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This morning I was leaving for work and it was suddenly very traumatic. At the sight of me going Sam hung onto my arm, became hysterical with tears rolling down his cheeks begging me ‘stop leaving me, stop leaving me’ and ‘don’t go loudy work’ (he associates anything he doesn’t like with being loud).
He was holding on so strongly to my arm and hanging on to my neck and crying and crying. It was so upsetting. After trying all the usual things to calm him down I ended up having to physically extricate myself from him and just leaving with him screaming and crying.
I was so upset afterwards, and since I got home he has been very clingy - understandably.
I had to go against every instinct in my body and it just felt wrong the whole 3 hours that I was away. Worse still, I am working again tonight :-(
A close friend phoned, but that upset me further as she basically said that he’d have to get used to not being with me sometime and that if I had have ‘given in’ that would take longer. I feel that she thinks I have made Sam how he is, and that if I’d been ‘harder’ with him earlier he would be fine now. However I know this is not true. Normally I feel like live and let live and I know him best and so on, but today it just upset me more.
Sam’s slept appallingly the last 4 nights and is shattered, I am in hormonal PMT time and feeling a little emotional anyway compounded by exhaustion from the last few nights and now this has just made me feel awful. If it wasn’t for dh and our situation I would resign this second without another thought, and just look after Sam myself which is what would be best for us all.
Ah. Don’t know why I’m posting all this - just to speak to people who won’t be judgemental and think it’s a rod I’ve made for my own back/all my own fault and might be a little more sympathetic.
Mummy to four little ones
**hugs**, **hugs** and yet more **hugs** (and virtual sink into a chocolate coma chocolate brownies )
Oh dear, its awful isn’t it. I use to dread dropping Rye off at my first childminder when I was working full time because he would start to cry as soon as I pulled up outside of her house :(
There’s nothing to suggest really - when finances dictate that you have to work there isn’t really anything one can say because you don’t have a choice. I use to hand Rye over as quickly as possible, but then the childminder did say that once he was indoors and playing with the kiddies he was fine, but if I stayed trying to hug him and tell him I won’t be long, that he’d have fun etc he’d just get more worked up. Whether you thik a similar approach would work with Sam, is something only you know
Oh poor you, how awful. I ahve no suggestions to make, I’m afraid, but I can reassure you that you haven’t ‘amde’ him like anything. He is how he is and that’s that. You have been responsive to that and that’s why he expects you to continue to be so. So far, so good, it’s just when you *have* to go that there’s a problem. My DS was similar until fairly recently. I think he was almost 4 before he really accepted me going out without him and even now he won;t be left in the evenings. Luckily, I work from home, so that’s not a problem, or I would be in your situation.
Did you manage to sort the home ed group dilemma?
Druid, boat-dwelling, home educating mum of DD1 (11), Aspie DS (9) and baby DD2 (2), & part-time step-mum to 2 stepdaughters, 9 and 7.
I haven’t got anything helpful to offer, but just wanted to say I really feel for you. Hope it’s easier this evening. xx
I think you hit the nail on the head when you said it went agaisnt all your instincts, it can feel actually like a physical wrench sometimes. It is incredibly hard to leave when they’re that upset but there are just those times when you absolutely have to do it. It’s certainly not your fault that your little boy is demonstrating his love, trust and attachment to you.
Thank you for your replies, I am feeling better today though still churned up inside about yesterday. I went to work last night and when I got back and was putting Sam in bed he kept asking ‘no go work?’ and I just feel so furious with myself as well as upset.
I am in a bit of a quandary as if my dh moves out as planned then I will need to earn an income and work to provide for us, and if he doesn’t then he is opposed to me not working as we need the money. In my heart I think we could muddle along without my meagre earnings but it would be more of a struggle. I feel like I am getting messages loud and clear from Sam and myself about what I need to do yet am ignoring them… argh!
HE group situation - still ongoing. I am doing a 1 hr activity 3 weeks out of 4 and no more and that has helped a little. We have a mum now who spends a lot of time playing with him and a new older boy who loves playing trains with Sam and that keeps him happier for longer. We have also had a few weeks off. All of these things have made things a little easier, but as yet it is unresolved. I have decided that if he continues not wanting to attend then I will give up running activities completely and see if that improves things. If not I will have to make an arrangement to attend for only half the day which he can cope with.
I have a GP appointment tomorrow to discuss getting an assessment/diagnosis so I will keep you posted.
Mummy to four little ones
We’ll be thinking of you here. I’m sure many mothers feel similar wrenches about making time to work (I’ve been there too of course and have good and bad days with that) still. I remember one momentous week when I mistook a rash babes had for an allergy and too her to childcare three days for a short time. She seemed really quite perky, and the staff thought so, but on every single day that week I ‘forgot’ her sandwiches (my sub-conscious telling me something was up) and sure enough after three days it developed into a viral rash…
It’s a real issue when you may not be certain of an income in the family for whatever reason and have to do paid work outside the home (all mums do unpaid work at home, obviously, anyway). It sounds like you’re doing really well. Pat yourself on the back for all that emotional, creative, imaginative, practical, future-building work that you’re doing. No one else will. (Well maybe apart from close friends and us lot on here, of course…)
Oh Becky, Im really sorry to hear that things are tough :(
Do let us know how you got on at the doctors, and remember Im always here if you need to talk,
Big loves xx