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http://blogs.mirror.co.uk/dear-miriam/2009/10/why-were-too-ready-to-call-peo.html

Crunchy hippy vegan mama to four gorgeous boys. Formerly known as bettywobble smile

Blogging again at http://lilpidgesblogspot.blogspot.co.uk/

The bosom of the Mother is the natural pillow of her offspring.

I’m with Bettywobble.  That was a poorly researched and written article IMHO.  She’s just regurgitated a load of information found elsewhere, with a couple of her opinions thrown in.

Why doesn’t she believe that 1% of the population might be autistic?  She gives no reason why this should not be true….

Becks, as autism is a spectrum it is suggested that we are all on it somewhere but people are only diagnosed with autism if it is at the severe end of the spectrum iykwim.  So, most people have mild versions of some or all of the traits.

Becky
xx

Mummy to four little ones

I couldn’t really see her point, the article was a bit waffly. As Becky said, I don’t know why she finds it hard to believe that 1% of the population might be somewhere on the autism spectrum, in fact , I’m surprised it’s not more. She admits herself that in previous generations such people might have merely been thought of as odd or eccentric - so these people and this condition have always been with us, just not known by a particular name.
I suppose her argument is that people with ASD did absolutely fine without a diagnosis or label in times gone by - people around them just adapted to cope. But I think this is rather rose-tinted. Maybe it is the case that in olden times, people just knew that ‘Old Tom’ or whoever had certain quirks and accepted them, but I reckon it’s just as likely that people may ahve had miserable lives or been institutionalised, misunderstood or demonised, through lack of understanding.
I can understand her point though that labelling is not always helpful. Once someone, particularly a child, has a label it can become all that people see about him/her and all behaviour can be interpreted through that lense, rather than seeing the child as an individual, ie, the person becomes a condition to be treated rather than a person with needs, wants and desires. But equally, diagnosis can be very helpful in order to access services, explain to others about specific needs, and for better general understanding.
It felt to me that this article was coming from the camp that suspects that such conditions as ASD and ADHD are ‘made up’ or as she puts it in the article ‘too readily diagnosed’. I think we have a rather rigid obsession with so-called ‘normality’ in our society at the moment. Anything that deviates has to be given a label of a pathological condition rather than just accepting that there are wide parameters of behaviour and we should be a bit more accepting of differences. Maybe that was what the article was tryig to say??

Liz grin x

Druid, boat-dwelling, home educating mum of DD1 (11), Aspie DS (9) and baby DD2 (2), & part-time step-mum to 2 stepdaughters, 9 and 7.

I’m still in two minds about it. One one hand if it weren’t for Lewis’ diagnosis he would not have had some of the help he has been able to make use of. On the other hand, to me, he is no different to anyone else and he has funny little ways, much as I do, and I don’t have a diagnosis of anything. I still feel it was rather a patronising article though, makes you feel a bit like a mother who is trying to claim her child is different in order to gain sympathy/benefits or other such crap, when in fact we know life would be so much more simple,, in terms of living in a society where everyone is kind of expected to be the same, if our child was “the same”.

Did that make sense, I’m very tired lol

p.s. I edited the last bit, it made bugger all sense and prob still doesn’t!!

Crunchy hippy vegan mama to four gorgeous boys. Formerly known as bettywobble smile

Blogging again at http://lilpidgesblogspot.blogspot.co.uk/

The bosom of the Mother is the natural pillow of her offspring.

I agree with everybody grin

And I pretty much can’t stand old Miriam anyway so that’s probably colouring my views LOL

Becky
xx

Mummy to four little ones

Becks - 24 October 2009 08:29 AM

Yes I understand it is a spectrum therefore only the more severe cases might receive an official diagnosis but I have also met children who have “autistic traits” which are so mild that they really needn’t be a problem.

Becks

Sorry, didn’t mean to sound patronising Becks.  I agree, and having recently wrestled with the diagnosis or not decision I can see both ways.  Sam’s ‘behaviour’ is not problematic for us at all, we can easily adapt to it and he fits perfectly well in our family.  I would say he doesn’t have very severe traits.  But if he was going to school I would have to get a diagnosis because otherwise his life could be very difficult iykwim.

Becky
xx

Mummy to four little ones

bettywobble - 24 October 2009 02:27 PM

I’m still in two minds about it. One one hand if it weren’t for Lewis’ diagnosis he would not have had some of the help he has been able to make use of.

I’m just wondering what help you mean (sorry to go OT).  One of the reasons we decided not to go for a diagnosis for Sam is that our GP said there were no services that were only available to access with a diagnosis.  If he needs anything, we can get a referral whether he is diagnosed or not.  Maybe in practice it won’t really work like that though…..

Which services have you found that he has only been able to access with a diagnosis?  Or is it just that you wouldn’t have known which ones he would have needed without access to health professionals?

I wonder if you will see a big difference in him now he is HE.  A friend of mine has a teenage son with Aspergers who was having major problems at school, was expelled at age 7, was always in rages and hitting his family.  They had to have respite twice a week.  She gave up on school and he has been HE for about 3 years now and he is like a different boy.  She says she can’t believe it, and wishes she could see the staff at the school and show them how he is now - they were ready to ‘write him off’.  It seems taking the pressure of school away has allowed his real personality to shine through.

Becky
xx

Mummy to four little ones

Becks - 25 October 2009 07:53 AM

No worries Becky.
Still having sleep issues I’m afraid. Really having to check everything I post just in case I don’t come across as I mean to!
Although things are getting slightly better, although at a price :-(

Becks

Why don’t you update the post?  I’d like to hear how you are all getting on - it doesn’t sound too great though…. what is the price??

Becky
xx

Mummy to four little ones

Ok slightly less sleep deprived. Reading my post again, it didn’t make too much sense. The help Lewis has ahd such as speech therapist, behaviour support, cahms have been easier to get with him having a diagnosis,; ont the other hand, although at the time I thought I was doing the best thing for him (although looking back I was only doing what professionals were telling me was best) I doubt I would have tried to get a diagnosis for him if he was HEd from the start. All the things he was meant to be doing at school such as disrupting school, violent to others, not being able to read, not being able to hold a pencil, have been no problem at all at home, and being honest he is a totaly different child. He is a joy to be with every day.
Probably still made no sense, forgive me and my fuddled brain smile

Crunchy hippy vegan mama to four gorgeous boys. Formerly known as bettywobble smile

Blogging again at http://lilpidgesblogspot.blogspot.co.uk/

The bosom of the Mother is the natural pillow of her offspring.

leikima - 25 October 2009 07:53 AM
bettywobble - 24 October 2009 02:27 PM

I wonder if you will see a big difference in him now he is HE.  A friend of mine has a teenage son with Aspergers who was having major problems at school, was expelled at age 7, was always in rages and hitting his family.  They had to have respite twice a week.  She gave up on school and he has been HE for about 3 years now and he is like a different boy.  She says she can’t believe it, and wishes she could see the staff at the school and show them how he is now - they were ready to ‘write him off’.  It seems taking the pressure of school away has allowed his real personality to shine through.

Becky
xx

I find this so wonderfully inspirational smile

Crunchy hippy vegan mama to four gorgeous boys. Formerly known as bettywobble smile

Blogging again at http://lilpidgesblogspot.blogspot.co.uk/

The bosom of the Mother is the natural pillow of her offspring.

I find the issue of whether to ‘label’ or not really interesting. Unfortunately within a school environment it is sometimes nessasary so that extra support can be accessed. However, I do think its a bit lazy. I think it can stop teachers understanding the individual child, after all even a child with a label is an individual and has traits which are unique to him or her.

I think in a supportive and nurturing family, a label is probably not important or needed. I agree with you Becks.

Sometimes labels are important to the actual person though, who may go through life feeling different and unable to ‘fit in’. We have to take a step outside our family at some point. This is a fault of society ofc not accepting differences, but it will always be this way I think.

I did begin to think however, that as a SENCO in a primary school, there were too many children with special needs and labels! In a way all children have needs which are special to them. What this long list of SEN children told me, was that school wasnt meeting enough childrens needs. A teacher finds s/he cant understand a child, s/he goes to see the SENCO, and child often ends up on the register of SEN, when really the teacher needed to ask him/herself why their teaching wasnt meeting the childs needs. It often is not a question of what is wrong with the child, but what is wrong with the teacher or the classroom.

Its the same with parenting isnt it? I have often thought ‘what is wrong with DD’ when really I needed to look at myself and how I was dealing with the situation.

To dare is to lose ones footing temporarily, to not dare is to lose oneself.

LETS number 137

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I’ve just quickly read this article. It’s just a thought and a technical issue about the way things are written for the web. Sometimes the companies than publish them want a particular style of writing that is easily read on the screen. This means that often the issues come across in a way that is ridiculously simplified. This is the impression I get from this one…
best
w.w.

We didn’t find that a diagnosis was given out for my son very easily! mad
If only.
From (at least) the age of three he created his own label when he walked into a room - and it wasn’t a positive one. Therefore we decided to go for a diagnosis to access understanding towards him. He was diagnosed at 7 after years of health professionals treating me like I was mad (he was obviously just disruptive and me a hysterical mother). At one point I would have been grateful - and I would have accepted - for a health professional to sit me down with a jar of prozac and suggest that perhaps the problem lay with me. (My background is psychology and counselling and his grandparents are a psychiatrist and a clinical spychcologist - you’d think if anyone knew how to ‘work’ the system we would have done.)
Apparently children with asergers don’t often get diagnosed until they get to secondary school - but by then their confidence has been given such a bashing by being labelled with other things such as ‘difficult’ or ‘weird’.
Anyway, the fight is far from over, but the school have stepped in and provided him with more support than I could have possibly expected.
A daignosis also helps with the other children. Although we all like to think of our children as accepting, the playground can be a harsh place as they say. When a child without a visible disability behaves oddly the other children (and dinner ladies etc.) just don’t understand.  Being children, I’m not convinced they exclusively view through that lens, but when odd behaviours happen they understand better and are more likely to overlook it.
Sorry, didn’t mean to go on.  red face  it’s just that the ida of children being diagnosed so easily left right and centre touched a nerve!

I’m ina bit of a quandry myself.

Rye has done a few things since birth that have raised a few alarm bells.
AS a baby he would shake his head from side to side - and when he got a bit older and was sitting up he would rock and back and forward and shake his head vigirously - at the time Ithought nothing of it.. particuarly, as mums on Ivillage were reporting simialr behaviours.  AS he got oldher he continued, standing at the stairgate, while I was in the ktichen, rocking side to side, shaking head and humming tunelessly.  Again it didnt’ occur to me to be particularly odd behaviour, I just thought he was sort of dancing.. and I was told that kids tend to like do this sort of stuff - and I remmeber liking spinining until I fell down… and he started to do it less.

He was obessed about spinning, wheels.  For a while it wasn’t so much cars, it was purely the wheels - he would spin and spin the wheels for ages…. so much my last childminder use to distract him after 10 minutes because she was worried about such singular focus.  I never thought of it much when friends commented how self contained he was, he would literally play on the floor with his toys for hours, so-long I noticed when he looked up, spoke to him and gave him the occasional cuddle he was fine.  AS he got older that changed, he now likes to have my attention and asks for me “Play mameee,”.
He was a bit of a late speaker - he didn’t do the tantrum thing really; at my last childminder, he suddenly refused to feed himself.  And despite the lack of speech on his part, we didn’t worry, because I said in front of him one morning that if he didn’t feed himself, then he didn’t eat…. that day he ate.. but then after that he wouldn’t eat.  NO complaints, no tantrums or anything, he’d just sit there quietly.
He’s now back to feeding himself and often says to me, “Me do it,”.  His speech is pretty good, although not always clear - bt that could be my issue as I’m a little deaf.

He still rocks though, and hums tunelessly, which drives me to distraction.
When he visits his dad and then comes home, he doesn’t want me near him, he sits on the sofa, is very whingey and refuses to have his shoes nad coat taken off.. and he will rock backwards and forwards quite violently.  If I try to get him to stop, he cries out and shouts, “Noooooooo”.  But he doesn’t just do it when he’s upset, he does it when he’s tired or bored… and he hums.  I’ve tried to get him to stop doing it..but it’s obviously somethign that comforts him… although interestingly, his dad says he never does it at his house - mind he’s only at his dad’s once a month.

Recently, I’ve noticed he often answers “Yes” regardless of the question… for instance, if I ask him if he’d like pancakes of porriage for breakfast, he’ll often answer “yes”.  Now I know he understands, because other times he will respond appropriately to the question.

At this recent development check, which didn’t get very far because he refused to cooperate… one of the tasks was to point to the items the HV named and give them to me….. he wouldn’t do it.. then right at the end he did… at thet ime I thought this just meant he had excellent memory - I’ve sinced learned it can be indicative of delayed cognition and that it means he needs time to process requests.  Although in reality I know he doesn’t have an problems with processing, because he helps me out all the time, putting ingredients away in the fridge/cupboards, taking his plates etcinto the sink, going upstairs and getting me things I’ve forgotten to bring downstairs etc.

He also takes in a lot I don’t realise - until he deomonstrated it a few weeks ago I had no idea he knew the names of different shapes.  He’s known colours for ages and can count up to 10 easily… he’s starting to get up to 20 now..although not quite ins equence lol.  He recognises most of letters of the alphabet, he remembers the ingredients for things we’ve baked.  He loves to draw and paint as well as play with his cars etc.  He is a little sensative to noise and since about April this year has developed a fear of animals, particularly dogs… at one point he would scream and get hysterical when he saw one… now he just gets a bit whingey and fearful..but I can get him to walk past… although if he seems really scared I will pick him up and cuddle him.

Yet he loves kids planet, has no trouble socialising, be it kids his own age or older…. no actually, he does seem to prefer older children.  He is stubborn… at toddler group the other week, he refused point blank to sit on the sofa.. the guy was using soft toys to try and get the kids to comply.. Rye understood that the toys were a distraction and told him to put them away… the guy said no kid had ever said that to him before….. mind, once I explained to Rye that it was buscuit and juice time and if he sat on the sofa and played, we then would go and get the buscuit and juice… he then happily complyed becaue there was a reason that was benefical to him.

He is incredibly loving, constantly giving hugs and kisses - he even hugs completely strange kids, he’s confident and not afraid to explore new surroundsing… but by the same token for a while he was terrifed of the mechanical rides outside supermarkets.  ON the one hand he wanted to play..b ut as soon as I sat him in one he’d freak…. he now will go on them and loves it.  Equally, there’s a shuttle at Kids Planet that the staff opperate periodically… Rye has wanted to go on every time we’ve been..b ut as soon as I tried to sit him on the seat, he’d freak.. I think once he realised I wouldn’t be on with him.  (my butt is too big for the seats lol).
Then last week…. he ran and joined the group when the ride was opened up and one of the staff picked him up and seated him next to a little boy.. while I was running over expecting him to freak any moment…..but he was fine.

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drat, had to remove part of the message, cos too big and I must have pressed the wrong button.. so it’s not copied.

Basically, I’m confused.. I don’t really know if there is something with Rye, if he does need help - he seems pretty normal to me.. sure the rocking and tuneless humming is really worrying.. and I have to say the humming does irritate me.  It’s one of those sounds that you can only block out for so long.  But when I looked at the EYFS stuff I have, he pretty much ticks all the boxes, there are things he can do that he doesn’t very often.. but I’ve noticed when he decides he wants to do something, he generally can just do it.  It was like shapes.  I had absolutely no idea he knew what squares, triangles etc were… and then out of the blue one day, he brought me a red foam triangle and told me it was a “tri-ngle”.  Also he can catch a ball… ok he has to stand fairly close, and he lifts his arms up rather than catches it with his hands… but he’s catching it and he throws pretty well too.
I was listening to him playing a game on his vtec teddy the other day, and it’s basically find the letter.. you press a letter and then the teddy tells you if its before or after the letter pressed.. press another letter, and if youve guessed wrong, it will then it will give a clue and say something like, “It is the first letter in nest”.  Rye has never listened to the instructions and just pressed buttons because he like the noises and sounds it made…... but the other day I realised he was following the instructions.. and he was pressing letters before or after as instructed and when it gave the clue, he was selecting the correct letter… and ok I know he’s learned pictures..but still I was really chuffed, and you could see he was really pleased with himself.

Ok, I’ll stop waffling now lol
Joxy.

https://www.facebook.com/ByHook0rCrook/  - Freeform Crochet Art.

My blog:  http://freelyeducated.blogspot.co.uk/

LETS membership # 52

http://rosehowey.org.uk - HOME!

I think what you need to ask yourself is would it help to know that something is part of a defined condition, or is it OK that Rye is just Rye and are you confident to deal with his quirks?  Where a diagnosis can really be all or nothing is when other people are taking care of him: tbh as a homeschooler unless you suspect a modifiable condition (ie through medication) and would take that route, I wouldn’t personally want to find out for sure. 

Morgan also has some traits that indicate SEN (most of them very similar to Ryes), and I know for sure that Jenna is ADD because I’ve lived with it myself so long lol.  For us we just work those things into dealing with everyday life, I remind them “this is how you do things best, this is what you need to be able to do XYZ, this is how you process things, it’s OK to feel like that lots of people struggle with that” and treat their quirks as any other brain wiring difference or personality trait.  It’s more helpful to look at them and see what helps them than to look at a book about particular traits and try to fit them to the theory (although there are some books that have helped me to pinpoint where I think they each need more support).

This may be very naive of me, since my children clearly don’t have severe problems socialising or getting on with the other things they want from life but surely, as a home-ed family, unless you know you can access particular help by seeking a diagnosis it’s just not worth it?

Sarah
Living, loving, learning, laughing, growing, with
8yo Jenna (August 04)
6yo Morgan (December 06)
4yo Rowan (April 09)
and toddling baby Talia (December 11)

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