The Birth of a Doula

I drive home elated, smiling and singing all the way. I listen to the radio in an attempt to bring myself back down to earth before I get home, knowing that the tired children – and probably even more exhausted babysitter – will need my full attention. Right now, though, it’s hard to think of anything other than the tiny new person I’ve just seen arriving in the world, and her parents, the amazing couple who’ve worked so hard to bring her into their family. This has been my first job as a doula and I feel completely overwhelmed and honoured by the whole experience. What a day! I met with the couple a number of times during their pregnancy, after initially getting to know them at a Homebirth Support Group which I co-run. The last time we’d met had been a couple of weeks ago when I’d accompanied them to an antenatal visit to discuss the position of their baby – breech. Until this point they’d been planning a beautiful homebirth, but now they were being asked to agree to a caesarean section before their due date. Talking through their options, they decided that they would proceed with planning a natural birth, despite the baby’s position, but that this would take place in the hospital rather than at home. They agreed with their consultant that if the baby was more than a few days overdue and still breech, they would consider a c-section. We’d kept in touch, speaking or emailing most days, and although the baby was still breech, early signs suggested that we wouldn’t be waiting too long!

Arranging Childcare

Sure enough, on the baby’s due date, my phone rang at 6am. Contractions had begun to build up and the excited couple were leaving for the hospital. There was no rush, but I needed to know early in order to put my childcare plan into action. Having three young children myself, I had spent my ‘on-call’ days so far worrying that none of my arrangements would work out. As it happened, my mum was able to come and look after my children – definitely the preferred option all round. However, my mum lives quite a long way away and the drive was full of delays, roadworks and tractors. In the two hours before she arrived, I found I couldn’t sit still – my mind was already on the couple and their baby. I rushed around, packing things I might need and then tidied the kitchen, made several breakfasts for my children and deep-cleaned the bathroom to pass the time – my house would be dazzling if I did this more often.

Gracefully Accepting

I drove straight to the hospital when my mum arrived, again coming across all manner of slow vehicles and road closures. I took the chance to practise being present with frustration and stress. Eventually I arrived and was shown to the room in which the couple were walking around, rocking through contractions and waiting for an examination. The mother had been keen to avoid internal examinations but had conceded that these would be helpful as the baby was still breech. She was inspirational throughout the birth, gracefully accepting unpredicted changes to almost every aspect of her birth plan, listening to her body and recognising that the baby clearly had its own plans. The parents-to-be were an incredible partnership throughout their labour, leaning together during contractions, he whispering reassurance and love into her ear constantly. The labour progressed quickly; the midwife seemed astonished that the cervix was fully dilated after asking the mother to avoid pushing as it was surely too early. As the second stage began, the doctors and paediatric team appeared in the room in case they were needed. The midwife was gentle and encouraging, asking the mother to listen to her body and be guided by her instincts. A natural breech birth requires a hands-off delivery and the incredible moment at which the baby’s bottom emerged, immediately followed by her body, was watched with awe by everyone present. The midwife explained that the body would dangle, allowing gravity to assist the delivery of the head. Some assistance from the doctor was necessary but with encouragement and support from her husband and I, this triumphant mother gave birth to her first baby in the breech position using only gas and air – and natural endorphins, of course!

Alternative Approach

I had decided to train as a doula after my second pregnancy and birth. I was lucky that my first birth was uncomplicated, in a small local hospital. When pregnant for the second time, I had moved to another area and was faced with a big city hospital. I discovered a Birthwise yoga and active birth class, run by a local doula, which led me to reconsider my whole attitude to pregnancy, birth and even parenthood. Introduced to magazines about natural parenting and information on alternatives to the conventional, medicalised route through birth, my husband and I decided to plan for a homebirth and attended a birthing workshop, run by the same doula, which was great for us both and a wonderful chance to connect with our baby. We had a lovely, gentle homebirth in which I felt completely empowered and supported and I emerged determined to share this experience with other women.

Birthing Wisdom

I had accompanied a friend throughout her daughter’s birth years earlier, when my first child was a toddler, and I had felt helpless as a supporter. Now I was determined to learn how to be an asset at this incredible time, how to work with a woman or a couple and how to effectively support them in their birthing choices. I discovered Birthing Wisdom, a training organisation in Totnes, Devon, and enrolled on a taster day and then the year-long course to become a Doula and Childbirth Educator. I knew I wouldn’t be able to practice immediately, having a young baby and intending to have more children, but taking part in the course was a life changing experience in itself; a journey of discovery for the six women who trained together that year. We bonded as a group, enjoying training weekends which focused on specific areas relating to pregnancy, birth and the postpartum period as well as developing our personal skills, building confidence and working through the issues which were complicating our lives. The six of us emerged firm friends, all grateful for this wonderful experience we had shared, led by an inspirational teacher who had been a doula for many years. With this experience behind me, the birth of my third child was amazing – a candlelit waterbirth at which one of my fellow doulas and my ten year old daughter were present. I felt confident in my body, aware that I was fully supported as I brought my new daughter into the world, and totally able to surrender to the natural process of birth. Again, I felt that overwhelming desire to share this feeling of empowerment by working with women and their partners at this special time.

Learning how to Serve

Now, having undertaken my first doula role, I feel so proud to have helped this lovely couple to birth their baby naturally. They said afterwards that they felt that my support had been invaluable and that my presence had added to the experience for them both. I had worried that I would fall short of my ideals, that I’d have forgotten my training in the eighteen months since I finished the course, even that I might fail to cope with the pressure. As I drive home, I’m so pleased and relieved to feel that I was comfortable and useful in the role of doula. I know that each job will be different and that each birth will come with its own challenges. Every couple have unique requirements and getting to know them well is important, hence meeting up regularly during pregnancy in order to truly serve them. ‘Doula’ comes from the word ‘to serve’ and it has been enlightening to learn the privilege and honour of truly ‘serving’ someone at such a critical time. I have often been asked if I’d like to be a midwife, but I have no particular interest in the medical side of labour and I have heard many midwives say that they envy the way in which doulas are able to support one couple throughout labour without being responsible for another three labours concurrently or having to write copious notes! The enormity of helping to bring a new baby into the world is such a privilege. I also feel that the skills I’ve learned as a doula serve me well as a mother, wife and friend. Learning to listen, to really hear what is said – and unsaid – and to be present with whatever arises are such valuable skills that I can’t think of a day in which I don’t use them! I am so grateful for my training and for having heard my call to this role, and I look forward to supporting many, many more births.

Want to know more?

Birthing Wisdom Doula Training birthingwisdom.co.uk

Search Doula UK for a Doula in your area doula.org.uk

Exeter Homebirth Support Group exeterhomebirth.moonfruit.com

Birthwise Antenatal Yoga and Active Birth birthwise.net

Claire Arnold is a fulltime mum and aspiring writer, living in Devon with husband Phil and three children, Chloe, 10, Finn, 4, and Evie, 18 months. She loves Dartmoor, the sea and laughing with the children in their garden