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Following on from a thread that mentioned about unwanted 'advice' from people poking their nose into the way your children are brought up, what are the worst bits of advice you've been given, whether you liked it or not?

I'll start things off with a few gems of rmy own.

"You can't carry the baby around all day you know, you'll spoil it" (then I discovered slings and found that I COULD carry the baby round all day!   ;D

When I was told to put my poor first baby onto formula due to her losing weight (due to thrush that nobody noticed), she developed very bad constipation and a know-all friend of mine told me to give her a teaspoon of brown sugar.  She was only 8 weeks old and obviously not on any solids yet.  Thankfully, I ignored this.

"Give him a bottle, mix in some egg and flour and cut the teat off" - advice given to me from MIL when my ds was 3 weeks old.   ::)

Home educating Mammy to DD aged 13, DS aged 12, DS aged 10, DD aged 7, DD aged 3 and DS aged 2 weeks!!  grin
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From a friend (it really hurt at the time) 'You shouldn't sleep with her in bed with you, it's making a rod for your own back' - about my 6week old who, after cming out of hospital at 2 1/2 weeks old, couldn't sleep unless physically attached to me or moving about in a pram.  How else was I supposed to get any sleep?

I must admit to schadenfreude (sp?) as she now has a 2nd child (her 1st one was a really easy sleeper) who gets almost no sleep and is up half the night trying to get into bed with my friend and then being taken back to bed, while my wee one still sleeps with us and we all get a reasonable sleep  ;D

Also, from my HV - 'you've got to decide to let her cry sometimes to give yourself a break from holding her all the time' - my answer, 'I've made that decision and I'm buying a sling!'

Looking back, bub was a really high need baby.  It was really tough for us and folk were trying to help, but I HAD to do things my way, the atachment parenting way, otherwise I would have let myself and her down. 

Tanya

Where to start seem to have had so much! MIL main culprit, kept telling me my new baby must be thirsty as he had developed a suck blister thing on his lip from being permanently attached to my nipple! she thought he had dry lips from being so thisty and kept telling me i must give him water, when i didnt do it she even visited while i was out and posted a bottle through the catflap!!!  :D and the only other one which springs to mind is when he was a few months old and kept wanting to take weight on his feet and i would hold him in walking position taking my cues from him she said i mustnt do it or he would get 'bandy legs' !! funnily enough at nearly 7 his legs seem fine  wink  And then there's my own mum who just tells me they need lots more smacks! but we have the kind of relationship where i can tell her to shut up!

Lucyx

Not so much bad advice as the comments " oh you are making things hard for yourself!" and "You're making a rod for your own back!"  >:(

Liz grin x

Druid, boat-dwelling, home educating mum of DD1 (11), Aspie DS (9) and baby DD2 (2), & part-time step-mum to 2 stepdaughters, 9 and 7.

Yes, that reminds me, I can remember my brother asking me when I was going to put my baby onto a bottle.  It seemed such a bizarre question when a baby is feeding on the most natural food you can find!  My (ex) friend used to raise her eyebrows when I was feeding my newborn ds, he used to feed almost every 20 minutes in the early weeks and because I was young and very, very unconfident back then, I would discretely go to the bathroom or spare bedroom to do this!  I remember her telling me that it would be easier when I went onto bottle too.  Not IF I went onto a bottle, when!! I felt very much like an amateur who was messing about and in danger of harming my baby nutritionally in the process.   ::)

Home educating Mammy to DD aged 13, DS aged 12, DS aged 10, DD aged 7, DD aged 3 and DS aged 2 weeks!!  grin
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We're just too polite.   ::)

Home educating Mammy to DD aged 13, DS aged 12, DS aged 10, DD aged 7, DD aged 3 and DS aged 2 weeks!!  grin
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Here's a gem from a health visitor:

Mum wanted to know how to get baby (of only 8 months) onto cow's milk as he didnt seem to like it!
HV: just add some "crusha" syrup (that ghastly e number and sugar laden syrup you can add to milk to make milkshake) I guarantee he will drink it then!

I was flabberghasted (sp) by this!!!!

Nic, with 5 boys and counting…...

That's a real gem, NicPink!
The best i'v ehad was 'Mummy will soon get you off of that and onto proper milk' From a haelth visitor to Vicky when she was 10months old after I whipped one out to feed…. I gave her an earfull (we'd just moved and I was feeling alittle stressed, not knowing anyone in the area!) and they never came back. Vicky only had her 2yr check as I phoned and reminded them…

tip of the week - scary gets rid of HV's!

I've just remembered a dreadful midwife that came to visit me after my first was born.  She was pretty elderly and two days after I came home from hospital, she arrived (late) and tripped up over some nappy changing equipment that had been left on the floor and then complained that I hadn't cleaned up the house!!!  She then commented on my boobs, saying that I would probably have difficulties as she reckoned that one of my nipples was flat (????) and was very picky over my nappy changing technique.  To cap it all, she insisted that I was depressed as I was at home on my own, my husband being at work (but coming back each lunchtime) and my mum working too and everything I said to reassure her that I was not depressed and actually enjoying sitting with my new baby listening to the radio was met with disbelief!  By the time she left, I was so upset, I rang mum up and howled down the 'phone, "She says I'm depressed!!!!!!!!!!"!!  I was determined that when my second was born, I wouldn't let her over the threshold, but fortunately, I never saw her again, presumably she had retired.  Every midwife I've had since has been lovely so goodness knows how she slipped the net.

My worst health visitor experience was when one came to the house to give my ds his two-year check up.  My other children were in the room and she commented how nice and chatty and friendly they all were and all went well ...........UNTIL she asked did they enjoy school and was told that they were home educated.  After that, all her questions were concerning their social skills and two weeks later, I received a letter from the LEA.  She was the third midwife to totally misdiagnose oral thrush, luckily I had a breastfeeding friend who spotted it instead. 

Recently, we had a health visitor come to check my youngest and I was very apprehensive, but she was lovely, not sure how good at the job she was though, she spent most of her time talking about a past boyfriend whom my DH happened to know!   ;D  Best health visitor I've ever had!!

Home educating Mammy to DD aged 13, DS aged 12, DS aged 10, DD aged 7, DD aged 3 and DS aged 2 weeks!!  grin
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I'm sure you're nipples, flat or otherwise, are lovely, WH.
x

My worst advice was to give formula milk 'top-ups' to my twins after every breastfeed because they weren't gaining weight fast enough!  ??? I still breastfed them until they were nearly a year old, but I certainly didn't make that mistake again when I had my singleton two years later.

Lizzie

[quote author=EarthMummie link=topic=409.msg4826#msg4826 date=1189338561]
I'm sure you're nipples, flat or otherwise, are lovely, WH.
x

Haven't had any complaints!   ;D 

Seriously though, the old bat only peered over my shoulder and I managed to feed fourth baby for 20 months, so can't be so badly deformed!!

Home educating Mammy to DD aged 13, DS aged 12, DS aged 10, DD aged 7, DD aged 3 and DS aged 2 weeks!!  grin
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Yes, there's more to delivering babies than jus the medical stuff, it's all the hormones and the worries and fear of the parents that midwives ought to take into account too.  You've reminded me of when my first was born, I was such a novice that the morning after she was born, I rang my little bell because every other mum on the ward was 'doing something' with their baby and mine was fast asleep (Pethedine -  ::)).  So, a nurse came and asked me if this was my first baby, to which I answered that it was and she told me "Listen love, if the baby's sleeping, you just leave them alone, they'll let you know when they want something."  This made a lot of sense so I followed her advice.  Anyway, during the night, I was awoken by a very young and cross midwife who told me that she'd just had to bath my baby (babies were kept in the nursery at night time) because she was so covered in Meconium and that I really ought to take better care of her.  Well, she might as well have accused me of abuse because after that, any confidence that I'd mustered during the day just disappeared and I spent the rest of the night in tears, having to pretend to other midwives that commented on my sniffing that I had a cold.  It was terrible!

When I was finally allowed home, after four days of having my boobs manhandled many times in vain attempts to establish breastfeeding, I can remember just watching the baby in her moses basket next to me and realising that despite the prescribed amount of blankets, she felt very cold to the touch, so I brought her in bed with me and cuddled her all night.  That was the first time I realised that maybe I wasn't such an incompetent wreck and that I was cabable of making decisions for my baby that were right.  But midwives and doctors and all the health professionals ought to be aware that pregnancy and birth need sensitivity always and that some mums just aren't that confident but none the less willing to learn.   :-[

Home educating Mammy to DD aged 13, DS aged 12, DS aged 10, DD aged 7, DD aged 3 and DS aged 2 weeks!!  grin
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I don't think anything prepares you for your first baby.  During my pregnancy with my first, I read just about everything I could get my paws on and felt like I really was prepared, but boy, when it's just you and the baby and no manual or instructions or volume control knob and your DH, although trying to be suportive, sort of hopes that you, as the woman, have all the answers!  It is very scary!!  Saying that, I've met some first time mums who are soooo confident and just seem to breeze it, so maybe it was just me! 

I don't know what anyone else thinks, but the system that the midwives and HVs had when I had my children wasn't very helpful.  My baby's little red books are full of "Mrs xx is concerned about ...................." and then they'd write what advice they'd given me, so looking back, I came across as a right neurotic mother and stopped asking questions for fear of looking incompetent!!  Sometimes, you just want a kindly word and someone to treat you normally, rather than treating you like a case study as after giving birth and spending time in a hospital, you start to wonder if life will ever feel normal again!   :-\

Home educating Mammy to DD aged 13, DS aged 12, DS aged 10, DD aged 7, DD aged 3 and DS aged 2 weeks!!  grin
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One of the best ones was from my own mother who said I was spoiling my newborn baby and making a rod for my own back by feeding her on demand!!!!  Needless to say, she didn't breastfeed me  ::)

Dont get me started on what HV's write in the little red book!  DD had (normal) milk rash on her face, and because it was a bit red HV wanted me to put steroid cream on an 8 week old!!!! I was treating it with camomile tea solution (and a bit of breast milk  ;D) and wasn't bothering DD, so when I refused said steroid cream they wrote in my book, "DD face VERY sore, mother refuses treatment!" It cleared up all by itself a week or so later!

Also on the BF front my HV positively discouraged it, despite the fact that DD gained between 2 and 6oz most weeks, because I refused to give her a bottle they referred me to a dietition, who promptly told me they were stupid and that my healthy bouncing baby was fine!

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