Parents have a lifetime of letting go, from the moment of giving birth and cutting the umbilical cord says Kim McCabe, author of From Daughter to Woman. Here she writes on parenting girls safely through their teens.
Over the years our children learn to feed themselves, take the bus alone, make friends, choose what to study and eventually leave home. We have to trust that our children will be capable. Children need us to believe in their competence. We have to trust that they will survive their mistakes. Our children need the experience of learning from their mistakes. We have to trust ourselves to know when to loosen our hold and when to rein them in. Our children’s behaviour will guide us.
How we practice attachment with our teenage children
Staying connected while letting go is key. As parents we search for the right balance between ensuring safety and allowing freedom. Some parents cling on, others flip-flop between letting go and not, while others manage to gradually release their children as they grow.
Clinging on – when a parent is very risk-averse and constantly steps in to protect her child, it becomes hard for that child to be able to assess danger for herself. Research has shown that paradoxically these children can be at greater risk of harm in the long term, as they are less experienced at making decisions and taking responsibility for themselves.
