Issue 90 is out now

Welcome to The Green Parent Forum

A place where you can chat to like-minded parents, form new friendships, share ideas, events and recipes. Use the search tool to find a wealth of information from the past 10 years of forum discussions. Register today and become part of our supportive community.

I'm torn!
My dd has been at school for 2 years and she tolerates it. She has good days and not so good days. Nothing 'bad' is happening; she is popular, intelligent, has friends etc, so I know there is nothing untoward going on there.

She just feels that she would rather be at home with me (and tbh, at the age of 6 I don't blame her).

She has been asking me about home ed, but I have several reservations:

i) she is an only child and I think she would miss her friends (although she claims not and doesn't ask to see friends much out of school)
ii) my biggest challenge is that *I* am not sociable. I am an introvert and prefer my own company.
iii) we argue a lot if I am trying to show her stuff she doesn't know LOL!
iv) I realy don't know if I want to devote my time and attention to this.

I think my personality lends itself more to unschooling, but I also get depression which means that sometimes I just need to be left well alone and I fear this could be isolating for dd.
Also, I'm just getting used to be 'starchild' and not 'dd's mummy'; I have my own interests and thing that i do during the day, so I wonder if I'm too selfish to have her at home all the time??
If I were outgoing with an interest in meeting people I think we could work it, but my personality coupled with her not having siblings at home is a concern.
She is a child who seems to prefer adult company, but I'm not sure this is terribly healthy.

I'm just rambling really and hopeing to unravel a few thoughts as I go, but any comments are welcome  smile
Gosh, reading back I sound like a right b**** !!

Confused,
Starchild x

I help your customers find you on Google. Website design | SEO | Social Media | PR | Author

“Internet marketing solutions that transform your online business”: http://gloucestershirewebdesigns.co.uk/

Connect with me on Twitter: https://twitter.com/Raestrauss

Find me on LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/rachellestrauss

LETS member 35

Hi Starchild

No, you don't sound a right b**** at all, just very honest, you've obviously thought about it a lot.  My advice to you would be to contact one of the home education groups.  My personal favourite is HEAS, but as EO is the biggest, it would be a good place to start.  Once you join, you are given a list of members in your area and the list will show you how many children each family are home educating.  If the families are on the list, it means they are happy to be contacted by another member, so you could start there, by seeing how others 'do it'.  (you don't need to be home educating to join them).  Your trouble is, you're obviously too darn interesting and your little girl wants to be with you.     ;D

To help with the other points you make -

Firstly, in my opinion, school does not make sociable children - parents do.  They learn how mum and dad deal with people on a daily basis and this provides their role model for how do deal with social situations.  So, if you are a friendly person, she will copy.

Secondly, I am terribly unsociable!!  My dh says I'm the most unsociable person he knows!  It's not that I have a problem with going out or meeting people, I just love my own company and doing stuff on my own.  Your little girl may have inherited this too, you know, but learning to love your own company and find things to amuse yourself in the absense of others is a very valuable tool in life.  Like I said, so long as you're a friendly type and not hiding yourself away, your little girl will become sociable too.

The time you devote is not remotely like the time spent at school.  If you educated your child for the same amount of hours it would be at school, you'd probably fry it's brain as one-to-one tuition is very different to learning in a group.  It's much more time-efficient and you don't need to spend the same amount of time to get the learning accross.  The amount of 'work' you'd do with your child would be totally tailored to you and your little girl, some parents choose to be very structured and others totally autonomous, it is entirely up to you and as my last LEA visit proved, children learn so much even when you do very little with them!   smile

My children don't go to any HE group now.  Our local one closed down and prior to that, I stopped going as it was too cliquey and the children weren't really getting anything out of it.  The three eldest go to a lovely little art club on a Saturday morning and my eldest has a piano lesson once a week and that is their regular socialisation.  However, we met a lovely family about 20 minutes away and fortunately, she is as fond of her own company as I am and so we meet up probably once a month.  You'd know yourself if your little girl was missing other children, some children need lots of company, others need more time to themselves.

Your own needs are very important and only you know if you could home educate your little girl.  My home edding friend really, really NEEDS her part-time job.  Before that, she was restless and unhappy and now, just with a few hours to herself each week, she is absolutely glowing and her children benefit, could you do something like that, so that you didn't lose your identity completely?

Hope this has been helpful.  Better go now as the pizza delivery man has just come and I am starving.  Guilt, guilt, luvverly guilt for not dishing up something nutritious and for spending day reading up about water births instead of being creative.   ::)

Home educating Mammy to DD aged 13, DS aged 12, DS aged 10, DD aged 7, DD aged 3 and DS aged 2 weeks!!  grin
_______________________________________________________
MY ETSY SHOP!
http://www.etsy.com/shop/pipdor?ref=si_shopl

[quote author=starchild link=topic=440.msg5090#msg5090 date=1189686472]
She is a child who seems to prefer adult company, but I'm not sure this is terribly healthy.

Probably because to her adult company makes more sense.  I can remember being at school and it was all 'boys, boys, boys' and I was still wanting to play with toys and make up imaginery games, so the children I played with were more 'grown up' than the adults and it felt quite isolating.

One other thought while I remember, just because your child is at home all day, doesn't mean you can't get on with your usual stuff.  My interests are gardening, painting, playing the piano, writing, wildlife studying, reading and none of these are hampered in any way by my children.  If I'm gardening, they like to play in the garden too, every so often showing me something they've made etc.  If I'm reading I ask them to leave me to be peaceful and they respect that, likewise, when they are busy reading, I leave them alone!  80% of our education is through them just being around me and learning the things I do.  I don't ever feel like my freedom is compromised at all. 

I suppose asking your little girl what in particular she likes about the idea of home education and why she thinks this would be nicer than being in school would be useful.  After that, you could look into the idea of clubs etc that she might like to join so you don't worry about her socialisation with other children. 

Very best of luck with your decisions! 

Home educating Mammy to DD aged 13, DS aged 12, DS aged 10, DD aged 7, DD aged 3 and DS aged 2 weeks!!  grin
_______________________________________________________
MY ETSY SHOP!
http://www.etsy.com/shop/pipdor?ref=si_shopl

Hi Starchild

I know I'm new to home educating, but even after a week I know it's the best decision I ever made  ;D.  I totally agree with Wodgehog about everything she said.  In this last week I have been much more relaxed and happier and the kids seem much happier (and they were not unhappy in school).  We are doing more unschooling rather than schooling except for maths and english and the kids don't even realise they are learning.  It's great. 

‘If we did the things we are capable of doing, we would literally astound ourselves’  Thomas Edison

http://www.handmadehaven.co.uk  www.shellscrafting.blogspot.com   http://www.myhandmadehaven.blogspot.com

[quote author=Queenie link=topic=440.msg5172#msg5172 date=1189801186]
Home-eding is a big commitment and its got to be what is right for all of you - good luck with whatever you decide, and don't beat yourself up if you decide not to do it xx

Totally agree with this!  I know there'd be some who would say that home education is the best, but I've also met children who were happier at school.  My neice really loves school and gets a lot out of it, so home education most certainly isn't a 'cure-all'.  Your own personal happiness is just as important too, home education wouldn't work if you felt you were missing out yourself and it's not selfish, it's respecting who you are and your needs. 

I agree too about the value of adult socialisation and of socialising with children of all ages.  None of my friends now are the same age as me, so if we had been at school together, I'd have never had a chance to know them because of the age streaming. 

In the beginning, I did use to worry about socialisation, even though there were siblings to play with, but the children have found friends along the way, through home educating and also their various interests.  They meet up with their cousin and they enjoy chatting with the adults at my husband's work place and I feel that they get a good variety of people to meet and learn from.  I worry a bit about my eldest, she's 9 and hasn't really any girl friends.  I've talked to her about this, but she says she's not bothered and likes to play with the younger chidren who sometimes come here to play.  She lives in a little world of her own sometimes, making up stories and drawing dragons and animals and reading and she seems extremely happy and I hope I'd know if she wasn't.  We met a few home educated girls of similar age, but they had nothing in common with my DD and were more streetwise and fashion conscious and my DD is just not at that stage yet, so that didn't really work out.  She has made a few friends at the local art club, all of whom go to school, but it doesn't seem to matter, they have a shared interest in a love of drawing and that seems to be the most important bond.

Like I said before, if you wanted to test the idea without committing yourself, by joining one of the HE groups, you could meet up with other home educators in your area, regardless of whether your little girl was being home educated or not and that would give you a feel of who else was home educating in your area and how you liked them before committing yourself. 

It took me a long time to decide to home educate my children, lots of reading and questioning and meeting other home educators (some of whom put me off to start with!!), so it's certainly not an easy decision and whatever you decide, the overall happiness of you and your DD will determine what is the right decision.  Best of luck, hope we've been some help and that I haven't rambled too much.   ::)

 

 

Home educating Mammy to DD aged 13, DS aged 12, DS aged 10, DD aged 7, DD aged 3 and DS aged 2 weeks!!  grin
_______________________________________________________
MY ETSY SHOP!
http://www.etsy.com/shop/pipdor?ref=si_shopl

Like Shell I am very new to HEing but I have so say that so far I am just loving it.

[quote author=starchild link=topic=440.msg5090#msg5090 date=1189686472]
I'm torn!
My dd has been at school for 2 years and she tolerates it. She has good days and not so good days. Nothing 'bad' is happening; she is popular, intelligent, has friends etc, so I know there is nothing untoward going on there.

She just feels that she would rather be at home with me (and tbh, at the age of 6 I don't blame her).

This is exactly the same as me, my girls are all very popular at school and didn't have any real problems but at the end of the day is that good enough. We are still having contact with all their school friends and have now made some new ones at our HE group. Their childhood is so precious and so short that I have felt that to hold onto that for a few more years is ok.

I think the thing to do is go with your gut. I too have been on medication for anxiety and depression but so far I have felt really great. The routine totally suits me and for the first time in years I feel as if I am exactly where I should be.

Good luck with your decision and just remember it IS YOUR decision. XX

 

Hi,

I think one more thing that is important to note when looking at home education is this - whatever decision you take it doesn't have to be forever!

I took my single daughter out of school about last Christmas when she was 5 because she was really miserable  at that particular school.  We home educated for 2 terms & had a lovely time together. I felt she had lots of social time with other children and adults at various HE groups & after school clubs. I also managed to continue my freelance work at home (albeit on a very part time basis - but you really don't have to give up your own life totally).

However, she then decided she would like to go back to school (but to a different one). So, this term she's done just that - it's early days but so far she's very happy at her new school. That said, I would be quite prepared to home educate again if that's what she decides she prefers.

So don't feel that you have to make a decision to home ed & then stick to it for the next 10 years come what may. You could give it go and see how it works out for the two of you. Your daughter can always return to school when she's older if HE doesn't suit. The most important thing is that you're both happy with whatever you choose to do.

Good luck

Share this with friends

Recent Posts