Bethan Mitchell is working to cultivate a lifetime of love with her partner through a series of conversations
Rewind three months… I could give you detailed descriptions of each of my sons’ social schedule for the week ahead but as to when my husband, Tom and I last had a passionate kiss or a meaningful conversation, my mind’s blank.
With two children under five I’d come to accept that this is how life is, as parents. If we did get a moment together at the end of the day, we’d make time for the really important things. You know, I’d remind Tom to pick up toilet paper tomorrow at lunchtime, or he’d tell me about our youngest having a tricky time at playgroup. I often felt sad and disconnected but I didn’t know what to do about it.
Worse was that I had no energy (or blush, inclination) to do anything about it. Tom seemed quite unaware and accepting of the situation that we’d walked ourselves into too.
I didn’t want to bring it up because I had nothing in reserve to take any action. My energy levels were in the minus zone. Better to keep quiet and mourn the demise of our relationship in private rather than face a sticky conversation and potential fall-out. Perhaps things would get better.
One late night, when I couldn’t sleep and I’d called a friend long distance for a chat I got a wake-up call. I was complaining (again) about how Tom and I had ‘lost the spark’ and musing whether it was over for us as lovers. Perhaps we’d be better off co-parenting. She’d heard me rehash this frustration and unease over and over and this time she called me on it.
