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LO is 3y 4m now and his language and comprehension are both pretty poor for his age.  Only I can understand him, he doesn’t talk in more than 2 word sentences which are mainly a word with ‘more’ or ‘better’ or something in front of it.  He can’t understand complex sentences, but can understand simple ones.

A problem which I am starting to wonder about is the knock on effect on other areas of his development.  With my others we ‘toilet trained’ by basically having a little discussion about being old enough to go on the toilet and they started using the toilet between 2 and 3 (should have been older for Ds1).  Same for going into their own bed.  We just talked about it and they went into their beds of their own accord between 2 and 3 years of age.

The problem is that we can’t have these discussions and any time I mention it he seems terrified and starts yelling ‘no, no, no’ so of course I don’t mention it any more. 

Yesterday at the HE group we were trying to have a meeting afterwards and all the other children were playing happily outside and in the other room, including younger children than him, and he was screaming continuously until I had to leave early because nothing else was helping.  He doesn’t seem to understand as much as I would expect at his age….

I am starting to feel like others are seeing him and judging him, seeing him in nappies, still in our bed, without good language skills, unable to make himself understood and basically having the behaviour of a younger child and am starting to wonder if there is something ‘wrong’ with him or is he just a late developer and most of his problems are down to lack of speech.  If so, there is not a lot we can do but wait for it to come on…..

Anyway, any similar experiences, ideas or anything?

Thx
B
xx

Mummy to four little ones

Hmm, it’s difficult to know, isn’t it? My DS has excellent communication skills (although he was a relatively ‘late’ talker at over 2 years) and he had a similar reaction to little talks about using the toilet and such things. IN fact, he still has that hysterical reaction to anything that might imply he’s growing up as he’s decided he doesn’t want to grow up and isn;t going to - this includes stopping feeding, going in his own bed or even getting taller. I found this baffling (DD can’t wait to grow up!), but talking to other parents, found that most people had or had known a child who had this aversion to growing up. Maybe this could be part of it with your son? It’s hard to tell though without him being able to explain.
As you say, you expect them to understand a fair amount at that age even if they can’t articulate things for themselves. Is it a lack of understanding or maybe a lack of hearing? Have you ever had his hearing tested?
3 is still very young, but as a mother you do ahve an instinct about your children - do you think deep down that there is ‘something wrong’?

Liz grin x

Druid, boat-dwelling, home educating mum of DD1 (11), Aspie DS (9) and baby DD2 (2), & part-time step-mum to 2 stepdaughters, 9 and 7.

Still-no-new-keyboard-sorry.Just-to-say-that-my-ds2-is-3yr-9mo-and-is-totally-NOT-interested-in-potty-training-at-all.I-know-what-you-mean-about-feeling-judged-but-at-the-end-of-the-day-they-will-do-it-in-their-own-time.He-is-quite-full-on-too-advanced-in-many-ways-but-terribly-young-in-others.—I-don’t-think-he-knows-child-dev-is-supposed-to-be-a-science.—LOL!
Hugs
Jo

Home edding, bfing, cloth nappying, baby wearing, container veg growing, vegetarian, Jesus loving mom to 4 lovely boys aged 9, almost 5, 22 months and a newbie born 2/5/10.
http://www.joc4jesus.blogspot.com

DS2 had glue ear, which we only discovered when it ruptured his ear drums, as he has a very high pain threshold.  The knock-on effect (as it wasn’t severe enough for grommits) was delayed speech.  I’m trying to think back as to what he could do at particular ages, certainly at just 3 he was saying things like “uh-uh bis” which meant, no biscuit.  By the time we got speech therapy for him (just approaching 4) he had the language of a just three year old, with much distortion to his speech.  He started school unable to make himself understood :(

He has always seemed delayed in many things, and seems young for his age.  He is only just reliable with getting to the toilet (at nearly 8), gets upset easily about things being scary or naughty, and we keep shocking ourselves with the thought he is going to be 8 soon, he seems to have stuck at 5 in our heads for a long time!  He is physically very small too, I don’t know whether all this has any relevance, or whether it is just him. 

I would get your son seen by a speech therapist though, as it must be so frustrating not being able to express yourself easily, and it will ultimately knock his confidence.  They have drop-in speech therapy sessions in our area, where if you have any concerns you can go see a speech therapist, and they will see if there is any need for intervention.

DS1 was a late talker and was diagnosed with glue ear and hearing problems later on.  I asked the HV to refer him to a SALT when he was three-ish, and she said his comprehension was above average for his age and not to worry too much.  That said he does have severe dyslexia and gets a lot of support at school and when he uses the help he does soooo well academically - yesterday he topped the class in maths.  He is sitting his fianl exams this year and is on the brink of studying chemistry at university in the Autumn.  His main problem is that he still sees it as a stigma and that he is being judged, so he plays down the help he needs, so we are working on that - maybe if we had started working on it earlier he would not feel so uncomfortable with it. 
I know what you mean about feeling judged etc.  After DS2’s accident, it was noticed that he has a left sided weakness. We had obviously noticed that a long time ago, but as it wasn’t too bad I was working on it myself - physio, massage etc.  Now is has been noticed ‘officially’ the possiblility of CP has been raised.  We are determined not to fall in to the system, as I am convinced it is a developmental delay and he does not need the label.  However, my confidence did take a bit of a knock after the fracture, and Ibegan to wonder if others noticed his weakness…. Anyway it will work out fine and the ‘professionals’ don’t really have much to offer.  You might want to take him to a SLT and find out what you could be dealing with if there is a problem, and then you can access any information you need to help him.  Hugs to you xxx

I was going to suggest getting his hearing tested. It was one of the things I had to look out for in children with less developed speech when I worked as a nursery nurse. It could just be he is developing in his own time.

Home edding, non vaccinating, vegetarian, family.
Trust Love Truth Intuition Adventure Harmony smile smile smile

Hello all and thanks.

We have had SALT but there is not any more they can do at the moment….  He has had a hearing test that was fine, and i’ve tried the whispering ‘chocolate’ thing and I don’t think he has a problem with that.

This probably seems silly but I used to say that I didn’t want him to grow up and wanted him to stay a baby and now I keep thinking that he somehow ‘knows’ this… yes, that does sound crazy LOL!!  I even whispered to him the other day that I didn’t mind him growing up just in case it was that!!

I keep thinking that we’ll be able to tell how his development is once his speech catches up but it’s just coming on so slowly and time is just ticking past.  I think deep down I don’t think there is anything ‘wrong’ with him but then I am so ‘take it as it comes’ that I think I miss things.  I mean, when he started dislocating his joints I just popped them back in for 18 months before I thought I should see someone about it!!!  That’s ridiculous!!!  What was I thinking???  I just didn’t feel it was an issue before it started happening 3or 4 times a day and was causing problems yet of course it wasn’t ‘normal’.  So, am wondering if ‘other’ mothers would be getting him seen to/assessed and i’m just being too laid back again…

B
xx

Mummy to four little ones

I suppose the other thing is that there is a lot of talk about a link between the condition he has and autism/aspergers/dyspraxia so I am also thinking about that too but again, don’t think any of his issues points to those things but maybe am wrong about that?

B
xx

Mummy to four little ones

I don’t think you are being laid back Lk.  I think you know your child and know when something needs more attention or help.  I did feel a bit stupid when HPs were asking about DS’s poor fine motor movement in his left hand - and ‘hasn’t it been picked up?  Have you asked any one about it?” etc - but not for very long, as I realised I was doing everything and more that they could provide - without the hassle of trooping in and out of pointless clinics.  My intuition is that he will gain more fine movement over time, and while he may not have the rugby ball handling skills of his older brother, he wo’t be held back to any significant degree.
Maybe start treating him as if he was grown up iykwim - talk to him about potty training and sleep the way you did with his sibs - and act as if you think he understands ( sorry - stopped making sense now) xxx

leikima - 01 May 2009 04:27 PM

I suppose the other thing is that there is a lot of talk about a link between the condition he has and autism/aspergers/dyspraxia so I am also thinking about that too but again, don’t think any of his issues points to those things but maybe am wrong about that?

B
xx

I am starting to feel like others are seeing him and judging him, seeing him in nappies, still in our bed, without good language skills, unable to make himself understood and basically having the behaviour of a younger child and am starting to wonder if there is something ‘wrong’ with him or is he just a late developer and most of his problems are down to lack of speech.  If so, there is not a lot we can do but wait for it to come on…..

I can relate to everything you have mentioned. My LO is autistic, he’s 4y 2m+ and it all started with his lack of speech. We had his hearing tested and it was perfect. So we went through the proccess of speech therepy and everything that goes with it all and finaly got a diagnosis. We started the process when he was just over 2, he was diagnosed just before he was 3.
hes just turned 4 now and he still can’t speak. Has no comprehension of language, his vocabulary is extremely limited, he can say things but it’s copying. He came up to me the other day, babbled a load of gibberish and then said quite clearly “I kill you”. He’s copied it from his favourite disney cartoon “the emperor’s new groove”, he’s no idea what it means.

Only I can understand him, he doesn’t talk in more than 2 word sentences which are mainly a word with ‘more’ or ‘better’ or something in front of it.  He can’t understand complex sentences, but can understand simple ones.

I would be over the moon if Aston could use even 2 word sentances. He can understand 2 word commands, he can just about comprehend and respond to “get beaker”, “change nappy”, “night-night times”, “trousers on” etc. but he can’t construct sentences.

He’s still in nappies as “toilet training” is just not happening, we’ve been at it since he was 2, sitting on the loo just freaks him out.
He still sleeps in our room, and won’t settle on his own. we have to get him to go to sleep on the sofa downstairs which takes upto an hour, then carry him up to bed. If he wakes up alone it’s sheer hell.

He still has a pushchair as he refuses to walk on the reigns or wrist strap and won’t hold hands. He just wants to run off, he sees the open space and “vuum” he’s gone.

Autistic kids don’t like change. So things like moving into their own beds and rooms, going on a toilet, being left alone even if your in the next room, busy situations like nursery, lots of people, lots of traffic and noise just overwhelms them, they get a sensory overload and can’t cope with it. I was so worried about having no3. It kept me awake at night, the fear that Aston would hurt the baby because he didn’t have the understanding of what a baby is, I was affraid he’d see it as a toy. I was affraid baby crying would overload Aston’s senses. But Aston is just a star with his little brother, completely opposite to what I had pictured. He’s gentle and loving, and loves to help when I change baby’s nappy. If baby cries he goes up to him and says “what matter baby” then shrugs and says “I don’t know” and walks off. These are the only 2 complex sentences he says and the only real comrehesion of a situation he has…oh and “what doin baby”.

The thing with autism is that it’s called the Autistic Spectrum because there are so many levels and it affects kids differently at different stages in life. At this moment in time Aston is greatly affected by it. But as he gets older it could affect him less, it might stay the same, it could get worse.

Hope this helps a bit. and if you want to, PM me for more details.

good luck
Claz

Thank you for all that info Clazbear - it’s really useful to hear from you. 

Sam has started saying ‘don’t like it’ now which is an improvement!  I also walked past the toilet and saw that he had put the little seat insert into the toilet seat, pulled his nappy down and climbed on.  I said ‘are you going to the toilet Sam?’ and he screamed and so I had to walk off quickly and act like I hadn’t seen anything grin  He didn’t do anything and hasn’t done it since, but good to know he’s curious about it!

I don’t think he’s autistic or has dyspraxia.  I think in my heart of hearts I think he’s just a late developer, but time will tell I guess grin

B
xx

Mummy to four little ones

All children develop differently, it’s what makes us all unique! My MIL tells me that habby barely spoke until he was almost 4, and now he is doing a PhD so it didn’t harm him educationally! I blathered like anything as a child but my cousin (brought up by same grandmother) mainly spoke like a cavegirl until she went to nursery. You’re right, only time will tell.

leikima - 01 May 2009 06:36 AM

I am starting to feel like others are seeing him and judging him, seeing him in nappies, still in our bed, without good language skills, unable to make himself understood and basically having the behaviour of a younger child and am starting to wonder if there is something ‘wrong’ with him or is he just a late developer and most of his problems are down to lack of speech.  If so, there is not a lot we can do but wait for it to come on…..

Anyway, any similar experiences, ideas or anything?

I am sure the best is yet to come.

I can understand how you feel and it is a shame that the public can be so judgemental without knowing what we [parents] face on a daily basis.

My daughter is 11 years old, still in nappies and has no speech.

My youngest, Joel, is five now, but he was exactly the same. He had speech therapy (for what it was worth). I noticed a huge gap between him and his peers, an so did everyone else. He really didn’t say anything till he was 3 an then it was 1 or 2 words. He never spoke when spoken to, or interacted with other children. I was so worried as my older boy was very articulate. He had re-accurrant ear infections but I thought the problem must go deeper. He had dreadful temper tantrums, and was the youngest in the school year (august) so school was very stressful, as he started when he was 4. The school was extremely supportive and its only now as he has turned 5 that I can see a huge difference. He sings, chats, interacts with others and is a joy to be around. I really thought that he would never do these things, as silly as that sounds. It was as if someone turn the light on and he started to become aware of his enviroment. Stay strong an don’t let it get you down. All children develop at different speeds. joels may still be a bit behind but when they have come such along way it doesn’t matter. Someone said to me once ’ they will grow up despite what you do!’ and of course they were right.
              Love and Light:)

Just for today, do not anger.
Just for today, do not worry.
Just for today, be kind to yourself and others.
Just for today, work hard.
Just for today, be grateful.

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