By The Green Parent
12th January 2023
Once upon a time (and still today, in many traditional cultures) a pregnant woman would be surrounded by her village of mothers, grandmothers, sisters, aunties and friends, who brought wisdom, nourishment, understanding and shared experience, to comfort and empower her through pregnancy, birth, postpartum and motherhood. In our busy Western world, we can feel pretty alone, especially when our families live far away, or when we’re the first of our friends to become pregnant.
As a doula, when I first sit down with a family, I ask them to think about the people they know they can rely on for support, and we start to gather their village. Occasionally, these lists are pretty short. They may only have one or two people they know that they can truly rely on. If that’s also the case for you, that’s okay. Who are these people for you? Write their names down and let them know you have included them in your village. What’s important is that you know you have support from someone who can check in on you, drop off food and hold space during the radical shifts that pregnancy, birth and motherhood bring.
NURTURING YOUR NEEDS
It’s easy to get lost in the excitement and anticipation of preparing for your baby’s arrival so that you leave little time for yourself. But self-care should be top of your priority list during pregnancy. Now is the time to pause, go slow and dive deep into your intuition. Listen to your body and the messages it is sending you. What are your emotional and physical needs at this moment in time? They will ebb and flow as the weeks go on and your self-care routine will shift with them.
Make time for yourself, set strong boundaries, practise self-compassion and get comfortable with vulnerability and asking for help. These are really hard things for most of us to do, I know. Start small by saying no a little more and see what happens to your time and energy. Rest when you can. Place your hands over your womb, breathe deeply and connect with your baby. Drink tea. Put yourself first and don’t feel guilty about it.
GETTING THROUGH IT
Some women love pregnancy. Others don’t. Your experience will be absolutely unique to you, and I hope that you feel empowered to speak the truth about what you are feeling. Not only will it help you feel less alone, but it will also help end the culture of silence that surrounds so much of what our bodies go through during pregnancy, birth and postpartum.
Above all, go easy on yourself and your changing body. You’re growing a human and it can be intense. Rest when you can and cry whenever you need to – every day if it helps. Do whatever you need to do to get through these months of change and growth.
THE MOTHER BLESSING
I am sure you are familiar with the traditional baby shower, where friends and family shower the mother with gifts that are, usually, for the baby. These can be a lot of fun, but they often leave little room to honour the mother herself, and the sacred rite of passage she is embarking upon.
Because there is still so little reverence for this monumental shift in our modern world, you may like to consider a Mother Blessing instead. This is a ceremony in which the women in your life come together to show you their love, support and guidance, and to pause to honour your transition to mother.
What you do on this day – and how woo-woo you get – is up to you. There are usually lots of flowers and candles, and sometimes an altar is created, with sentimental items brought for the mother-to-be. You can ask all the women who come to bring a poem, a piece of advice, or an affirmation about birth and motherhood to share with you, and then add to a book for you to take home and keep by your side during labour, and life as a mother. Another lovely idea is a bead ceremony, where everyone threads a bead onto a string to create a bracelet for you to take into your labour and birth, to remind you of your strength, and of the love and support of the women in your life. Whatever you do, it will be a beautiful occasion for you to look back on and draw strength from, as you leave one part of your life behind, and transition into another – see overleaf for a complete guide to planning and creating your ceremony.
HOW TO DEAL WITH MORNING SICKNESS
Morning sickness can be mild or extreme, lasting from a few weeks to full-term for some women. It can come on as nausea, food aversion, occasional vomiting or severe and persistent vomiting leading to dehydration, weight loss and hospitalisation – the latter is usually diagnosed as hyperemesis gravidarum and affects around 1 to 2 per cent of pregnant women.
Depending on the severity of your morning sickness – which is often actually all-day sickness – here are a few things I have found that have helped me and the women I support.
- Eat as soon as you wake in the morning and then have small regular meals and snacks throughout the day
- Get to know and love ginger tea and peppermint tea
- Avoid cooking if you can – the smells of even the most inoffensive food can trigger nausea
- Gentle exercise and fresh air can work wonders
- Acupuncture and acupressure can reduce the severity of symptoms.
Gabrielle is a birth doula and educator and a doula mentor, as well as running Gather and raising her three children, Camille, Audrey and Frederick. gatherwomenspace.com
READ The Birth Space by Gabrielle Nancarrow (Hardie Grant)
