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Ok, perhaps not quite a ‘hot topic’ for debate but I’m interested in your views.
Do you mind sharing if you expect your children to write thank you letters for Birthday presents etc.
Do you write thank you letters yourself?
Did you as a child?
How do you feel if you do / don’t receive thank you letters?
Any other thoughts?
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we do tend to send thankyou letters/pictures, particularly to older relatives, mainly because my daughter finds the actual act of recieveing and opening a gift very intimidating and the ‘‘SAY THANKYOU’ s she can barely deal with and often retreats behind me further…which i can appreciate to an older generation may seem incredibly rude if they dont understand her character. so we do send out thankyous.
just to add…i dont expect a thankyou let a lone a thankyou letter from children….ever. it actually makes my skin crawl when parents enforce their kids to thank me for a gift. but i understand that thats their progative, though i do often say if the issue is being pressed too much for my comfortability, that i dont need a thankyou and i smile. but often thats irrelevant, ive found, because if a parent wants their child to say thankyou, they will get them to say it whether the person is fussed or not!!!!
i used to write thankyou letters as a child and young teen because i felt physically sick at the thankyou phone call my mum often made me make…for me it was always a really awkard and forced conversation and i always preferred to write a little card x
I was brought up to write thank you letters, I think more so than most as we were travellers and didn’t have a phone/didn’t always see relatives all that often. I still write to my grandparents, not just for thank you’s. I found it to be a bit of a chore as a kid but I do see the value in acknowledging the kindness/thoughtfulness of a gift. My son is a bit young, but I think I will give him the option to thank people for their gifts, but maybe just not make it compulsory, rather a choice. We can still send a nice picture without needing to enforce gratitude.
My father always needed total gratitude for everything (even driving us somewhere safely) so I am a little more sensitive to showing gratitude/making sure people feel appreciated but I don’t want that to pass on to my son (OH and his parents aren’t so fussed with ‘thank you’s’ so it has been a useful challenge for me in letting go of that although I still believe in good manners) so I don’t expect thank you letters, and have yet to receive one but I imagine it’s nice when you do.
Interesting thread, would like to see what others think about this.
I think it’s a lovely thing to do with your kids but their involvement should be totally voluntary. Last year we made autumn tree cards where Ava’s fingerprints were the leaves and inside I wrote a thank you note saying why I thought Ava would like the gift. I explained to Ava and I’ll keep doing this until she wants to join in. If she doesn’t that’s fine too. I totally agree with Gem about forced thank yous. What an odd thing to force…
It’s a nice thing for kids to witness though. We try and show our gratitude in lots of ways x
Yes we do, I did as a child and all the children in our extended family do it. It’s often just a picture, or photo but it goes down very well and I think it’s nice for the children to acknowledge when they receive a gift. I do it too when I receive a gift or of someone has done something for me, people really appreciate a little hand written card.
I always write thank you letters for all the gifts I receive and those the pixies do, although it sometimes takes me a month or two embarrassingly! I think its nice to acknowledge receiving the gift, and the thought that went into choosing it. I wouldn’t force the pixies to write them (none of them write yet), but I do ask them if they would like to help make the cards (invariably they do), and when they do write I will ask them if they’d like to send them and if not I will continue to do it. I have always written them myself, I was brought up to and I never resented it, I really enjoyed it, in fact I think it added to my love of writing. I love receiving them too, although I never expect them. It’s just nice to know your choice of gift has been received and enjoyed, especially since I don’t often get to give gifts in person as many of our friends are scattered across the country.
As an aside, regarding the asking children to say thank you to someone, I personally think it’s very easy when you are little to forget to say thank you, so I do gently remind the pixies once, then say it myself for them if it’s still unsaid. I appreciate that it’s not nice to force a thank you (and indeed it means little forced, much as a forced sorry mean little), but I do think politeness and manners are important and I think its good to get into the habit of saying please and thank you hence my gentle reminders.
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We write letters to those people that we don’t see to thank in person - so only a couple of extended family. Mine prefer to draw- so they tend to draw a picture or craft a collage- then write thank you either on it or on the back.
In regard to physically thanking mine will mostly spontaneously thank (slightly older range mine are!) - however if I don’t think it has happened I will discretely and privately say “have you remembered to thank….....”- The actual task is up to them to do- or not do. They know I will comment on manners afterwards- if they don’t but I wouldnt make an issue at the time…......
I don’t feel the need to have a thank you letter to me- I do quite like an acknowledgement but don’t necessarily think it has to be from the child-( I don’t know any teens so don’t include that age range in that comment) -what I don’t really like is a printed round robin thank you idea- would really much rather a comment of so and so liked the game- job done in my book!!!
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I can’t stop Grace from writing them! She made a thank you card for her drama teacher to thank her for a thank you card, and insisted on sending thank you cards to my BILs even though they didn’t give her a card or present! We gently pointed out that they had “forgotten”, and she said “that’s ok, I’ll just say “thank you for being my uncle”“!
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I really love Mamamake’s take on this, what a lovely way of handling a slightly tricky topic x
Mum to two boys, Roan (Nov 08) and Jude (Oct 11) and a little girl, Amalie (Jan 14). Trying to parent as gently and lovingly as I can.
I used to have to write thank you letters as a child. The older I got the more tedious I found it. I do love to receive handwritten notes/cards myself though, although that obv is not just exclusive to thank you notes I’m afraid I’m incredibly sporadic as to whether I /my children write them now though. I do feel quite guilty about it actually, I think if someone’s made the effort to give you or your child a gift, a thank you ( be it written/spoken or even just a text ) isn’t that hard. Ooh must try harder!