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I have a situation that I don't know how to handle.

Dd had a friend over this afternoon- she lives over the road. We don't really 'know' the family but they are friendly and always stop to say hello to us. The girl loves being here and I usually have to send her home after she has been here for about 5 hours.
I've always felt she was a really nice girl, who compliments dd well - they never argue and they play well together.

They went upstairs to play today and dd took her tooth fairy money with her (2 twenty pences and 2 ten pences). Anyway 15 minutes later, the girl comes into the dining room and tells me she is going home. She's at the door when dd comes down and says 'xxxxx, do you have the 2 twenty pences out of my money box? You were counting them last and now I can't find them anywhere'.

The next thing I hear is the front door close.

Dd is upset that she has lost this money. I went upstairs with her and checked her room. As it happened, I had tidied it a couple of days ago, so we could do a thorough check. The money has clearly gone and it is obvious where it has gone to.

My feeling was to go over the road later and speak very non-confrontatnioanlly with the parents. Don't get me wrong, dd is no angel and she has stolen in the past - a cadburys creme egg no less  ;D from a shop - I made her take it back and apologise to the shop owner. I think that *most* kids steal something in their lives, otherwise how do they get to learn what it feels like and that it's wrong?

So, I really make no judgment on this girl, BUT I would like to deal with it and get it explained to her that this money is 'special'. dd doesn't get pocket money, and this money is for her first tooth, so it's kinda really special money LOL!

Dh came down and when I explained things to him said in no uncertain terms that xxx was not welcome in the house again. Unfortunately he said this infront of dd. I should have spoken to him later when we were on our own, as I don't necessarily feel this is the best option. Up until this point, dd and this girl were good friends and, as I said, this little girl is nice.

Where do you think I should go from here?

Starchild x


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LETS member 35

humm diffcult one. Perhaps taking dd over to xxx's house with you and asking if she rembers where it was put, or rembers seeing it/leaving it anywhere? That might be the 'pressure' to make her confess - which means her parents can't take offence at you insinuating their daughter is a theif.

Lets us know how it all turns out..

I  think the little girl who took the money would probably be quite upset if you explained to her. I think it would be sad to stop them playing together or to have her at the house again. I am pretty sure most kids have taken the odd pennies when they think no one will notice and obviously it needs to be stressed that this is wrong. Give her another chance.


i like the idea of asking her if she knows where she put it, and explaining about it being a gift to your daughter from the tooth fairies, and your daughter is upset - this would hopefully help her to understand the consequences of her actions, and help her experience what guilt feels like, then hopefully she will feel compassionate enough to own up.
maybe it will also be subtle enough that her parents might understand what you 'could' mean, and ask her themselves when you have left.

hope it goes well smile

It's sounds like she's taken it, but on the other hand, it would be awful to give her the feeling that you suspect her if she hasn't, especially in the absence of hard proof.  Maybe watch the little girls' behaviour from now on, persuade your dd to keep all her valuables in a safe place (another room maybe) as I think if she has taken the money, her behaviour in your house may change as she might realise what she's done and feel guilty and ashamed.  I wonder if she has the tooth fairy in her house, do you think it was the fact that the money had been given by magical means (maybe something that doesn't happen in her house) that was the lure, rather than the value of the coins themselves?  Good luck, wouldn't want to be in your position, very tricky.

Home educating Mammy to DD aged 13, DS aged 12, DS aged 10, DD aged 7, DD aged 3 and DS aged 2 weeks!!  grin

What does your daughter think she should do?

In the end, this is a great learning opportunity for her about values and friendship and deciding how she wants to handle an awkward situation. When my kids have faced similar challenges, I've been there for them to talk to, have let the other parent know that there's a conflict situation and what it is, and waited to see what happens when the boys sort things out themselves, and four out of five times the possessions have been accidentally found at the bottom of a bag and restored some time later without loss of face. We've also had horrible horrible scenes where something was brought home from someone's house "by accident" and they didn't want to give it back, which took a lot of hard thinking for the child concerned. It's generally a minefield anyhow.

How do you feel about your daughter showing her money so openly to someone she won't be sharing it with?

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