/child.
Easiest examples would be the ‘startle’ reflex - if the maturation of this is interrupted then the child can retain anxiety, hyper-vigilance etc….you get the picture.
Rooting & sucking reflex may be interrupted by premature birth, tube feeding, cleft palate etc. This reflex retained can lead to hypersensitivity of the mouth - excessive need to chew, dribble or food dislikes based on extremes - such as cold foods, spicy foods etc.
There is also a ‘wriggle’ reflex promoted by labour which makes the baby wriggle its hips to move down the birth canal - the interruption of this could be a C-section for example. Children retaining this reflex may struggle to sit still, find clothes confining or annoying, lack focus and so forth.
It was fascinating to me - ticked so many boxes for my 2 older boys and their very troubled pre-birth and infancy stories. We were given activities to do as the reflexes can be re-absorbed so to speak.
Lots of information on line but can dig out the training info if anyone wants further details.
Brain gym can be great for children with these and many other issues.
Regards to you all

Mum to DD1 Aug 2000, DS1 July 2002, DS2 May 2001 and our gorgeous gift of a baby boy Aug 2011.

‘Don’t Imagine. BELIEVE’ DS1 age 7

Share this with friends

Recent Posts