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Hi all, my 8 year old boy is doing really well in school but at his parent’s evening today I was told he is going to have some intervention. A quick web search reveals that children with learning difficulties have ‘social speaking’ intervention, but my son doesn’t have any problems. He is very shy, as was I at his age (and I still am to some extent) but is doing really well academically.

I just wondered if anyone else has had experience of this? Need to put my mind at ease…

Many thanks in advance

Did they say what intervention? Because it would depend what the problem is as to what intervention he would need. Did they actually say he’d have social speaking intervention?  Your post has immediately got my back up (which isn’t difficult as most things schools do or say get my back up these days!). My middle son is also very shy (as, like you, I was) and it makes me so angry that anyone sees that as a negative. It’s just the way we are made and it’s not “wrong” so why should anyone suggest that it is. I spent my whole life thinking that there was something wrong with me for being shy and when I was 28 I went to Uni to study early childhood development and health and my lovely lovely (shy) tutor made me realise that there is absolutely nothing wrong with being shy - it’s not a “problem”, it’s just a personality - but it took me til I was nearly 30 to realise that and accept that that is just who I am!

My daughter’s parents evening was similar - I went to see her English teacher and before I had chance to sit down the teacher told me that she really is too quiet and I’d like her to put her hand up more. I just tutted at her and told her I was quiet too and it has absolutely no reflection on how well she learns English! Makes me so cross!

I would find out exactly what intervention they are suggesting and what “problem” they think he has - and then seriously questioning why on earth they would class his personality as a problem (in fact, if that is their only reason for suggesting it I’d be making a whopping great complaint about them discriminating against personality!). Maybe some people would think I’m over reacting but I don’t. Not for shyness - shyness is NOT a learning difficulty!! Grrrr!!!! I’ll get off my soap box now. xxxx Hugs. xxxxx

Thank you for that reply - that is what I was thinking too. I was extremely quiet at school and never spoke in class until I was about 10, and even then I did not feel comfortable. It was not seen as a ‘problem’, and I did well in my academic life. I also managed to make friends and find a husband! I am so pleased you said what you did, as I was worrying there was something wrong. You have reinforced my feelings. I will speak to the teacher alone and find out a bit more (they ‘invited’ him to attend the sessions in front of him, his older brother and younger sister, so I didn’t get a chance to question it really). I spoke to him just now about it, to try to find out how he feels about it, and he said ‘there isn’t anything wrong with me, is there?’. So now he is worrying! Blooming teachers (not all of them, obviously!).


I agree totally with what Skye blu has said .. Your post mirrors our own experience with our ds now 14 .. After countless consultations with me trying to tell them that being shy was not a negative , I took him out . Oh but how will he learn to compete in the real world if he’s shy and quiet ? Grrrr ... I hope all goes well with the school , hope you can put them straight x a simple life in fabulous Cornwall with my gorgeous boys ....


It depends really on whether his shyness is an issue for him, and whether the ‘intervention’ will be sympathetic and helpful giving him coping techniques, or whether it will make an issue of something that isn’t.

At school I was painfully shy. I use the word painfully because it was, and for me it was very much as issue that made any social situations extremely stressful, and made my school very difficult and unpleasant, even though I did well academically. I used to dread break times, because I would spend them standing in the corner by myself. As I have grown older I have learnt to cope, and now most people won’t even realize, but if I had had those techniques earlier allot of stress and negativity could have been avoided. I have learnt to cope with the help of very sympathetic bosses and colleges over the last 15 years, but if I could have learnt what I know now earlier it would have been very positive.

If however if the only issue is that the teacher would like him to put his hand up more, then say no with conviction grin

I don’t have ay experience but just wanted to say that I didn’t like the sound of intervention either. Maybe you could try explaining how it’s made him ask if he’s ok and see what te school says. You know your child the best not the school. Good luck x

smile Mummy to DS born March 08 and DD born July 2010 smile

GP Lets No 119

Another high functioning married and successful shy person who has felt ‘wrong’ for most of my life - I’d say yes if your child liked the idea and no if they didn’t - good luck xx

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